mustluvdogs

I am a binge drinker. There I said it. It used to be once or twice a year, now it's turned to every week or two. I go out saying "I'm only having a drink or two." It turns into me puking, and two weeks ago it was in my car while I was driving!! Usually my husband has to come get me. Sometime I drive. This is very, very bad. It's destroying my health, making me depressed, ruining my marriage, and Friday, for the first time, I called into work sick because I was so hungover.

Why am I doing this? Why can't I stick to my original plan? Why does that first drink make me think I'm superman?

Something has to change before I kill myself, kill someone else, end up in jail, end up divorced, or all of the above.

I know by now that the only answer is to stop drinking completely. Clearly, something changes in me after that first drink, and I have given up hoping to control myself. I know what I have to do, I just have to do it.

Has anyone else dealt with this issue? Is there anywhere to turn for help? And please don't turn this topic into one of religion, but I hesitate to go to AA because I am an atheist and they have that whole higher power thing.

Thank you.

Anna

Hi,

You do it because you're an addict. I could feel the monster taking over my mind, after having only one sip of a drink. It was incredible.

I'm glad you recognize that you need to stop drinking. I'm not an AA person, but I know it works well for many people. But there are other recovery methods.

JockLarcher

I would abstain for a while.
Then I would feel one drink would be ok.
And it was for one or two nights.
And then back to the same old drunken self-loathing.
Do not take one drink. Take no drink. No alcohol whatsoever.
I too am an atheist.
Try SOS - Secular Organizations for Sobriety, also known as Life Ring. I have found their website pretty helpful.

JockLarcher

Should have included this.
Best wishes and best of luck.

index.html

least

I too can't drink like normal people. I relapsed too many times to remember cause I still wanted to drink. When I finally realized I wanted to stay sober more than I wanted to drink, I was then able to not drink. I've got twelve weeks today, but I remind myself I'm just one drink away from falling back into that hell hole.

There are lots of different recovery programs besides AA. Check them out and give them a try. I'm glad you've realized how bad alcohol is for you. It's a progressive disease and will only get worse.

Welcome to SR! We're glad you're here!

bostonluv

Hi and welcome. YES. I can't stop at one drink - usually. It always ends up with me having too much eventually "accidentally." Very few times in my life had I planned on getting plastered. It just sort of "happened" to me. Your story sounds familiar. You will find hope in this website where we are fighting the same battle as you are with our addictions AND (bonus) life is getting easier/better.

tommyk

Something has to change before I kill myself, kill someone else, end up in jail, end up divorced, or all of the above.

Yup, something does need to change. Been there.

CarolD

Here is a list of various recovery programs
for you to explore...

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-programs.html

I certainly hope you will find a way to stay sober.
"wave:...Welcome to SR!

Horselover

Well I started drinking heavy when I first was introduced to alcohol in my late teens. I would drink and get sick and drink and get sick. I did this into my 20s and then I hit my 30s and no longer did I get sick. I didn't even get hungover, but I did drink more and more often. I didn't kill anybody, but I did do stupid things I am not proud of. My body craved the alcohol even though it made me sick. I craved it from the get go. It progressed as alcoholism does and I finally admitted I couldn't control it and that I never could. Its very hard to come to the point of total surrender, but that's where I was and am. Its not worth it. You can stop it before it becomes worse. You have to want to. Good luck and welcome. Hope this site helps you as it has me.

Pinkcuda

I figured that if I believed that I could control my drinking I would believe anything.
Besides, meetings don't get you sober. AA doesn't get you sober. Nothing gets you sober except for what's inside of you. Maybe that's why we have such a difficult time with this higher power. We keep looking for something "out there" when he's inside each and every one of us.
I've also met Athiests that believe in Bigfoot and UFOs if that makes any sense.

Hevyn

Glad to meet you, mustluvdogs - you have half the battle won because you're aware of what you need to do. Many aren't capable of seeing what they're doing to themselves. If it were possible to ever control or moderate your drinking, you would've already done so. It isn't. I fooled myself into thinking I was in charge and just needed to use willpower, & that thinking almost killed me. You can do this, you already had the good sense to come here for help. Welcome to a wonderful place.

Fiona630

Hi!

Yeah, that binge drinking thing sucks. You can never drink like a normal person. My binge drinking was bad. I wouldnt get sick, but I would have black outs most of the time. Sometimes I could go a couple weeks without drinking but the first chance I had to drink u can bet ur ass I was "that" drunk girl. I used to be proud of myself if I didnt drink my norm and I could remember the night...wow...what was I thinking? I should be proud when I go somewhere and manage to NOT drink. lol. Keep busy and find people that are going to support you and believe in you. I think it is such a big lifestyle change to stop drinking. At least it is for me...but, in my case, I think it needs to be done. Im useless the next few days after drinking. Im stupid when drunk. I make poor choices that have almost cost me my marriage and most importantly I have a 10 yr old that needs his mom and im taking away from him when I go and drunk off my butt then cant function the next day. Course now my problem is that Im eating more...lol..great..my son sure loves the ice cream at night tho...I have a friend that wants me to start training with her to do a half marathon then move up to a full marathon...it would be a good way to stay sober and solve that eating problem! Anyways, u have taken the first step by admitting u have a problem...good luck and best wishes!

sugErspun

Mustluvdogs

Read this - it's from the book Alcoholics Anonymous, but nothing to do with higher power...it was written by a medical doctor and outlines the physical part of why you can't stop at one.
Big Book Online - the doctor's opinion


My suggestion - don't take that first drink. If the first drink means death to you, and the things you hold dear, why are you taking it?

My opinion - there is a little more going on here than just not being able to stop at a couple of drinks. I dated a girl a few years ago who was allergic to peanuts - if she ingested them whatsoever - it could mean death. You know how she deaels with this problem? She doesn't eat peanuts.

If she just decided to eat some peanuts one day- with full knowledge of the consequences, what would your opinion on her thinking be? Maybe she is crazy (insane)?

I could not drink just 1, just like you. More important - I was not capable of staying away from that first drink. I didn't know what a higher power is, was- didn't matter.

It's been quite awhile now since I got drunk.

Make any sense?

headintheclouds

Hi there mustluvdogs - and welcome

I know exactly what you mean - that 'Oh I'll just have the one' never, ever works and before you know it you're completely smashed and out of control of your emotions, behaviour etc. I was the same.

It sounds as if you are at that point where you want to do something about it, which is great. And SugErspun is spot on - don't even have that first drink. There are loads of people on SR who share tips on things to do when the craving starts - hobbies, exercise, coming on here - so read on and good luck.