My fear: Being alone

Old 10-01-2008, 10:07 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Mobile AL
Posts: 101
My fear: Being alone

In true codie fashion, I have decided to post today about my worst fear: Being alone.

I was born into a very loving household, and I am an only child. My mother has suffered from manic depression since the day I was born, if not before. We were separated at birth when she went to recover from post partum psychosis. She was in the hospital for 30 days.

I am nearing the end of my first pregnancy and although I know I am not my mother, I am petrified of someone taking my child away from me.

Lastnight I had a dream that I was in the hospital, and I woke up to find an IV in my arm with codeine coursing through my veins. I want a completely drug free labor, and the fact that I woke up so disoriented scared the crap out of me. There was no one at the hospital by my side. My ABF apparently had gone home.

I told my ABF that I had a nightmare and he said that the doctors and nurses in my dream must have loved my award winning personality. I told him that I was scared of being alone and he replied that I certainly would be....so that he could go home to sleep and shower and eat. He of course rolled over and went to sleep, and when I started crying he asked what was wrong.....but was obviously to comfortable to comfort me at all.

I have been grappling with the decision of leaving my ABF before I go into labor to live with my parents. For such a joyous occasion I should have folks surrounding me with love, not someone who may or may not even show up because he needs a cigarette or because it will interfere with his habit.


I know the dream is a manifestation of more than just being alone in the hospital. I know that the concrete boots that I seem to be wearing are because of my own fear of leaving, of being alone....of raising a baby alone.

I am so emotionally exhausted. I am trying to focus on my needs and the baby. I'm also formulating a plan in my head, should I just jump in the car and go. It is so hard when in addition to that I'm worried about our finances if I stay (ABF lost his job 2 weeks ago----my fault of course).


I have a disease. I am a codie. My addiction is worrying about others.
orviske is offline  
Old 10-01-2008, 01:01 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
prodigal's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
Originally Posted by orviske View Post
I told my ABF that I had a nightmare and he said that the doctors and nurses in my dream must have loved my award winning personality. I told him that I was scared of being alone and he replied that I certainly would be....so that he could go home to sleep and shower and eat. He of course rolled over and went to sleep, and when I started crying he asked what was wrong.....but was obviously to comfortable to comfort me at all.

I have a disease. I am a codie. My addiction is worrying about others.
I admire your honesty. You don't sound as if you are in denial about the reality of your situation and the role you are playing in it.

It's not my place to tell other folks what to do, but this man is treating you - the mother of his child - as less than crap. This is neglectful, cold-hearted abuse.

This guy as already abandoned you. He is a body occupying space in your home. So, I'm gonna take the plunge and strongly suggest to you, that in spite of your fears, you go home to your family.

It sounds as if your family cares about you and loves you. This man is not supporting you financially or emotionally. He is just downright self-centered and mean to you.

I know you are having difficulty figuring you why you are sticking by somebody like this, but it may be better for you and your baby if you figured it out at a distance - as in away from him.

You deserve to be treated with love and respect. And from what I'm hearing, this guy doesn't have a single tiny sliver of it to give right now.
prodigal is offline  
Old 10-01-2008, 01:55 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: florida
Posts: 269
i kinda know how you feel, i am also pregnant, but i wasnt given a choice of leaving my husband, he ran off when i was two months pregnant, i will be delivering this baby with my mother and father at my side, and probably raising him alone also, unless i am stupid enough to ever take my husband back but im working on the strentgh never to be that stupid again.

even as hard as my life has been since he left, i think its better than im surrounded by my family , i dont have the stress of dealing with him, my mother is going to help me with the baby so i can work after the baby, i think you will be better off with your family but i know how hard that decision is, but do you really want to be stressed out when your in labour from your boyfriend maybe or maybe not being there, my husband asked to be in the delivery room (long story) but i told him no, hes with another woman , living his life and all his "fun", i dont want the stress of all that when im in labour, his pattern is he will probably try to come back but i dont want all that stress around my baby or him being drunk every night, really now it comes down to whats best for the baby and believe me one of my worst fears is being alone, but a bigger fear is him screwing up my kid and my child becoming an alcoholic, that to me is worse than being alone, i am already like a mother bear with a cub, and my son isnt even born yet

but you gotta do what you think is best for you and the baby, i hope everything works out for you
veryrestless722 is offline  
Old 10-01-2008, 04:17 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
TooMuch4TooLong's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 163
QUOTE=orviske;1929546].


I told my ABF that I had a nightmare and he said that the doctors and nurses in my dream must have loved my award winning personality. I told him that I was scared of being alone and he replied that I certainly would be....so that he could go home to sleep and shower and eat. He of course rolled over and went to sleep, and when I started crying he asked what was wrong.....but was obviously to comfortable to comfort me at all.

For such a joyous occasion I should have folks surrounding me with love, not someone who may or may not even show up because he needs a cigarette or because it will interfere with his habit.[QUOTE=orviske;1929546].

WHAT AN AHOLE!


I know the dream is a manifestation of more than just being alone in the hospital. I know that the concrete boots that I seem to be wearing are because of my own fear of leaving, of being alone....of raising a baby alone.
[QUOTE=orviske;1929546].

Would you rather raise your baby with this O? I don't know about anyone else but I would like to find your BF's inner child and kick it's little a$$. Excuse the language but he has not a clue what he has been given in this world and I think, in fact I know you know what a precious gift you have. I am about to say something I have never said before, not even to my best friend. This guy is...dang it I can't say it. I don't want to get kicked off the board. So I will say this: :codiepolice:

Honey get in the car and go. You know in your heart that it will be harder to raise this baby the way you want it to be raised with him. I know you don't want to raise your child with someone who treats you like that because you want your baby to know what love really is. YOU CAN DO THIS. Please don't think you can't because I know you can. Get in the car and take care of Lil'Mama, please. Much love.
TooMuch4TooLong is offline  
Old 10-01-2008, 04:46 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
GiveLove's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Orviske,

I've never been a mother, and so I can't know how you're feeling.

But I've been somebody's child, and I have been by the side of women I love who have had children, and I really do believe in the power of dreams to guide us.

You say you were born into a loving family. It seems that......you ought to at least consider gifting your new child with the same privilege. The situation you're in now is neglectful at best and abusive at worst...and if you think that emotional laziness and self-centeredness will stop with YOU, I'm afraid you may want to rethink that.

When the novelty of your child wears off, he or she will be the lucky recipient of the same kind of treatment from your ABF. This will be your legacy to your child.

Your dreams are trying desperately to tell you what your rational mind isn't ready to accept yet.

This should be an event filled with intense joy, strength, fierce optimism -- you are launching a new life into the world, someone who may end up changing the world, creating brilliant things, dreaming new dreams, making a footprint somehow. I can't think of anything more exciting. This is a brilliant, fiery arrow you are shooting into the future.

It is not within your ABF's capacity to feel empathy for you right now. How will he treat a child who cries constantly, or requires medical attention, or just needs a hug? "Get away from me, I need a cigarette and a beer" ? (and in case you're wondering, that WAS how I was raised)

Your feelings are spot-on. You are seeing the future, for yourself, and for your baby. To have your feelings treated as though they don't matter......well, I couldn't say it any better than my friends above me, so I won't.

Sending love and strength to you

GL
GiveLove is offline  
Old 10-01-2008, 05:05 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
TooMuch4TooLong's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 163
Originally Posted by GiveLove View Post
Orviske,

I've never been a mother, and so I can't know how you're feeling.

But I've been somebody's child, and I have been by the side of women I love who have had children, and I really do believe in the power of dreams to guide us.

You say you were born into a loving family. It seems that......you ought to at least consider gifting your new child with the same privilege. The situation you're in now is neglectful at best and abusive at worst...and if you think that emotional laziness and self-centeredness will stop with YOU, I'm afraid you may want to rethink that.

When the novelty of your child wears off, he or she will be the lucky recipient of the same kind of treatment from your ABF. This will be your legacy to your child.

Your dreams are trying desperately to tell you what your rational mind isn't ready to accept yet.

This should be an event filled with intense joy, strength, fierce optimism -- you are launching a new life into the world, someone who may end up changing the world, creating brilliant things, dreaming new dreams, making a footprint somehow. I can't think of anything more exciting. This is a brilliant, fiery arrow you are shooting into the future.

It is not within your ABF's capacity to feel empathy for you right now. How will he treat a child who cries constantly, or requires medical attention, or just needs a hug? "Get away from me, I need a cigarette and a beer" ? (and in case you're wondering, that WAS how I was raised)

Your feelings are spot-on. You are seeing the future, for yourself, and for your baby. To have your feelings treated as though they don't matter......well, I couldn't say it any better than my friends above me, so I won't.

Sending love and strength to you

GL
Dang skippy! Great post for anyone about to be a mom. Pardon the pun but..."You've come a long way baby!"
TooMuch4TooLong is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:39 AM.