Change4life

I really thought I would never have to go through this again, but here I am again. Feeling crappy,but hopeful that this time will be different. I would like to get to a meeting somehow, but have been too drunk or sick, so I started reading the AA book again for now. I had trouble with Bills story. when he starts talking about his instant new found connection with God , I was like "hoky",but Im gonna keep reading. Im getting some good stuff from it. AA has never been for me, but Im starting to want to go rather than seeing it as a punishment, sentence, and inconvenience. I just really have a hard time with the religious part. I try to look at in terms of spirituality, but when I listen to some of the AAers, It sounds like they are talking religion and I just havent been able to grasp the program.

Imthinking even if I cant get that aspect right away maybe it will come and in the meantime I can meet people that I can hopefully relate to.

I feel like ive said this before, but I guess thats cause I just dont have it in me to give up.

gypsytears

Get up again Beth and get to some meetings!!! If you go while you're feeling crappy it just might sink in a little better why you need & want to stay sober.

Rusty Zipper

you Can do it...

Dee74

I'm not an AA man as you know, but it seems pretty simple to me Beth - BillW was a guy of his times - he wrote of God as he, and most others then, saw Him.

Thanks fine for Bill - but it doesn't have to be that way.

I know several people right here on SR who do AA just fine with their own individual ideas of a Higher Power.

All you have to know is you can't do it alone - and I think you've got that.

No more day ones

hugs
D

Stubborn1

Replace the words "God" with higer power. That could even be positive energy to you. You must believe in that? You know when you get butterfly's in your stomach, or a strange uncomfortable feeling in your gut? That's all energy.
Good or evil energy is a power greater then yourself. Have you ever thought about someone and then all of a sudden you see them out of the blue? It's law of attraction.
So when he refers to Gods goodness you can replace it with the good energy in this world. You don't have to call it God if you don't want. Just a higer power.
It may or may not work for you. I get my doubts as a Christian as well but I know energy is around me, I can feel that. I hope and chose to believe for me it's God.

fire4freddy

I relate to you about the "higher power" from the AA terms, it says its spiritual but not religious, but on the 4 or 5 step you have to give yourself to that "bigger power"

The way I see it is "MY TRUE SELF" in this mode, I am healthy, happy with my decisions, thinking about my future, it is like my bigger conscience, you give yourself to the cosmos, think about it as karma,if you do things following your heart and mind, the universe gives you the rewards to grow and mature yourself. anyways its always good i think to know that we need help, and that "higher power" in in every good action or good friend that has been with you througout recovery

Hope

I'm glad that you are giving it another try, Beth!
You can do this!

Dee74

OK...I'm gonna add - don't get stuck on the semantics Beth - there's time enough to do that later - just take some action and do something - now - ok?

there's a lot worse things you could do than a meeting...a regular schedule of 'em.

D

Change4life

Ok.
Im gonna work on trying to change the way I think
I mean I do believe in a higher power, but I dont really have any image or definitive thoughts On who or what it might be. I also have a hard time praying it just feels silly to me and makes me feel uncomfortable. I know that sounds absurd to some of you.

I need to work on prayer and surrendering, and forgiveness and fear etc.......

Its a long road I have ahead of me.

Change4life

The liquor store closes in 4 minutes and I cant afford a bar. I guess I made it through the day, but Im freaking right now knowing I have 0 access to any booze I dont want it, but I want it.

Dee74

little steps Beth.
Day One down....start again tomorrow

D

CarolD

For prayer....
in the morning...."Help me stay sober today."
At night..."Thank you for helping me today."

Just do it...it won't hurt a thing Beth.

Anna

Beth,

It's good to see you here.

I'm not an AA person, but I know that the Serenity Prayer had saved me, many times.

Change4life

Gotcha D. Im a big fan of baby steps, actually I think it is due to my loosing sight of that and taling on too much is what sent me back to drinking. Im gonna do it differently this time.

Carol as goofy as I might feel im gonna take your advice. your absolutely right in cant hurt. I think ill pray for some sleep also, my thoughts are killing me. Once I start thinking too much its like instant sabatoge

Impurrfect

(((Beth)))

I'm glad you're not drinking...you can do this!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

HopeTo180

Change,
We all find the need to quit. We all do it in different ways. The important thing is deciding to quit. That's the tough part. How you go about it will depend on what works for you. I don't do AA. I don't do church. I have told no one that I've quit. I'm breaking all the rules but it's working, or should I say it has worked. I simply took all that I knew about myself and used it against alcohol. I knew my weaknesses. I knew my strengths. To give a simple but powerful example; I never ate dinner because it cut into my buzz. I never drank after I ate. On day one I decided to spend all day deciding where I was going for dinner. I went early, when I usually started drinking (2-4pm). This worked so well that I did the same thing, each day, for two weeks. After that time, my routine had changed so much that the fight became manageable. It was smooth sailing after that. Prayers

Change4life

Thanks for the support. IM going to try and rest tommarrow is day 2 and I will need some energy. I have to get up early to pick up my last check so I can pay rent and I have work in the late afternoon. Im worried ill be all shaky and end up drinking to go to work. I doubt ill be able to sleep, but im gonna give it my best shot.

Dee74

Hope you get some rest B. Hope the shakes will be ok tomorrow - there's pretty much always a reason to drink....you just gotta focus and do what's right.

D

Aysha

I really dont have alot of encouragement to offer this time Beth. As I seem to be in my own angry funk lately.
But I have to respond something to you especially.
I am glad you said you dont have it in you to give up. Thats all you need to keep trying. And I know you wont give up. You are a survivor and a fighter.
So keep on trying. HuGS

mxchaos

one moment at a time just don't drink for right now