lovesmenot74

I've read in a few posts that it's likely to hear from your ex again sometime down the road. I wonder how often this happens? Even tho he was so full of hatred the last time I talked to him ... I wonder if I should be bracing myself for a call at some point ... do they tend to try to reach out even after they have decided that you are the reason for all of their problems? Is it likely he's gonna try to suck me back in again at some point?

What is the likelihood of him calling if/when he gets sober?

I haven't talked to him in 2 weeks. All of his stuff is here ... the utilities are still in his name ...

In a way, I'm hoping to hear from him - I miss him. In a way I'm just wondering if it's likely I won't hear from him for a very long time if at all ...

Are there ppl who have NEVER heard from them again once they stopped enabling/supporting?? Or is it pretty much a given that he's gonna try to call at some point?

kj0975

Chances are that once he has used and abused everyone else possible he will call u. He will try to manipulate you. If I were u I would turn the utilities into your NAME ASAP. You never know when u will come home with no electricity, phone, water, anything else if you dont give into him. Stick to your guns and watch out for the guilt, manipulation, finger pointing and blame. Its never your fault that they use that my dear is manipulation to make u feel bad. They choose to pick up they all have choices. Good luck and stay strong.

Jewelz

Talking from experience loves he will be back... when hes out of money, needs to crash, realizes he needs a shower, and maybe when he wants sex.

When I would go through this my abf would call me when I was sleeping, with my guard down and I will let him in because I "missed" him. Afterwards i would feel used and dragged right back in the chaos of his addiction.

Five years later I am still dealing with BS from him and I wish now I would have put my foot down during one of the stints have him being gone.

Limiya

In my experience they always contact you in some form or other. Even if they are the ones that have done the dumping.
It's usually when they have no one else to turn to, or they are using and have no company, or they just feel bad at the time. It doesn't last though. It's usually a constant to and fro from one person to another.
I'm going through this now. My abf had a freak out on saturday and blamed me for things being as they are, then ignored me until last night where he sent a message saying he is a bit stupid.
THAT was an understatement.

But it happens over and over. So EXPECT the unexpected.
They almost always get back in touch.

~Limiya~

littlebird77

oh, I think I'm going on, 1,709,325,002,000,528,113,000... give or take one.

OXFORD

I'm afraid that this is going to happen to me once I get better. It would kill me if I forgot about the people I cared about, but I let people enable me and I do manipulate cause I'm worried they won't care about me any other way. It's very painful for me to do that.

TooMuch4TooLong

Have you heard of the term "drunk dialing?" Yep they come back like bad seafood. Get his stuff to his family and change your phone number.

lovesmenot74

Even if they've got themselves a new girlfriend???? *sigh*

littlebird77

You seem anxious about him contacting you. Note that he can only contact you if you allow it. I could have a phone solicitor call me, but they will only get the sale if I allow it. Most of the time, I just hang up.

lovesmenot74

actually i'm not anxious ... i'm sad ... i'm sad because I miss him so much and I wish I'd had a chance to say some things to him that i wanted to say. I'm so hurt ... and some days I wish he would call, other days I think it's best if I never talk to him again. I guess I'm just trying to get a handle on the likelihood of hearing from him again ...

I'm so confused, hurt and messed up right now ... all i can do is read the forums and remind myself i'm not alone and many others have been thru very similar situations ... but I still miss him.

I guess I'm just trying to have realistic expectations of what is likely to come ... the unknown makes me uncomfortable and this whole situation is one big unknown to me ...

littlebird77

In my case... I write imaginary letters to him... I am writing in a journal everyday, I write to him and then I write to my Higher Power.

lovesmenot74

You know, I've been thinking about starting a sort of journal where I can write letters to him ... I was thinking that then, there is the possibility of one day him reading it ... but if not, at least I'm able to get it out ... I'm not one for that kind of thing tho ... usually the thoughts come so fast I can't get it all down on paper ... but I think it might help me ...

rose

Just wish I knew now what I didn't know then....my husband was is the addict in my situation. I can't tell you nor can anyone else tell you when he will call or contact you in some form or another...but he will. He will and will until you stop it and really stop it. I guess I played the part in the role as well because when he did make the contact I was always there...I just could not get it that I was not going to be the one to straighten him out....always I will try just one moretime, he was back and my hopes were high, probably as high as he was on the drug. Then he is gone again, I fell just like an addict without the drug.

My phone would ring and my heart would stop, is this the nightmare call, he is gone or is it him pleading to come back, buy the time I got the phone I was staring straight ahead bracing for who was on the other end...I got phone phobia.

By the grace of God the law caught up with him, which was another one of my fears...he was locked up for 2 months before he could go to court and the judge decided what to do with him. Over the period of these 2 months I started to get some sanity back without the worry of where he was and when he was going to call...oh he called from jail though and what he wasn't going to do when he got out. Family time, work ect. That start to play on my mind to. Then he gets out and I am full of hope again...2 days later he is gone again...the chaos in my mind. But it wasn't to long after he was out that he was back in jail again. I had peace, my mind and body had some rest and I started again to think clearly. Time was getting closer to him getting out after 6months and I started to crumble, I got more sick than I was when he was out running around. Again he was back behind the bars soon after. But this time I knew more and knew how much better I felt with no contact with him and was stronger to make it stick. It finally sunk into me that having any contact with him would pull me down. He tried and tried, but I stuck it out.

I went through many sessions with counciling with victim services and they told me that in time he will just go away. He has, I don't know where he is and there is no contact at all, they said that he will just go far into the drug world....I guess that is what he has done...

I know you are thinking at this point that you could not ever stop just hearing from him and if he is still alive, but after so long of the terror of worry and stress on yourself your mind and body just cant' take it anymore. I remember a night a woke up with worry of where he was and if he was ok, as terrible as it sounds I wished that I would get the call that he was gone, this chaos and nightmare would be over. Then I was sick with myself for thinking such a thing.

I think of him everyday and wonder and hope, but I had to get myself to a place where I had to go on and hand him over. But it doesn't mean that I stopped my love for him....no matter where I go in life he will always have a place in my heart and nobody will ever take that away.

Rose