Alaia

so A-exbf calls me from detox yesterday and says he is getting out on tuesday, but they haven't been able to place anyone into any programs or holdings because everything is full. He doesn't have insurance so he can't afford to pay for one. I asked him why he even called and he said he wanted to hear my voice cause he misses me. He said he was sorry (pretty much the same story I heard last time he was in detox) and I told him I have heard all that before. He said he was selfish and I agreed, especially since he was calling because HE wanted to hear my voice....I didn't want to hear his! I told him he was not allowed to come to my house, that I didn't trust him and I don't want him there and his response was that he would be living on the streets of Boston then...and my response was that it wasn't my problem anymore. I gave him his last chance about 2 months ago after detox and he continued to lie and use behind my back, not pay his child support for 3 weeks and got high instead and then ended up finding my checks and stealing from me again. I know he is going to show up at my door sometime on tuesday and beg to stay with me and threaten to kill himself or say he is going to be a junkie on the street because he has nothing left. I am praying I have the strength to say NO and stand my ground. His family has dis-owned him and I was his last resort last time, but not this time. I can't keep letting him back in, with him knowing that he can get away with it and then go to detox and keep coming back. I can't believe he though he could come home.

Impurrfect

((Alaia))

I can believe he thought you'd give in again. My XABF is the same way. I told him I wished him the best, but I was no longer the same person, I found my backbone, and would no longer play into his games.

If you aren't sure you're strong enough to say "no" when he shows up, could you have a friend stay for a couple of days? I think you'll be fine, but it never hurts to have someone else to back you up.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

rozied

Yes I also can believe he thought you'd soften and let him move in. He evidently has no where else he can think of to go right now. Stand firm. Could you stay at your family's house on Tuesday or a friend's house? This way you won't have to deal with him.

atalose

Alaia,

If you think you will not be strong enough to say NO then be strong enough to reach out to family or friends now and ask to stay with them for a few days.

Have you though about changing your phone number?

I know for me I would very strong over the phone or text or e-mail but it was that face to face that did me in every time.

BBD

PRAYERS THAT YOU CAN STAY STRONG HON. gOOD IDEA ABOUT NOT BEING AROUND WHEN HE GETS OUT.....go stay with a friend. Smiles, Bonnie

Stubborn1

You know just what he will do so I am praying you to be strong. They are REALLY good when they are right in front of you. You all are doing the right thing. I'd have to agree with changing your number or caller ID. I do not answser when my ah calls at certain hours because I already know he has been drinking.
Good luck sweetie, you deserve to have a peaceful life!

baxter

Ditto on all those before me. Take care and stay strong. Get someone to be with you.

Good luck!

laurie6781

One more time, he was seeing if he could manipulate you, lol

As to 'living on the streets of Boston', oh please. There are numerous shelters in Boston, PLUS a lovely Salvation Army that has a WONDERFUL recovery program, and....................................IT'S FREE, lol

So he was quacking.

I am so glad your program is showing through and you made yourself clear.

Way to go.

Love and hugs,

Alaia

I might actually go to a friends house for a few days. He can't get in the house and that way I don't have to see him.

Alaia

He got released today...just called me and is at North Station and said he was going home...I was like what home and he said idk. I told him he better not come here and he started to whine that he had nowhere to go, so I said not my problem and told him never to call me again and hung up on him. He called right back and I didn't answer. He left me a horrible voice message saying it was nice that I hung up on him and he had nowhere to go and if I want to see him he will be in Boston Common and that he is going to most likely die because he has nothing and that I will read about him dead in the newspapers. I don't read the newspaper anyways so I won't read about it. I have a feeling he is going to take the train to where I live and just show up so I am gonna make a point not to be home. What an ass. He also said money is replaceable but lives aren't....I am sick of the rollercoaster ride.

Alaia

So he didn't show up...thank god. He's at his parents house till he can find a place to go. I get an e-mail this morning asking me to not press charges again because he will go to jail....too bad cause I already did and I don't care. Maybe that will finally wake him up, but I doubt it. He has court today and I know he's not there. I hope they issue a warrant for him and arrest him later. He keeps saying he has to go back to detox and try to get into a program. Does anyone have info in Ma about that because if he has to go to detox he needs to be high to be let in and he just got out. He claims he can't get into a program unless he is placed from detox, otherwise they won't take you...but he couldn't get placed cause all the programs were full and so were the holdings. Any info would be appreciated.

Jody Hepler

I have information - but why don't you let him figure it out. The Salvation Army is a really good place in Boston - and used to be pretty comfortable. And there are tons of other places too. He knows - but he would rather get you back in the loop. Be strong. When I said no, what my addicts heard was: just keep pushing her, making her feel guilty, make her cry - and then she'll do what I want. Teaching them that no meant no was tough on me.

He is quacking - laying on the bench at the Commons sounds pitiful - but interesting how he found someplace else to go. Drug addicts are incredibly manipulative and resourceful. They have to be - to stay on drugs.

I always think that courts getting involved is good - maybe they'll make the decision for him.

I hope you are getting to Alanon meetings - or some kind - saved my life. Gave me courage when I had none.

Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler

hello-kitty

I know that must have been hard. I hate the guilt trips that addicts lay. Like we are responsible for cleaning up the mess that they have gotten themselves into. Like we owe them a place to live or something like that.

You did the right thing by him. You are forcing him to step up and face the consequences of his choice. You are giving him the opportunity to be a man. Even if he has to do it at his parents house. Good for you. Hang in there.

My suggestion? Don't answer the phone when he calls anymore. You can't help him. He needs to do it on his own. He needs to work for recovery or it just won't stick. Sounds like he wants you to save him. And that is exactly why you can't.

Good job.

Alaia

You are 100% right. I spent most of my morning trying to help him by looking stuff up online. I sent him all the info and he didn't even say thank you. I sent him a message telling him how selfish he was for not even thanking me, and still no response. I know he got them too cause I can check the status. He read them all. Let this be a lesson to me.

kj0975

Your obsessing get away from the computer. You will get dragged right back into it and you already are. Stop sending e-mails, DONT answer the phone he is a big boy with a big problem and its up to him to get the help he needs to get better. Sorry dont mean to be harsh I have already been through this I can see where this is going.

Alaia

your not being harsh...I need to hear it. Thanks for your help.

rozied

Alaia, Don't talk to him, if you don't answer the phone he can't get to you/
concentrate on your own life & let him figure out what to do. If he can get on the pc to read what you spent hours looking up, he could have done it himself. Forget about helping him. Take care of yourself.