littlefish

I started drinking last week again after almost 70 days of sobriety. It has been a journey into hell. I called two contacts from AA today and thanks to them, I am stopping again.
God, I can't believe I started drinking again, when my sober life was so great.
I need some advice, and quick.
I got a job while I was sober and it is a job I actually hate.
I am tempted to quit right now.

My boss is already pissed off at me because I missed work today. I started drinking at around 9AM this morning and that is why I missed work. I will absolutely not drive when drunk.

So I called her up and she really gave me a chewing out. I lied and said I had the stomach flu. Two of my contacts from AA told me to lie and do not tell her I am an alcoholic.
I am tempted to tell her about being an alcoholic, but I guess it is probably not a good idea. I don't feel good about lying, either.
What would you do?

Ananda

Whats done is done as far as calling in sick....I honestly would have recommended just saying that you are ill...as this is true. But I have not gone back to my boss and corrected the lie that all those times i called in drunk I really had the flu, a freind died, a dog sick etc.

For today just put the focus on getting sober. So good that you called your sober friends for help I know what a tough call that is to make.

Please let us know how you are doing!

Horselover

Littlefish - I don't have much to offer, but support. Glad you reached out to your AA contacts. Good job and now you're getting back on the wagon. I wouldn't ruin that by telling your boss. Just my opinion. (((LITTLEFISH)))

Anna

Hi Littlefish,

I don't like lying either, but personally, I would never, ever tell anyone I worked with, that I was an alcoholic. You called in and said you were sick and now it's time to focus on your recovery.

NewDayNow

I will only tell another alcoholic that I am an Alcoholic and only in a meeting. That is not lying and it's no ones business.

Glad your here, seems like a good place for you now

Ed

littlefish

Thanks everyone. This place is exactly what I need. Thanks for all the hugs and support.

CarolD

What are your plans for de toxing?
Are your AA contacts going to assist you?

Good to know you are getting back on track...

littlefish

I will use my substance abuse center for this. They have been calling me all week because I have skipped my visits. They know I am in trouble and it is a good feeling that they are there for me. I am not so messed up that the detox will be dangerous. I am in good health physically.
Mentally, yeah, I'm a total mess. Sigh.

DSodaNow

Glad that you are back and using your contacts for support. I also would not tell your boss about being an alcoholic. I never bring my disease outside of the rooms.

freshstart

What do you do now? Well... realize that you are an alcoholic...which means that you are powerless over alcohol. You are not a bad person because you went back out. You are an alcoholic who made a bad decision but now has an opportunity to make a good decision and get back on track. All you lost was a sober date and you get another one of those today. As for your boss... i don't see any reason to call up and say hey, by the way, i'm an alcoholic. Would serve no purpose. I don't think it would be productive. That's what your personal support system and the program is for. Just get back on track now. That should be your only focus. You can do this. You have to.

V

Isaiah

You *were* sick. Alcohol is a poison that acts on the digestive system. The only difference between it and a stomach flu is that one you cause and the other is caused upon you.

Remember that while you might understand what it is to be an alcoholic, the rest of the world doesn't always. I wouldn't provoke any kind of stigma against yourself.

You did a great thing by getting back on track; feeling ashamed makes it harder to understand just how much dignity it takes to start again. Don't think of the experience as a waste of all the sobriety you had before. Those 70 days still mean a lot, and are money in the bank as you make another go at kicking the habit.

There is a lot of the flu going around these days.

justme623

Hey, best of luck to you that you keep on the sober track. Remember that your life was so much better when you were sober and that you cannot afford to keep missing work because of the drinking. I made the mistake of letting my boss know I was an alcoholic, I let them know because I had to go to treatment for 30 days. But I regret telling them and having it get around the office. Now even if I am legitamately ill, I feel as if they are wondering. Anyway, I wish the best for you!

stone

Yep, that's the insanity of it all.

Glad you're back on track.

tommyk

What would you do?

Realize that nothing changes if nothing changes.

Formulate a new plan for staying sober.

littlefish

I just thought I'd report in here and let you all know how my weekend progressed. I decided not to contact my substance abuse center and went to bed. By early Saturday morning, I had not slept at all because of severe heart palpitations. I thought maybe there was still some antabuse in my system causing that, but that didn't make sense because I quit antibuse almost 21 days ago and drank last week without any effects from antabuse. A senseless, thoughtless plan, I know.

I asked my husband to drive me to the emergency room and they (and I) finally figured out it wasn't an antabuse/alcohol reaction, I was going through alcohol withdrawal. That shocked me, but it shouldn't have.

In my 6 day drinking spree (or should I say, return to hell), I consumed a huge amount of alcohol and that was after almost 60 days of sobriety. I guess that was too much of a yoyo spin for my body.

I am in my mid-50's and I should have realized I can't put my body through the wringer like I used to and my health is not what it used to be.

Now I have to start all over and that hurts. But, that sense of pain is nothing compared to living in that hell for 6 days. I felt like I was transported to another planet that had fumes in the air that deprived me of my wits, my integrity, my self confidence and reduced me to a person seemingly without a will of my own.

NewDayNow

Well, it sounds like your not drinking right now

That's great!

Ed

Rowan

I'm glad you and your husband had the good sense to go to the hospital.

Please - call your substance abuse centre and accept the help that is there while you are still feeling poorly. If you wait any longer, you may decide that you don't need help.

Thinking of you.

NewDayNow

Oh, I'm also in my mid 50's and 3 weeks sober. feeling fairly good now

Ed

bostonluv

First of all - Welcome back. Your journey to hell is helpful for other alcoholics, like myself. Thank you for posting it and I am glad you will coming back out of hell. I still cry on the relapse posts because I hate this disease and I hate that one drink turns into week long benders (or months or years) for us. But isn't amazing how you post this and no explaination is necessary really - we all understand. It's not far fetched. It's an insanity that we've all experienced and we are all afraid of it and yet can walk down the corner today, buy a pint and maybe think nothing of it - our return to hell. *Shiver* Welcome back.

chickenlady

I'm rooting for you girl! You're doing all the right things. I'm so very happy to hear that your husband is supporting and helping you. Mine always wanted to fire me out the door. Glad you're back on track! :ghug3