veruca211

Ive been with my boyfriend for a year as of last week. We met in California where we live but he has been back in his home town of Phoenix the past two months. He went out there for alcohol inpatient rehab for a month and has been staying with his folks the last month to save up so he can mve back to CA. He was visiting this past week and we had a really great time. I will be completely honest and tell you, I blew it. He wanted to have champagne for our anniversary and I said NO NO NO. Unfortunately, he was really convincing and told me he was fine and didnt want to be that old guy. But he could handle a drink. I believed him. So stupid. Well, this morning I had a bad feeling when I woke up because he didnt call me last night, which he always does. Turns out he is jail for because he got arrested for a DUI last night and trying to run from the cops! His license was already suspended due to a DUI 2 years ago that he has defaulted on the payments. AZ DUI laws are tough so he's looking at some serious jail time. His parents have been out of town since last Monday, so his sister went to the house today to check things out. She found multiple empty bottles with receipts dating back to the day they went out of town ( before he came out here and we had champage). I still feel awful for being weak and drinking with him, but now I know he started even before he came out here.
I am just sick over this. We love eachother so much and have so much fun together- and we dont need the alcohol to do so. His parents have invested so much time and money trying to get him healthy. We all really beleived he was doing ok, which just makes this even harder. He was going to AA meetings every night and was in out patient recovery twice a week. I am just so sad and angry at the smae time. We've made plans for our future and then just like that, they are gone. I know it's over with us, it has to be. But Im just so damn heartbroken and whats even worse is he really is a great person. I just feel so damn cheated. I have been through the ringer with all of this. Ive been here alone in CA trying to justify supporting him and giving it another chance to myself and my friends. I thought true love was enough. But now I realize that the booze is always going to beat me out. He lied straight to my face over and over that he's been sober. How can he do that? I know this is just a big jumble of feelings, but I just feel so alone, sad, angry, etc.

Astro

Welcome to SR veruca, I hope you find support, comfort, and the answers you're looking for here.

I know it's difficult, but please try to stop beating yourself up and accepting responsibility over this. You aren't powerful enough to make him drink or keep him sober.

As an alcoholic I'm the only one I can hold accountable for my sobriety and recovery. If I decide to drink it's my choice, not anyone else's. It's also my job to stay focused on a recovery program and on staying sober.

Have you been to Al-Anon or CoDA meetings? They can be a great help. This site can be excellent support also, you might want to check out the Friends & Family Of Alcoholics forums for help with situations similar to yours.

Astro

BTW, when your BF is released from jail you might want to pass along this link North Scottsdale Fellowship Club - Home-Home
If he's in the Phoenix area it's a great place for recovery meetings.

veruca211

Thanks Astro. It felt good to have some contact and insight with this. Today was a rough one. I made the stupid mistake of getting drunk myself last night because I just wanted to be checked out and numb, ya know? Still paying for it physically today and now Im just even more depressed! I know you are right and I cant blame myself- he's an adult. This is just so hard because I know how much we truly love eachother and I know what a great person he is, minus this disease. He has a court date on Wednesday, so we'll find out what sentence, etc he is facing. Am I crazy to still want to be with him? I mean, what if he is in jail for a while? Im only 26, but at the same time IM 26. My friends are getting married, having babies, etc. and I just dont want to miss out on the that because Im waiting and praying he's going to pull it together and truly want to stay sober. Is love enough? Should I just wash my hands of him? I'm so confused and sad. I went to one al-anon meeting but it just felt weird. I dont drink much, but I do like to go out here and there or have some drinks at home. I just didnt understand why I'd have to do the 12 steps. Hmmm, ya not really sure about anything I guess

Rella927

Welcome to SR Veruca! Glad that you found us...Astro gave some great advice above-

Sorry that you are going through this please check out our other forums-We have a Friends & Family forum and there are stickies at the top of the forums filled with a wealth of information!

When I went to my first Al-Anon meeting it felt odd to me too but I stuck with it-I went because of the Alcoholics in my life...and ended up staying for ME! There was a lot I realized that I was doing to myself to stop me from living a happy life-Please try another one...just sit and focus on what others share, you will be glad that you did!

Keep praying for him as it is his choice to follow through with his recovery-so please as Astro stated stop beating yourself up-it is not your fault!

Stick around read and get to know us-there is a lot of support here!

veruca211

Thanks a lot. I'm going to take your advice and give another meeting a shot!