Visit in rehab - part 3
turning red!
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: hong kong
Posts: 254
Visit in rehab - part 3
Hello friends,
Here is my monthly update re- my visit to Rain in rehab.
This is my third visit and it seems he's been there for YeAarRRrrSss (but actually it's only been 3 months)
As some of you who read me have noticed, i have this pattern: i go see Rain once a month and i'm "ok" during the two weeks that follows. Then after, i start to feel the loneliness and missing him and it's harder and harder until i finallly go visit him.
This last week was better though cos i FINALLY received some brief news: he managed to ask the leader of his House to borrow his mobile phone for sending me a text message which was to say that he hopes we are ok and that he miss us and hopes to see us soon.
That's all i ever asked for: to know that we're part of his life (or else, i might as well give up and move on now...enough time wasting)
Anyway, went to see him today with baby Mia and he looks bigger and his skin is pretty bad. That's the usual physical stage i've noticed once he is in early stage of recovery. Other than that, he is as non-communicative as ever: it's like when i ask questions about his life there, he's like "yes, no, you know..". Then again, our visits are always supervised so it doesn't help to open up. Still, it's frustating. Already we cannot hug/touch and feel like a couple, but the communication is like two strangers asking about the weather!! Damn... He didn't even ask about my birthday and what i did that day. It's like i have to do the talking for two.
The good part of those visits though, is for our daughter: she is, of course, the centre of our attention. Rain is all sweet and happy cuddling and tickling and squeezing and kissing (damn i'm jealous ;P
It's nice to see him like that, it's all worth it.
So, life continues...You'll probably hear more from me, when i reach my "second stage" :chatter
Thanks for listening,
Carine
Here is my monthly update re- my visit to Rain in rehab.
This is my third visit and it seems he's been there for YeAarRRrrSss (but actually it's only been 3 months)
As some of you who read me have noticed, i have this pattern: i go see Rain once a month and i'm "ok" during the two weeks that follows. Then after, i start to feel the loneliness and missing him and it's harder and harder until i finallly go visit him.
This last week was better though cos i FINALLY received some brief news: he managed to ask the leader of his House to borrow his mobile phone for sending me a text message which was to say that he hopes we are ok and that he miss us and hopes to see us soon.
That's all i ever asked for: to know that we're part of his life (or else, i might as well give up and move on now...enough time wasting)
Anyway, went to see him today with baby Mia and he looks bigger and his skin is pretty bad. That's the usual physical stage i've noticed once he is in early stage of recovery. Other than that, he is as non-communicative as ever: it's like when i ask questions about his life there, he's like "yes, no, you know..". Then again, our visits are always supervised so it doesn't help to open up. Still, it's frustating. Already we cannot hug/touch and feel like a couple, but the communication is like two strangers asking about the weather!! Damn... He didn't even ask about my birthday and what i did that day. It's like i have to do the talking for two.
The good part of those visits though, is for our daughter: she is, of course, the centre of our attention. Rain is all sweet and happy cuddling and tickling and squeezing and kissing (damn i'm jealous ;P
It's nice to see him like that, it's all worth it.
So, life continues...You'll probably hear more from me, when i reach my "second stage" :chatter
Thanks for listening,
Carine
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((Carine)))
I'm glad he could text you.
I hope he starts opening up to you. Maybe he's still feeling a bit bewildered by all that's going on and doesn't know how? I can't remember how long he's been an A, but for some it's like learning the basics all over..communication, feelings, etc.
I wish, for your sake, he would open up, but it sounds (to me) like he's focusing on him right now. Sux for you, but gives you more time to focus on you and Mia. I agree with you, though, it would be nice to hear from him more.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I'm glad he could text you.
I hope he starts opening up to you. Maybe he's still feeling a bit bewildered by all that's going on and doesn't know how? I can't remember how long he's been an A, but for some it's like learning the basics all over..communication, feelings, etc.
I wish, for your sake, he would open up, but it sounds (to me) like he's focusing on him right now. Sux for you, but gives you more time to focus on you and Mia. I agree with you, though, it would be nice to hear from him more.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
turning red!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: hong kong
Posts: 254
Thanks Amy 
Well he's been an A for very long time, like 15 years+. It's not like it's the first time i see him in recovery (being with him for 8 years+) and before it seems he communicated more, though it's the first time it's such a long stay in rehab, and it's also the first time it's a Christian one, and it's also the first time the visits are supervised. I guess the supervision puts him off. And i guess having a baby during visit gives a new dynamic.
We'll see how it goes...
xoxo Going to bed now!
Well he's been an A for very long time, like 15 years+. It's not like it's the first time i see him in recovery (being with him for 8 years+) and before it seems he communicated more, though it's the first time it's such a long stay in rehab, and it's also the first time it's a Christian one, and it's also the first time the visits are supervised. I guess the supervision puts him off. And i guess having a baby during visit gives a new dynamic.
We'll see how it goes...
xoxo Going to bed now!
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,287
Hi Carine, glad you got to spend some time and at least Mia was able to receive his hugs/kisses. Also, the text might be a sign that he's working through some of his issues in being there. Now that you see the patter you are in, maybe before that "second stage" comes, you can do something to prepare, like take a trip or spend more time with friends...idk..something to just get your mind off those feelings that bring you down -- even if it's just for a little while or even if it doesn't work 100% right away, it's a step in the right direction for you I think...
Hugs--
Hugs--
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: NJ
Posts: 702
Carine,
Glad you are doing better today, and Mia got to spend some special time with Daddy. Your time will come, I know how it sucks to wait for word. It was nice he sent you a text hopefully he will, or can do it more.
Hope you had a good birthday.
Hugs coming to you,
mum
Glad you are doing better today, and Mia got to spend some special time with Daddy. Your time will come, I know how it sucks to wait for word. It was nice he sent you a text hopefully he will, or can do it more.
Hope you had a good birthday.
Hugs coming to you,
mum
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Carine, I am glad that you got to see Rain and that Mia got to spend some time with her daddy. My husband is the strong, silent type He only talks a lot when he has been drinking. Maybe the Rain you saw on heroin is not the real Rain. Maybe the heroin made him more able to be loving. I know that my daughter told me that opiates made her more lovey dovey. There is also the fact that you are being monitered. That must put a damper on anything intimate between the two of you. Sending some prayers that the second half is not as bad as the past couple. Hugs, Marle
He only talks a lot when he has been drinking. Maybe the Rain you saw on heroin is not the real Rain. Maybe the heroin made him more able to be loving. I know that my daughter told me that opiates made her more lovey dovey. There is also the fact that you are being monitered. That must put a damper on anything intimate between the two of you. Sending some prayers that the second half is not as bad as the past couple. Hugs, Marle
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 2,126
Hey Carine ----
I've been keeping up on you and Rain and baby Mia, and I'm glad all seem to be going as calmly as it seems....I do have a question, and a suggestion ....
First off, the question.....no hugging/touching....? I understand visits are supervised, and that it is a Christian recovery place, but NO touching atall...? Is this the place's rule, or could this just be because of feeling like y'all are in a fishbowl....?
Enough of the silly question.....this I am sure will work itself out, and I was so glad to read how Rain is with the baby.....that is so good.... (o:
You wrote that after your visits, you're good for the first couple of weeks, but the last weeks before the next visit are a little tougher to get through...especially since it appears that you're not getting any letters from Rain....So, here's my suggestion.....since you'll have some free time (?), why not sit down and put together some cards/notes for Rain to send to you...include self-addressed/stamped envelopes (so, not excuse from that front)....and for the notes/cards....? Write out some multiple choice statements for him to check the appropriate boxes.....like....:
I am: ........doing good; doing poorly; sick; on top of the world (check all that apply)
Today was: ........a good day; a bad day; a tolerable day; a wonderful day in the neighborhood....(check all that apply).......
Mia misses her daddy; daddy: ..........misses Mia too; misses Mia too; misses Mia too (check all that apply)
Sometimes men need a gentle shove in the right direction.....lol.....mebbe this will help.....? and what the heck.....it will give you something to do, at least for a bit, anyway..... (o:
In the meantime, keep yer chin up.....and take care of li'll Mia..... (o:
NoelleR
I've been keeping up on you and Rain and baby Mia, and I'm glad all seem to be going as calmly as it seems....I do have a question, and a suggestion ....
First off, the question.....no hugging/touching....? I understand visits are supervised, and that it is a Christian recovery place, but NO touching atall...? Is this the place's rule, or could this just be because of feeling like y'all are in a fishbowl....?
Enough of the silly question.....this I am sure will work itself out, and I was so glad to read how Rain is with the baby.....that is so good.... (o:
You wrote that after your visits, you're good for the first couple of weeks, but the last weeks before the next visit are a little tougher to get through...especially since it appears that you're not getting any letters from Rain....So, here's my suggestion.....since you'll have some free time (?), why not sit down and put together some cards/notes for Rain to send to you...include self-addressed/stamped envelopes (so, not excuse from that front)....and for the notes/cards....? Write out some multiple choice statements for him to check the appropriate boxes.....like....:
I am: ........doing good; doing poorly; sick; on top of the world (check all that apply)
Today was: ........a good day; a bad day; a tolerable day; a wonderful day in the neighborhood....(check all that apply).......
Mia misses her daddy; daddy: ..........misses Mia too; misses Mia too; misses Mia too (check all that apply)
Sometimes men need a gentle shove in the right direction.....lol.....mebbe this will help.....? and what the heck.....it will give you something to do, at least for a bit, anyway..... (o:
In the meantime, keep yer chin up.....and take care of li'll Mia..... (o:
NoelleR
turning red!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: hong kong
Posts: 254
Thanks all for your replies.
I said it's easier the weeks following the visit but today is actually not much fun: it's pouring rain so can't do much... I do enjoy my face to face with Mia during the WE since i'm so busy during the week, but sometimes i wish i could share this time with him.
((Rozied))
thanks for your support, as always xoxo
((Itisatruth))
you're right maybe i should keep something in store for my second stage. I actually do have a trip in 2 weeks, in Vietnam, but it's for work..It still probably will keep my mind off things. Besides that i do yoga twice a week, it helps. thanks xox
((Mum))
it did feel good to finally receive a texto (though i cried like crazy when i received it, go figure). I had a good bday, thanks, went out with friends. xox
((Marle))
indeed Rain tended to be all lovey dovey while using. But i do also know the clean Rain as he's been clean for one year when i was with him, and 6 months and few months here and there. I also know that Rain is definitely like your husband: since i know him he's the quiet type (on drugs or off drugs). Still sometimes i NEED him to be more open. We'll see...
((Noelle))
You made me laugh
So, first the question: it's actually not a written law that we cannot touch, we actually do but very briefly like the odd hand on shoulder or leg or my feet slightly touching his feet:P But we can't really hug or kiss, and the main reason is because we have someone always around and it feels weird.
For your proposal, ahah, well honnestly it's a good & fun idea but i won't do it cos it's his turn to move his little finger. I won't do more than necessary and i'm actually thinking to not even write him a letter this month. We'll see, i might do your idea after all! thanks!
ok and now a little picture of Mia as you know how proud i am of her and want to show her to the world
[/IMG]
I said it's easier the weeks following the visit but today is actually not much fun: it's pouring rain so can't do much... I do enjoy my face to face with Mia during the WE since i'm so busy during the week, but sometimes i wish i could share this time with him.
((Rozied))
thanks for your support, as always xoxo
((Itisatruth))
you're right maybe i should keep something in store for my second stage. I actually do have a trip in 2 weeks, in Vietnam, but it's for work..It still probably will keep my mind off things. Besides that i do yoga twice a week, it helps. thanks xox
((Mum))
it did feel good to finally receive a texto (though i cried like crazy when i received it, go figure). I had a good bday, thanks, went out with friends. xox
((Marle))
indeed Rain tended to be all lovey dovey while using. But i do also know the clean Rain as he's been clean for one year when i was with him, and 6 months and few months here and there. I also know that Rain is definitely like your husband: since i know him he's the quiet type (on drugs or off drugs). Still sometimes i NEED him to be more open. We'll see...
((Noelle))
You made me laugh
So, first the question: it's actually not a written law that we cannot touch, we actually do but very briefly like the odd hand on shoulder or leg or my feet slightly touching his feet:P But we can't really hug or kiss, and the main reason is because we have someone always around and it feels weird.
For your proposal, ahah, well honnestly it's a good & fun idea but i won't do it cos it's his turn to move his little finger. I won't do more than necessary and i'm actually thinking to not even write him a letter this month. We'll see, i might do your idea after all! thanks!
ok and now a little picture of Mia as you know how proud i am of her and want to show her to the world
[/IMG]
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Cloud 9
Posts: 778
(((Carine))) It's good you noticed your pattern so you won't be surprised when it gets to the tough part of the month. Rain isn't used to emotions & is learning to feel & deal with them. Have you been able to voice your frustration to him? Like telling him you can't wait to see him but wish he could open up a little? Is he allowed any mail coming in? Like are you able to send him letters? Does this place he's at offer any help for the addicts family?
turning red!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: hong kong
Posts: 254
ouah, Mia is quite a handful today: she definitely got a "voice" and now that she discovered it, she knows how to use it!!!
((Helpus)) I did voice my frustration few times during visits and also in my letters (yes i did send quite a few already) and he knows about it but i think he doesn't realize it. He seems to think there's nothing he can do besides wait for his release...Or maybe he thinks sending me this text msg was already a HUGE favor or something. Go figure...
Thanks xox
((Helpus)) I did voice my frustration few times during visits and also in my letters (yes i did send quite a few already) and he knows about it but i think he doesn't realize it. He seems to think there's nothing he can do besides wait for his release...Or maybe he thinks sending me this text msg was already a HUGE favor or something. Go figure...
Thanks xox
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