Horselover

I have to talk about this. We have no money and I mean none. I am so sick of thinking about frickin money, but I couldn't go to the store for a gallon of milk right now. Payday is an entire week away. Cashed in our savings to pay off a card and I don't want to use that card because I am afraid of seeing the debt mount up. I have no idea how to pay for son's birthday and upcoming Christmas. I really wish there were elves and Santa right now.

My grandmother, who was suppose to turn 90 this month, has pancreatic cancer and wasn't in pain, but is getting there. I was never close with her because she and my mom didn't get along and that's putting it nicely. I still love her, but feel guilty there's not more feeling there. She said some horrible things to my mom over the years, but when dad and mom divorced she came around. Figures!

May have to take puppy back to vet because she won't remain calm and I believe she may have popped her stiches (1 or 2 of them). I'm going to call this morning.

I know everyone is in a mood and I am no exception. I feel like money issues right now shouldn't be an issue because I'm being a good girl. I'm not buying booze anymore. I just want to be able to go to the store and buy a gallon of milk for my family.

I am trying to find a job. No kidding! I am. Walmart's not hiring here and that's the standard line I'm getting. The school will put me on standby with this sub thing, but standby!

Sorry! Had to rant today. A bit overwhelmed and all!!

zendust

My gosh! Do I identify with you.

My money problems sometimes seem insurmountable. But when I stay in the present moment, and don't think about the past or, worse yet, the future...I can remain in some semblance of calm.

Check into food pantries. They don't ask many questions and getting some stuff to stock your cabinets with can help a bit.

You are not alone. Thank you for ranting...it helped me.

least

I can SO relate to this it's pathetic. I have no solutions to offer, only understanding and big hugs. You're not alone, even tho it feels that way.

:ghug3

Horselover

Thanks Zen and Least. I know people are sick of hearing about the money thing, but its very real and when you are raising a 5 year old and he comes home everyday with something requesting money for this and that!! Schools can nickel and dime you even when you're out of nickels and dimes. I appreciate you 2 taking the time to offer support. I know I have worn most everyone else out on SR, but I do appreciate your support.

My dad just emailed and said gram is failing fast. I feel so bad for my dad because this is his last parent and its got to be so incredibly hard to lose one's parents. She's my last grandparent and that's a little hard to swallow too. I am glad she's not lingering with this though because I have heard how painful this type of cancer can be and in the end, she mellowed towards my mom and they actually exchanged cards at holidays and birthdays. Life is something else sometimes.

Impurrfect

((Horselover))

You haven't worn out anyone on SR.

I totally understand about the money thing. I wait tables and no one is eating out anymore, because they can't afford it. Jobs are scarce and, on top of it all, we are having a gas shortage here in GA.

I have had to use a credit card that I had paid off, and I feel a sense of panic having to do it. I don't want to run it back up, but have to have gas in my car to get to work and HOPE I make a little money.

I'm sorry about your gram. My uncle died, last Nov., of pancreatic cancer. They had him under hospice care and he had a very peaceful death.

I don't have any great advice, but I do understand what you're going through. I keep thinking I should play the lottery, but don't want to spend even $1 for it.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Rowan

I just wanted to offer support and understanding - it makes sense to me that you would feel overwhelmed right now. I'm in a similar boat.
Big hugs.

Ananda

Horsy - I just woke up and got logged on and I saw youre name on this post and came here first.....

I admire your willingness to put it out there even if it feels uncomfortable. and get the help you need!

I have been where you are, and honestly I'm not today....so you help me to remember what it can be like...and by that I mean not this diseaase, but the whole having no financial resources thing. I also know i could be in financial problems in the future as things are always changing.

Zendust hit on something that helps me...what can i do right now...do it...then put my mind on other things.....easy to say but sometimes hard to do.

I remember my first Chrismas sober with a 5 year old son, not tree, no gifts, no nothing at a meeting and feeling so issolated as people talked of sobriety...but they all had money! There problems were sooooo different.

being able to talk with others who are going through the same thing works not only in helping to stay sober, but in staying sober in bad financial situations. Talk with others who are going through the same stuff....it really helps to know you are not alone and are doing all the right stuff.

I started to see that although sobriety did not mean I was going to be able to pay all my bills....it gave me something else...tools to get through it and people who were having the same struggles to share the journey with!

big hugs from me

Horselover

Thanks Amy, Rowan and Ananda. Ananda you are so special to me.

I am so not in a good place today. I sit here crying because I can't be with my Dad. It costs so much money to fly back there and he doesn't want me to come back and see gram. He wants me to remember her as I last saw her. I can't even afford to go back for the funeral. Guess what - as beautiful as New Mexico is I made the wrong choice. I moved away from my Dad and I miss him terribly. I just told my Mom I would move back there tomorrow if I could and of course, she wouldn't. She loves it here and would stay here and therefore, I would have the same problem if we moved with her just as far away as Dad is from me now and I am super close to my Mom. Damn it! Life sucks right now and I am sorry. I guess I need a really long cry and then a really long walk!!

adore79

:ghug3

CarolD

Check out what local resources are around....
Catholic Charities ...no you don't have to be Catholic
Salvation Army.....County and State Welfare Offices
Ask around in your AA group for information.

Both the VFW and Masonic Lodge here have special funds
for a 1 time emergency personal gift when you have a child.
I don't know know about where you live.

Sorry you are having money problems....it's hard to be poor!


Prayers for your Grandmothers peace
and prayers of comfort for those who love her.

dancinggirl

I'm so sorry you're going through this!!!

mle-sober

Horselover,

There have been several times in my life that I've used food pantries. I hope you do investigate what's in your area!

I'm sorry you're suffering and feeling low. I am thinking of you and rooting for you. Hang in there.

Fiona630

Horselover,

ur so not alone with the money thing. Im so in debt because of student loans. Try to better myself, go to nursing school, only to find this 2 yr program will actually take 5 yrs..for an assoc. degree. Meanwhile I have borrowed two private student loans that my mom cosigned and every semester, and i go year round to school, i borrow money from the stafford loan(going on my 3rd year of school) Its looking like im so screwed with the nursing program being that i had to get drunk instead of study for my nursing classes and failed..now i dont know if i can retake my class..im looking at just seeing where i stand to finish up a assoc. in science and getting a job...cant afford to keep living like this. My husband is self employed and its seasonal so we have to make it stretch. Needless to say we are on foodstamps..but a family of 3 only gets around $200 a month...I can spend that in a week easily. With milk costing as much as a gallon of gas..things are crazy. My mom has taken out a loan to pay off most of our debt so i could continue to stay in school but there is talk about with the economy as bad as it is student loans may be a thing of the past soon...so i find myself in a bind. Back a few years ago i had gotten a misdemeanor retail fraud..that was wrong place wrong time with a family member i no longer talk to..but its on my record...$700 to get it off my record..which im taking my next student loan check to do..i cant get a job with this on my record..so im just in a bind all around. I had my first migraine yesterday..dont know if it was stress and really wanting a beer yesterday or what. But today i feel better and I didnt drink and just put everything out of my head and figured I will deal with everything on monday..lol..on top of all that my sons dog got out of his kennel july 26(they are indoor dogs but when we leave, they get put in the kennel..they are young and tend to eat my furniture and carpet).he and his sister both..found his sister but not him. Being broke I did what I could..craigslist, ad in local paper, fliers. No luck. I met a woman on craigslist whose dog was missing too. She found him, 3 months to the date. She took the reward money and donated it to a shelter and sent some to an animal communicator for me that she used. I dont know how people feel about them and psychics, but when ur pet is like ur child, i guess u will do whatever u can..so this person says my dog is alive, he misses us and wants to come home. he is in Mi, about 37 miles south of me, taylor MI. with an amish family..oh ok. I asked her to give him a signal to look at their mail so she could see it..he, i guess, sends her images...w/e..but that bit of info has kept our faith up, as corny and off the deep end as it may be, we love that damn dog. She says we will get him back mid october but I have to advertise in a paper out that way..omg..are u kidding me? I cant find an amish community directly south, only 37 miles out! I found them southwest..about 100 miles from me..sigh. Im about to just go exactly 37 miles south, find the nearest town and advertise..BUT i dont have the money. My son cries all the time for his dog...my hands are tied and it sucks. Seeing my son upset makes me upset and I just got way to long with this..sorry...I was trying to make someone else feel a bit better and i got swept away with my own problems, Im sorry...horselover..ur not alone! We just have to stay strong and for surely not let this be an excuse to drink! hang in there! :ghug3

Eclipse

Hang in there HorseLover. These are hard times. I think we are all feeling it. I hate going to the store and seeing the prices higher every day. It just seem ridiculous and very scary.

Prayers for your grandma.

Aysha

Fulldresser4

So sorry you are going through all of this...I think we all feel your pain.:ghug3
Check with your local churches also...many times they are able to help with food.
I will keep you in my prayers.

Chops

Wish you the best, money issues were tough for me at times. Indeed it does feel like that everything happens all at once, especially bills. Once I expressed my financial insecurity at a meeting, getting hit with the financial wreckage of the past, someone said "God never gives us more than we can handle", I wanted to slap the taste out of their mouth.

At times I think the same way, dude I am being good, why are things still hitting me from all sides? But the wreckage and past deeds does not go away with physical sobriety.......sucks, but it is what it is.

Good Luck,

C

Horselover

Had the long cry and the long walk. Feeling better. Still homesick for my dad, but I'm better then I was.

IO Storm

HL..

First..

:ghug3:

Second..I was a caseworker for AFDC and Foodstamps for 13 years

prior to becoming a social worker..if you are not receiving..please

apply. There is no shame in it.

So sorry you are going through this.

endzoner

((( horsey))) some time after soberity i lost my job due to the seasonal palce i was living , elect , phone , rent , fines, and all that .. I was makin 77.00 a week which didnt even cover my rent . to this day i have no idea how i did it , just know that i survived what i thought was the hardest time of my sober life . I did have food stamps wasnt much but that could explain how i lost so much weight . but it was better then nuttin , I didnt have a car nor a lisc so moving to a diff location was definatly outta the question . least where i was, I was able to walk down the streets of deadwood and hound um bout jobs i did every day .. till i finally got one . yes things are tuff . dont think bout the holidays you know its one day at a time and its cpl months away yet, something will pan out , just gotta pray for patience , i know its hard but you will survive this as i did and many others , its just a bump in the road .. keep on posten as much as you need your never over doing it love yah Mrs O :ghug3