realisation
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: newcaslte uk
Posts: 8
realisation
Hi
I am having a dawning realisation that I could well be alcoholic
I dont want to be alcholic I really dont want to be alcoholic but the evidence is right before my eyes and the evidence is that I have always been alcoholic this isnt new its always been there in varying degrees and I simply do not feel comfortable without alcohol in my system
I have been to AA meeting before but not for a long time now couple of years
I want to be able to drink its my only way to feel good but its just getting worse and I really realise I have always been alcholic
I was never able to admit I was alcoholic and now I can kinda admit it then its very a scary thing because if I dont tackle the problem it will get worse and if I do tackle it then I dont know how I can win
I am having a dawning realisation that I could well be alcoholic
I dont want to be alcholic I really dont want to be alcoholic but the evidence is right before my eyes and the evidence is that I have always been alcoholic this isnt new its always been there in varying degrees and I simply do not feel comfortable without alcohol in my system
I have been to AA meeting before but not for a long time now couple of years
I want to be able to drink its my only way to feel good but its just getting worse and I really realise I have always been alcholic
I was never able to admit I was alcoholic and now I can kinda admit it then its very a scary thing because if I dont tackle the problem it will get worse and if I do tackle it then I dont know how I can win
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
you will be ok....this is a safe place to talk about it adn your fears...and there are so many ways to get adn stay sober...cruise around the webs and check out different areas....
Staying sober will actually make you feel better about your life it just doesn't seem that way before you get there :ghug3
Staying sober will actually make you feel better about your life it just doesn't seem that way before you get there :ghug3
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome to SR!
None of us wanted to be an alcoholic
but facing the truth is a huge necessary step
in learning how to deal with that fact.
Glad you joined us...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: newcaslte uk
Posts: 8
not going well
yesterday wasnt good, I dont know if I have a recovery in me, 9 beers total in the day awake now and feeling rather scared of this because its like there is nothing left but alcohol and to maintain a level of alcohol in me.
very frightening actually
very frightening actually
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 1,733
Welcome to our support and recovery website. It's not so bad being an alcoholic after you get the stuff out of your system and each day make a decision for yourself not to drink. Just one day at a time is how we beat this disease.
where the light is
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,763
Originally Posted by CarolD 
None of us wanted to be an alcoholic
but facing the truth is a huge necessary step
in learning how to deal with that fact.
but facing the truth is a huge necessary step
in learning how to deal with that fact.
The next step was seeking help, for me through AA and SR - Hope.
Then hard work & patience - 12 steps & meetings.
I have not had a drink in over 9 months and I have no desire to drink again. For the first time I can honestly say that I love life.
It's there for everyone.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: newcaslte uk
Posts: 8
3rd day and 3rd post on sr and 3rd day waking up having drunk the night before, got through to evening before I drank yesterday, slightly reduced intake but still end results having to get my level up, at least I dont gulp it down and I just sip, all I can do is hang around sr and see if some of what everyone else has rubs off on me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: newcaslte uk
Posts: 8
Thursday: 4th day and 4th post on sr no changes yet struggled with anxiety and a brain that does not function correctly and resembles a mush of cotton wool drank lots of coffee and smoked lots of cigs and got all hyper until in early evening I drank again then sipped the beer slowly to 8 pints in total to maintain an alcohol level that was comfortable
one thing about posting on sr is it allows me to keep track of the days and how much i drink so will post on here how much I drank and on what day and what if any improvement I make and if I get to make it to meetings again
will be an interesting tool to look back at what I really do
one thing about posting on sr is it allows me to keep track of the days and how much i drink so will post on here how much I drank and on what day and what if any improvement I make and if I get to make it to meetings again
will be an interesting tool to look back at what I really do
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,473
Hi and Welcome,
I'm not sure if you're looking for suggestions, but here goes. Cutting back is really difficult for alcoholics. I tried hundreds of times to cut back, determined to maintain some control, and it never worked. Stopping altogether was really much easier. I'm glad you are continuing to post and read!
It's always a good idea to talk to your dr before detoxing from alcohol, because it can be dangerous.
I'm not sure if you're looking for suggestions, but here goes. Cutting back is really difficult for alcoholics. I tried hundreds of times to cut back, determined to maintain some control, and it never worked. Stopping altogether was really much easier. I'm glad you are continuing to post and read!
It's always a good idea to talk to your dr before detoxing from alcohol, because it can be dangerous.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: newcaslte uk
Posts: 8
saturday - yesterday was perhaps one of my highest consumption days ever and I did something I have never done before which was stock up on cans of beer for today, I am really glad I did because I have just gone through the worst experience of my life, I knew I had a problem but actually stopping drinking physically has never been an issue for me, well there are things called 'YETS' so I hadnt a problem stopping drinking yet, WELL TODAY I DID, felt like i was losing control of my left hand and arm and I had to put alcohol into me to stop it.
literally could not go out with alcohol in my system, what a nightmare, I am chemical dependent and people may tell me to go to the ER or see a doctor but hey u dont live where I live my doctor told me not to bother him with my personal problems so I get off alcohol on my own steam or I end up in ER in the back of ambulance having convulsions.
oh the joys of alcohol, why didnt I learn while I wasnt chemically dependent.
for the ppl who reply to me on here thank you very much I am wanting to get to recovery and then wanting to stay in it and god willing I will make it in one piece, posting here keeps me in contact with recovery though I am still active drinking, hey I dont call it drinking no more I call this chemical dependency
time for me to grow up, anxiety depression feeling like my brain is broke are all bad but nothing to compare with watching ur left arm shake
if I can get off it I wont forget this day
literally could not go out with alcohol in my system, what a nightmare, I am chemical dependent and people may tell me to go to the ER or see a doctor but hey u dont live where I live my doctor told me not to bother him with my personal problems so I get off alcohol on my own steam or I end up in ER in the back of ambulance having convulsions.
oh the joys of alcohol, why didnt I learn while I wasnt chemically dependent.
for the ppl who reply to me on here thank you very much I am wanting to get to recovery and then wanting to stay in it and god willing I will make it in one piece, posting here keeps me in contact with recovery though I am still active drinking, hey I dont call it drinking no more I call this chemical dependency
time for me to grow up, anxiety depression feeling like my brain is broke are all bad but nothing to compare with watching ur left arm shake
if I can get off it I wont forget this day
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: newcaslte uk
Posts: 8
sunday: well the world didnt end yesterday, I did drink to stop the shakes but when the shakes stopped I didnt take it to the extent and get drunk and I had about 3 cans of normal strength beer, simply medicinal, today who knows what will happen but I will attempt to be sober throughout the day
I do live in a hell hole where someone else drinks daily so the smell of it and the actions of a drunk are permanatly around me, obviously that is provocative in the extreme and me getting annoyed is impossible to avoid, lets just say things are chaotic in the extreme and a constant cacophony of noise bangs and disgusting physical noises and some direct provocatition of me
but see what comes cos shaking arms are hell to live with
in AA i have heard of ppl making life changes becos of threats to their sobriety well i live with a threat to my sobriety 24/7 and without sobriety i cant make the changes
very much a chicken and egg situation
but am gona try for a day 1 today
I do live in a hell hole where someone else drinks daily so the smell of it and the actions of a drunk are permanatly around me, obviously that is provocative in the extreme and me getting annoyed is impossible to avoid, lets just say things are chaotic in the extreme and a constant cacophony of noise bangs and disgusting physical noises and some direct provocatition of me
but see what comes cos shaking arms are hell to live with
in AA i have heard of ppl making life changes becos of threats to their sobriety well i live with a threat to my sobriety 24/7 and without sobriety i cant make the changes
very much a chicken and egg situation
but am gona try for a day 1 today
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 632
I must double thank you Bitishalco,
I still have crystal clear memories of the shakes. Your posts are rerunning my former life in vivid detail. The vicious cycle I never want to forget.
Keep writing it down. We’ll read it together.
Build on the desire, your day is almost here my friend
Ed
I still have crystal clear memories of the shakes. Your posts are rerunning my former life in vivid detail. The vicious cycle I never want to forget.
Keep writing it down. We’ll read it together.
Build on the desire, your day is almost here my friend
Ed
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by britishalcoo
I simply do not feel comfortable without alcohol in my system
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: newcaslte uk
Posts: 8
monday - 8 days posting on sober recovery, yesterday was a clear opportuinty to notch up a day one, I got to 4pm and was not shaking but I took it on me to go to watch a football game in a pub and I didnt drink heavily in the pub, 2 pints in 3 hours, came back bought 2 cans becos I didnt feel well, not even feeling like more drink, struggled them down over 3 hrs, hardly binging on it, a few bangs in the house and an excuse I went back to the pub another pint struggled down over an hr and one pint at last orders then the kick in effect of feeling better and it flowed down and finally 2 cans i had left in the house from a few days back.
and so it continues 8 days posting on sober recovery and as boleo said in a reply
(For the person who was uncomfortable in their own skin to start with, not drinking or drugging does not treat their bigger malady (anxiety, frustration, guilt or despair). The individual who is merely abstinent must go on to face these obstacles long after obtaining their short term goals or getting their stuff back.)
thats whats holding me back when I get to the point physically where I can absatin the real job of facing life on life's terms and like many alcoholics before they begin recovery my life has been unmanageable and unmanaged for a long time and it is in one hell of a mess.
well no harm in posting here, it lets me at least know what day it is and how much I am drinking and when.
thanx for those who reply
and so it continues 8 days posting on sober recovery and as boleo said in a reply
(For the person who was uncomfortable in their own skin to start with, not drinking or drugging does not treat their bigger malady (anxiety, frustration, guilt or despair). The individual who is merely abstinent must go on to face these obstacles long after obtaining their short term goals or getting their stuff back.)
thats whats holding me back when I get to the point physically where I can absatin the real job of facing life on life's terms and like many alcoholics before they begin recovery my life has been unmanageable and unmanaged for a long time and it is in one hell of a mess.
well no harm in posting here, it lets me at least know what day it is and how much I am drinking and when.
thanx for those who reply
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
