what to do
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: hangin on usa
Posts: 42
what to do
Hi all, I have been reading your helpful posts for quite awhile. We have been going dealing with my ASD's drug war for 9 years. She is 36 and using since a young teen. Very long story but we adopted her 8 yr old last January after her parental rights were terminated. They had lived with us for 4 years and she has been in several rehabs, outpt. tx, NA, arrested, prostitutes herself
etc. Has been using full time for 2.5 yrs now. Her daughter, ours now is doing well but misses mommy. ASD is now in jail on VOP and has written us. She is saying all the right things to push my codep. buttons. I fear she is near the end. She sounds hopeless and I am trying to stay detached with love. The judge may not offer her another rehab and she says she can't do it without us??? Our concern is our 8 yr old. I know she wants mommy but could she take another in and out of her life????? Our daughter knows more than any 8 yr old should know. She receives regular counseling. We have told her Mommy must do the right things to get better and she understands. I am 54 and my husb. is 64. I never had my own kids but I guess HP had other plans, I've got one now. I don't want to deprive her a relationship with her mom but it does not seem like the right time. My only fear is Mom may not live long enough to ever see her again and that guilt would be too much for me. Any help would be appreciated.
etc. Has been using full time for 2.5 yrs now. Her daughter, ours now is doing well but misses mommy. ASD is now in jail on VOP and has written us. She is saying all the right things to push my codep. buttons. I fear she is near the end. She sounds hopeless and I am trying to stay detached with love. The judge may not offer her another rehab and she says she can't do it without us??? Our concern is our 8 yr old. I know she wants mommy but could she take another in and out of her life????? Our daughter knows more than any 8 yr old should know. She receives regular counseling. We have told her Mommy must do the right things to get better and she understands. I am 54 and my husb. is 64. I never had my own kids but I guess HP had other plans, I've got one now. I don't want to deprive her a relationship with her mom but it does not seem like the right time. My only fear is Mom may not live long enough to ever see her again and that guilt would be too much for me. Any help would be appreciated.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Copperpenny)))
Welcome to SR!
I'm a recovering addict and a recovering codie (codependent). I can understand your fear that she may not live long enough to see her daughter again, but even if you do help her with rehab, that is no guarantee that she will continue in recovery.
I did not seek recovery until I had to face the consequences of my actions and they got bad enough that I realized the dope-life was no longer for me. I am grateful for my family, that they allowed me to fall on my face and figure out how to get back up.
I also know that we A's (addicts) can push the codie buttons in our families the strongest when we are faced with getting stuck in jail/prison (been there, done that). I, personally, said "I will KILL myself if I have to stay in jail". I did stay in jail, and I didn't try to kill myself.
I can only imagine how hard this is on you, especially when an 8-year-old is involved, but I'm so glad she has you and is in counseling.
No one will tell you the decision to make, because that's something only you can do. I say go with your gut. If this was her first attempt at recovery, I would probably lean toward helping her (if it was me), but it sounds like she has been down this road a few times.
I know the 8-year-old misses her mom, but she is now safe, loved and getting help with counseling. Do whatever feels best to take care of you and the child.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Welcome to SR!
I'm a recovering addict and a recovering codie (codependent). I can understand your fear that she may not live long enough to see her daughter again, but even if you do help her with rehab, that is no guarantee that she will continue in recovery.
I did not seek recovery until I had to face the consequences of my actions and they got bad enough that I realized the dope-life was no longer for me. I am grateful for my family, that they allowed me to fall on my face and figure out how to get back up.
I also know that we A's (addicts) can push the codie buttons in our families the strongest when we are faced with getting stuck in jail/prison (been there, done that). I, personally, said "I will KILL myself if I have to stay in jail". I did stay in jail, and I didn't try to kill myself.
I can only imagine how hard this is on you, especially when an 8-year-old is involved, but I'm so glad she has you and is in counseling.
No one will tell you the decision to make, because that's something only you can do. I say go with your gut. If this was her first attempt at recovery, I would probably lean toward helping her (if it was me), but it sounds like she has been down this road a few times.
I know the 8-year-old misses her mom, but she is now safe, loved and getting help with counseling. Do whatever feels best to take care of you and the child.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Bless you for being the voice of this child and for taking her in and loving her as your own. That may not erase the pain of losing her mother to drugs, but it will certainly help her heal and know she is loved and that none of this is her fault.
I'm glad you joined us, there are many here who will like to meet you and who are also moms, step-moms or foster moms like me. We know your pain and are walking with you.
Hugs
I'm glad you joined us, there are many here who will like to meet you and who are also moms, step-moms or foster moms like me. We know your pain and are walking with you.
Hugs
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