Mr B

I got a phone call this evening from my XAGF's sister. XAGF has had a couple of seizures today and she's now in hospital. XAGF has been on a massive binge for the past couple of months and was staying with her sister to dry out. XAGF has long been having severe alcohol withdrawal symptoms when she's sobering up, but this is the first time I've known her to have seizures.

I'm scared, to be honest. I know that seizures are a serious danger sign. I'm trying not to let my imagination run away with me here with what could have happened if her sister wasn't there to call the ambulance, or what might happen if she deteriorates further. But having to explain to my children that their mother has finally drunk herself to death is a fear that I find very hard to completely block out.

I haven't told my children yet that their mum's in hospital, but I will do soon. I don't think it will be to anyone's benefit for my kids to see her there but I may get them to make her a card or something. That, and to repeatedly recite the 3C's, is about all I can think to do right now.

Mr B.

LucyA

Mr B I feel for you, my brother has just come out of hospital. i dunno if you've seen me around, but my brothers son lives with me and I wasn't sure if it would be beneficial to him to see his dad in hospital (he has other issues hospital was the last place he saw him mum before she died) but, as I wasn't sure how bad my brother was I checked with the nurses on the ward and explained my concerns, they were great and I took my nephew to see his dad on a good day. I don't know how old your kids are, my nephew is 11. My brother was there for 3 weeks, not detoxing, being treated for symptoms of alcoholism, and my nephew saw him twice. I would have hated to prevent him from seeing his dad 'for a last time' because I honestly didn't know if it would be or not.

Only you know if it's best for your children not to see her, I just wanted to share my experience with you.

Mr B

Lucy, thank you for your thoughts. It's given me a lot to think about. On reflection I think I need to put off making a decision right now as I'm still too shocked to be thinking entirely clearly. I'll give her sister a call tomorrow and see how things are going and make a choice from there.

Thanks again,
Mr B.

Janitw

((((((((((((Mr. B))))))))))))))

I hope she will be alright....seizures are so dangerous and it usually means a very serious situation is going on. I am so glad that she had her sister with her when they happened. Too many have died because there was no one to help them.

Janitw

YellowRed

:praying

Mr B, I feel for you. I don't know how you cope with it but it's a reality I may have to face one day. I think there's a chance my xAH will drink himself to death and I have kids too. I've seem some pretty terrifying detox side effects already.

She's in the best place for her if she's in hospital. Perhaps it's worth going to see her yourself before deciding whetehr the children should see her. Hospitals can be pretty scary anyway. I suppose it will depends on how old they are and what they know about her condition already.

Hope you are OK. Really thinking of you. :ghug

Mr B

Thanks everyone. It really means a lot to me to be able to come here and talk about a situation where people understand what the issues really are.

I've talked to XAGF's sister some more and talked to my kids and I've changed my mind - we're going to go and see her tomorrow in hospital. My kids are desperate to see their mum as they haven't seen her for nearly two months as she's been too drunk. But she's still their mum, they're worried about her and they miss her. As an object lesson in "This is what happens when you drink too much for too long" it will also be worthwhile (although I'm not going to put it that bluntly).

I must admit that I'm not looking forward to it myself as the chaos and drama she's been kicking up over the last couple of months has been way beyond the usual selfishness and thoughtlessness. She's been actively malicious. It's going to be hard to not let resentment get the better of me.

Thanks again everyone,
Mr B.

Taking5

If the kids are old enough, I would indeed put it this bluntly. I cannot second guess you, but you and your family are on my prayer list tonight.

Mair

Prayers to you and your family. Mabye this will be her bottom, take care of you and your children.

Gill x

Rainbowsend

To awful to contemplate having to discuss this with children, sending you hugs from just down the road

Mr B

Thanks everyone. We went to see XAGF in hospital today. She was a mess, totally self-centered, insisting that she would be leaving the hospital at the earliest opportunity, didn't really seem to appreciate the dangers or risks, wanted to go home but then would "look into rehab or something" quack quack quack... It was just so sad. She was more shuffling along than walking but she used to be so elegant.

My children were understandably upset to see her like this but I do think it was in their long-term best interests. Thanks, Lucy, for showing me that there were more choices here. I had a good chat with both of them afterwards and while they're sad and worried, I think they now appreciate that I wasn't keeping them away from their mum for no reason. She really is in a bad way and she really isn't in any fit state to be able to look after them even for an afternoon. XAGF hardly asked the children anything about them or what they'd been doing, instead it was just all about her.

She then tried to borrow some money off me (big surprise) but I refused. She can't be trusted with it and she owes me a large amount of unpaid child maintenance anyway. She then said "I just need you to be a friend to me right now" while she tried to hold my hand. My skin literally crawled and I had to fight an almost overpowering urge to start screaming at her to get the f--- off me. It was only because the children were in earshot that I didn't say anything, I just walked away. Anybody who's treated me the way that she has over the years, or even over just the last couple of months, is no friend of mine. While I'm sad to see her like this, I'm not going to fall for that one again...

Thanks again,
Mr B.