I'm Here - Read My Life Changing Event
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: California
Posts: 303
I'm Here - Read My Life Changing Event
Hello All,
Well....how lovely to visit here this afternoon and see that a few of you are wondering if I'm still here!
Guess what? Pull up a chair, grab a cup of tea....I'm about to share the details of my major breakthrough, spiritual awakening, life changing event that I experienced last weekend!
Here we go.......
I'll start with a bit of background:
I was born in Las Vegas. My parents moved the family (mom, dad, and 3 little girls) to Lake Tahoe when I was 2 yrs. old.
I have very fond memories of experiencing the beautiful Tahoe Thunderstorms when I was a child...my Dad always made sure to sit my sisters and I on the front porch and watch, smell and feel the rain.
This is a gift my Dad gave me, the appreciation of rain........
My Dad was an alcoholic. My parents divorced when I was 10. My parents did not discuss what was about to happen, my Dad was just GONE. My mom raised 3 beautiful girls completely on her own.
I hated my Dad. Forever and Always. Even as he lay dying from cancer (in a hospice in Las Vegas), I hated him.
I have suffered a lifetime of headaches and depression, and have never allowed myself to experience true love from a man, or to experience pleasure of any kind.........but this has now changed!
So...fast forward 30+ years, I'm driving to Las Vegas for my business, and have 2 dear friends in the car with me.
I am talking to them about my Dad (they both have heard it all before about my issues with my Dad). One of my friends says "I think it's time to forgive". My instinct is to fight it...but...then...comes....the.....rain!!!!!
Not a drizzle, mind you, but pouring down rain!!!!! So I say "okay, I get it, it is time for me to forgive, to Let Go and Let God". "I Get It". Then the rain stops.
Awww....but not so fast.....I still have work to do. My friend asks me a question, and I'm still fighting to not forgive. Then comes the pouring rain again!!!
Okay, okay. It could not have been made any clearer for me!!!! I have let my anger for my Dad spill over into every relationship with a man I've ever had! I have been in "survival mode" for my entire adult life, and have not been allowing myself to breathe.....I only gave myself shallow breaths, just enough to get by, but not enough to actually live my life to the fullest.
So...for the first time in 30+ years, I am breathing....I am living! I feel lighter, brighter and focused.
I am a changed person, forever!
This helps me tremendously in my recovery!
My AH and I are still headed for divorce, and I did apologize to him for never letting him into my heart (almost unbelievable but very true). I don't believe he really understands the depth of this statement, but I felt I needed to apologize to him.
What matters is that I get it...finally! And I've got it...finally! And there really is no stopping me now!!!!
Thank you all for letting me share this experience, I am so grateful to SR and the amazing people who share their life experiences on here!
Breathe....always.....and forever....
Shivaya
Well....how lovely to visit here this afternoon and see that a few of you are wondering if I'm still here!
Guess what? Pull up a chair, grab a cup of tea....I'm about to share the details of my major breakthrough, spiritual awakening, life changing event that I experienced last weekend!
Here we go.......
I'll start with a bit of background:
I was born in Las Vegas. My parents moved the family (mom, dad, and 3 little girls) to Lake Tahoe when I was 2 yrs. old.
I have very fond memories of experiencing the beautiful Tahoe Thunderstorms when I was a child...my Dad always made sure to sit my sisters and I on the front porch and watch, smell and feel the rain.
This is a gift my Dad gave me, the appreciation of rain........
My Dad was an alcoholic. My parents divorced when I was 10. My parents did not discuss what was about to happen, my Dad was just GONE. My mom raised 3 beautiful girls completely on her own.
I hated my Dad. Forever and Always. Even as he lay dying from cancer (in a hospice in Las Vegas), I hated him.
I have suffered a lifetime of headaches and depression, and have never allowed myself to experience true love from a man, or to experience pleasure of any kind.........but this has now changed!
So...fast forward 30+ years, I'm driving to Las Vegas for my business, and have 2 dear friends in the car with me.
I am talking to them about my Dad (they both have heard it all before about my issues with my Dad). One of my friends says "I think it's time to forgive". My instinct is to fight it...but...then...comes....the.....rain!!!!!
Not a drizzle, mind you, but pouring down rain!!!!! So I say "okay, I get it, it is time for me to forgive, to Let Go and Let God". "I Get It". Then the rain stops.
Awww....but not so fast.....I still have work to do. My friend asks me a question, and I'm still fighting to not forgive. Then comes the pouring rain again!!!
Okay, okay. It could not have been made any clearer for me!!!! I have let my anger for my Dad spill over into every relationship with a man I've ever had! I have been in "survival mode" for my entire adult life, and have not been allowing myself to breathe.....I only gave myself shallow breaths, just enough to get by, but not enough to actually live my life to the fullest.
So...for the first time in 30+ years, I am breathing....I am living! I feel lighter, brighter and focused.
I am a changed person, forever!
This helps me tremendously in my recovery!
My AH and I are still headed for divorce, and I did apologize to him for never letting him into my heart (almost unbelievable but very true). I don't believe he really understands the depth of this statement, but I felt I needed to apologize to him.
What matters is that I get it...finally! And I've got it...finally! And there really is no stopping me now!!!!
Thank you all for letting me share this experience, I am so grateful to SR and the amazing people who share their life experiences on here!
Breathe....always.....and forever....
Shivaya
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Mobile AL
Posts: 101
Funny how things like this happen in life that seem to be just a little too much for coincidence?
Do you believe in signs? I have a friend that says we just take things like this as signs to validate our own thinking.
Either way, it sounds like it was wonderfully refreshing for you.
Congratulations on starting day 1 of a whole new life......free!
Hugs,
K
Do you believe in signs? I have a friend that says we just take things like this as signs to validate our own thinking.
Either way, it sounds like it was wonderfully refreshing for you.
Congratulations on starting day 1 of a whole new life......free!
Hugs,
K
Awakening
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Beautiful Texas hillcountry
Posts: 1,272
Originally Posted by Shivaya 
Okay, okay. It could not have been made any clearer for me!!!!
Congratulations on your spiritual awakening.....I used to call those type of things coiencidences (sp?). Not any more.
Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
Recovering Codependant
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Liverpool, Great Britain
Posts: 1,335
Shivaya, congratualtions to you on having such a spiritual awakening, they are really empowering and liberating events!
Blessings to you!
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Blessings to you!
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Sometimes we can notice subtle signs and at others we need a real doozy to make us take notice. Congrats on recognizing the sign of the healing power of forgiveness for your dad, now accept that healing power of forgiveness for yourself, and move forward.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: looking for the sun in cold MN
Posts: 775
I was just thinking about you this morning before I logged on- and I'm glad to hear you're ok- better than ok! I felt some similarities to my situation while reading your post. I had family- including my dad- over this past weekend to help me fix my house up to sell. It was stressful here and there, and I think it's because I am just starting to recognize family "stuff" and how it's contributed to my story. I too have a very hard time with my dad- a lot of abuse growing up. I have some things to work through, but I hope to have a breakthrough of sorts around him as well. I'd like to forgive him, but I'm not sure how yet. I'm so glad to hear you're doing well! I hope you'll keep us updated. ((()))
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Glad I checked in today because of your well articulated, well-stated share.
Thanks for Sharing your "ah ha" moment with us.
Forgiveness is something I am working on right now too.
I will pray that I get a sign that it is time.
Thanks for Sharing your "ah ha" moment with us.
Forgiveness is something I am working on right now too.
I will pray that I get a sign that it is time.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: NOR CAL
Posts: 70
it's a message from God, a reminder to forgive
"Every time you receive what some call a coincidence or an answered prayer, it's a direct and personal message of reassurance from God to you - what I call a godwink."
(from When God Winks at You: How God Speaks Directly to You Through the Power of Coincidence by Squire Rushnell)
"Every time you receive what some call a coincidence or an answered prayer, it's a direct and personal message of reassurance from God to you - what I call a godwink."
(from When God Winks at You: How God Speaks Directly to You Through the Power of Coincidence by Squire Rushnell)
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
