not surprised
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Milwaukee WI
Posts: 137
not surprised
Hello everyone,
Well, I went with my AH last night (we are living apart) to the family session at the place he had been going to for his outpatient sessions. Well, I certainly had my "eyes" opened last night, in a way that I was not expecting.
After his 1 month outpatient work he said he had signed on for 1 day every other week to meet with the therapist, well, he only went one time.
Last night they were talking about recovery what they recommend for aftercare, which was getting to meetings, getting a sponser, and the 6 aftercare program....AH is doing none of these.
So during the break I brought it up to him, and ask, you are not doing any of the things that they feel you should be doing....."No", he says. Well, I am fit to be tied now, why are you wasting my time??? I ask??? He says I am doing what you want, not drinking and staying away from you!!!! WHAT!! This thing is still so crazy...I say you need to have a recovery program going on, I am FINE he says, I'm not drinking...soooooooo. I tell him that his denial of what is going on is still strong, the only thing different is he is not drinking right now.
So, to make a long story short, I left, I was not going to stay and waste my time doing something for someone who does not even want to help himself or do anything different than before.
I had hoped things would be different, but really, I saw it coming.
Well, I went with my AH last night (we are living apart) to the family session at the place he had been going to for his outpatient sessions. Well, I certainly had my "eyes" opened last night, in a way that I was not expecting.
After his 1 month outpatient work he said he had signed on for 1 day every other week to meet with the therapist, well, he only went one time.
Last night they were talking about recovery what they recommend for aftercare, which was getting to meetings, getting a sponser, and the 6 aftercare program....AH is doing none of these.
So during the break I brought it up to him, and ask, you are not doing any of the things that they feel you should be doing....."No", he says. Well, I am fit to be tied now, why are you wasting my time??? I ask??? He says I am doing what you want, not drinking and staying away from you!!!! WHAT!! This thing is still so crazy...I say you need to have a recovery program going on, I am FINE he says, I'm not drinking...soooooooo. I tell him that his denial of what is going on is still strong, the only thing different is he is not drinking right now.
So, to make a long story short, I left, I was not going to stay and waste my time doing something for someone who does not even want to help himself or do anything different than before.
I had hoped things would be different, but really, I saw it coming.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: looking for the sun in cold MN
Posts: 775
My STBXAH went through 10 weeks of outpatient treatment to appease me- not for himself. He put a cork in it, but his bad behavior went through the roof. I was naive in thinking treatment would cure everything. Don't look at going as a waste of time. Your eyes were opened. . . I'd say it was worth it. Now what are you going to do?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
Still, I really feel for ya. I've been through this myself - THREE times. My AH didn't even do it to appease me; he did it to get his bosses, who were complaining about his drinking, off his back. Basically, he did it so he could hold onto his job and continue to drink.
I had a similar discussion with my AH in May '05. It got me nowhere. He's still a drunk today. I learned, with therapy, Al-Anon, and this board, to shut my mouth and get on about the business of living my life.
As you have experienced first-hand, any type of discussion in which you hold them accountable for their actions or inactions leads to frustration and insanity.
You have done everything you can do for your AH. Take care of yourself and just keep doing what you need to do for YOU. You deserve a lot better than the quacking and nonsense he's tossing your way. As I say when they start that nonsense, "blah, blah, blah ..."
I had a similar discussion with my AH in May '05. It got me nowhere. He's still a drunk today. I learned, with therapy, Al-Anon, and this board, to shut my mouth and get on about the business of living my life.
As you have experienced first-hand, any type of discussion in which you hold them accountable for their actions or inactions leads to frustration and insanity.
You have done everything you can do for your AH. Take care of yourself and just keep doing what you need to do for YOU. You deserve a lot better than the quacking and nonsense he's tossing your way. As I say when they start that nonsense, "blah, blah, blah ..."
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