new guy....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: far far from home
Posts: 373
new guy....
Checking in,
Five months today since the last drink. Back in AA, did my 90 & 90, more like 90 & 180 and joined a home group, morning meeting that meets everyday except Sunday. Meetings for me work, despite myself if I show up I change. Learning albeit slowly to converse with others and put my hand out, it is tough. Have been in the program before so I have no expectations, I feel good but I have felt good before so that is no indication of future progress.
What is different this time? Well without over analyzing things which I tend to do I understand that I have a thinking problem as well as a drinking problem. Putting down the booze was easier than dealing everyday with my own mind, thoughts, etc. I finally realize that I view the world even sober through the prism of an alcoholic. I can't trust my mind. My best thinking, well it got me to where alot of us end up, not good places. However, I still have bottoms to go, many "yets" are out there.
Well I am learning in my meetings that I am not the center of attention and that the world does not revolve around me, feels good to know that other alcoholics have the same feelings of grandiosity and egoism run amock. For me it is about my ego and learning acceptance.
Dealing with the symptoms of the disease is rough, but what else can I do? Drinking doesn't work, so I have to learn to deal with reality, life on life's terms which I don't very much enjoy.
Like they say this is going to be a hell of a ride.
Registered here because I am an isolater that hates to be alone.
Regards,
Chops
Five months today since the last drink. Back in AA, did my 90 & 90, more like 90 & 180 and joined a home group, morning meeting that meets everyday except Sunday. Meetings for me work, despite myself if I show up I change. Learning albeit slowly to converse with others and put my hand out, it is tough. Have been in the program before so I have no expectations, I feel good but I have felt good before so that is no indication of future progress.
What is different this time? Well without over analyzing things which I tend to do I understand that I have a thinking problem as well as a drinking problem. Putting down the booze was easier than dealing everyday with my own mind, thoughts, etc. I finally realize that I view the world even sober through the prism of an alcoholic. I can't trust my mind. My best thinking, well it got me to where alot of us end up, not good places. However, I still have bottoms to go, many "yets" are out there.
Well I am learning in my meetings that I am not the center of attention and that the world does not revolve around me, feels good to know that other alcoholics have the same feelings of grandiosity and egoism run amock. For me it is about my ego and learning acceptance.
Dealing with the symptoms of the disease is rough, but what else can I do? Drinking doesn't work, so I have to learn to deal with reality, life on life's terms which I don't very much enjoy.
Like they say this is going to be a hell of a ride.
Registered here because I am an isolater that hates to be alone.
Regards,
Chops
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: far far from home
Posts: 373
Originally Posted by PaulN 
Hi Chops,
Got a Big Book? What step are you on?
Got a Big Book? What step are you on?
I do steps 1,2,3 and then 10 each night. Still trying to do step 1 perfectly which I am told is the only one that has to be perfectly done. A guy with 20+ years at my step meeting says that we can do the 4th when ready and that can be a long time, my sponsor who has 28 years agrees. I have not made any real amends through the steps but with the 10th step nightly I follow the rule that when you are in a hole, just stop digging, I can worry about filling it in later.
Unfortunately, my BB collects dust, once a week I go to my BB group.
C
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,777
Welcome to the family Chops! It's good to have you with us. Sounds like you know what to do to keep yourself on the right path. Congrats on your sober time.
I understand very well about the "stinking drinking thinking". Have had to change my attitude along with staying sober. Having to learn new ways of dealing with life on life's terms. But I'm doing alright so far!
Again, welcome!
I understand very well about the "stinking drinking thinking". Have had to change my attitude along with staying sober. Having to learn new ways of dealing with life on life's terms. But I'm doing alright so far!
Again, welcome!
OMG everything's real
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: England
Posts: 4,020
Hi Chops. I'm very new in AA and have also been stunned to find I am not the centre of the universe LOL!! Takes the pressure off, though, doesn't it?
One of my favourite bits in the big book is when they talk about how we all want to be director of the play and how everything would go right if other people would just only do what we wanted them to. That had me laughing at myself, it was so me!
One of my favourite bits in the big book is when they talk about how we all want to be director of the play and how everything would go right if other people would just only do what we wanted them to. That had me laughing at myself, it was so me!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: far far from home
Posts: 373
Originally Posted by lostbutterfly
Hi Chops. I'm very new in AA and have also been stunned to find I am not the centre of the universe LOL!! Takes the pressure off, though, doesn't it?
One of my favourite bits in the big book is when they talk about how we all want to be director of the play and how everything would go right if other people would just only do what we wanted them to. That had me laughing at myself, it was so me!
One of my favourite bits in the big book is when they talk about how we all want to be director of the play and how everything would go right if other people would just only do what we wanted them to. That had me laughing at myself, it was so me!
Yep, I raised my hand once at a group, I had a problem with something or rather, "if only things worked this way, blah, blah, blah " bunch of old timers afterwards said to go home and read that section of the big book. Very appropiate.
The other day I had to make a call to this guy at work, the lady who answered the phone said he is busy right now, I said tell him it is (my name here), she said, "well he is still busy", I was shocked. Doesn't everybody know who I think I am???
A guy at meetings always says to me, if a room full of drunks had a tooth ache who's tooth would hurt the most?
C
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,051
Hello Chops, and welcome to SR! Glad to hear you're going to AA and doing the deal. That's inspiring to me!
I noticed you're from the north shore of MA. Back in the early 90's I lived in Revere at the Point Of Pines near the Lynn line. I'd like to say I had the experience of going to meetings there, but at that time I was definitely deep in my disease. I had an intimate relationship with Lynnway Liquors!
I really miss the fried clams at Kelly's!
Hope to hear more from you, keep coming back!
I noticed you're from the north shore of MA. Back in the early 90's I lived in Revere at the Point Of Pines near the Lynn line. I'd like to say I had the experience of going to meetings there, but at that time I was definitely deep in my disease. I had an intimate relationship with Lynnway Liquors!
I really miss the fried clams at Kelly's!
Hope to hear more from you, keep coming back!
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Hello there Chops! 
Welcome to SR! Glad that you found us and glad that you are
on the road to recovery...Please check out our other forums and share your ESH with others as they will with you! Keep posting
Welcome to SR! Glad that you found us and glad that you are
on the road to recovery...Please check out our other forums and share your ESH with others as they will with you! Keep posting
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Southern New Hampshire
Posts: 746
Qualify your sponsor
Originally Posted by Chops
I do steps 1,2,3 and then 10 each night. Still trying to do step 1 perfectly which I am told is the only one that has to be perfectly done. A guy with 20+ years at my step meeting says that we can do the 4th when ready and that can be a long time, my sponsor who has 28 years agrees. I have not made any real amends through the steps but with the 10th step nightly I follow the rule that when you are in a hole, just stop digging, I can worry about filling it in later.
Unfortunately, my BB collects dust, once a week I go to my BB group.
C
Unfortunately, my BB collects dust, once a week I go to my BB group.
C
I would be real leary of any sponsor who suggested putting off step work. I would ask your sponsor why he is alcoholic. (it has nothing to do with external events) It's about a physical craving, a mental obsession, and a spiritual malady that is deeply rooted in selfish self centered attitudes and behaviors. There are quite a few folks in AA who are not alcoholic in the way the basic text describes.
It is good to practice step 10. My book tells me that my job at step 10 is to be of maximum service to God and my fellow humans. Steps 4-9 unblock me from God and my fellows allowing me to do just this. Good luck on your journey.
OMG everything's real
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: England
Posts: 4,020
I am doing step 4 now. *sigh* I need a big book LOL!! It's been good for me though! I seem to oscillate between thinking I'm worthless and thinking I'm perfect, when I suspect that I am probably just average. How are things going Chops?
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