starryeyz

Brother-in-law attempted suicide, now in ER. (admitted 12 hours ago)

Last time we were down this road (one year ago), they released him 36 hours later and left him on the side of the road.

If they find he needs to go to detox he'll be there for 7 days I guess.

Should we not even go to the ER, and just submit what knowledge we have to the doctors? The laundry list so he might be admitted to detox? (If he goes in in crisis it will be free. If not, then it will be $2k a day).

Should I just remind myself it's his problem, and not do anything?

Should I try and submit as much information as possible so he gets free care from the state, and it prevents us from caving in a few days and enabling him more?

Thanks so much for your comments last time. I thought I wasn't enabling, but I can see that I am... in fact I feel like doing it right now.

I'm just tired and rational decisions are hard to come by.

Stubborn1

Why don't you let his family worry about it? Does he have a mother or father? By the way it's never free, it comes out of our tax dollars and honestly to pay for someone who doesn't want help who just tried to commit suicide ticks me off. (not at you) I'd rather that money go into the school system.
Why is he attempting suicides where he can be found? For more drugs? I'd let the dr's know so his attempts would not have "rewards" at the end of them. This is just my personal opinion

starryeyz

We're in WA, and he's a new resident. Maybe they're better than our previous state. If he gets out in 36 hours again, he's not going to last much more than a week (without us enabling him). If his cell phone has enough charge he may call 911 again, or may be too confused to do much of anything. And without money for beer or access to benzos, he's now gripped in fear of people and being embarassed in front of them. He's going to do everything to get out, And once he's out I'm not sure he'll be capable of getting himself to an officer.

Again, not my problem. But it would be so much nicer if he got stuck in a state program for 30 to 90 days. I expect he'll be clear-headed enough to do the real work of managing his illness and addiction in 30 to 90 days.

But I want this to be a real bottom and I'm trying hard to prevent myself from putting that pillow underneath his ass.

I'm wondering if it would be better for him if we didn't show up, because then he'd show a real homelessness need. He is, at this point, truly homeless. He probably thinks in the back of his mind we'll come and rescue him. If we put that nail in the coffin somehow, maybe it will make him more likely to get himself admitted? Is there such a thing as voluntary commitment?

starryeyz

We're the family. We threw all of our money into privately paying for treatment last year. There's no money left for him. We're still paying off the debt. Actually we have an equity line on the house, and there's enough room for a few semesters of community college. That's a week in treatment (paying out of pocket). I don't like the government paying any more than the next person. I'm ticked too. I totally get it. In fact, I donated the money we almost caved into giving him for cigarettes the other day to a person on modestneeds.org. Just for the catharsis.

He's socially phobic, so I think he's attempting suicide because he can't handle the embarassment as well as the inevitable panic attacks he is now having from coming off of benzos and being confronted with having to manage his own life (He feels like he's going to die when he's in an elevator with strangers, and that's at the top of his game. This would be about 10 times that level I would imagine). A combo of that and I think he knows the only way he can get it back together is if he either goes back to a 30-90 day program (which we no longer have the money for and he knows this) or if he comes to live with us (which we told him cannot happen).

Attempted suicide is the last card he has to get back into this house.

littlebird77

I will be honest and will tell you I have NO IDEA what you can do. I know you want to try to stand your ground and let his problems be his problems, but the codie in me says when suicide is coming into the picture, I would do all I can to intervene. What I would try to do is call a social worker in the hospital and ask their advice... Also, isn't it illegal to commit suicide, and this is is second attempt, maybe there can be some legal intervention? I would also look at treatment facilities and ask their advice, as far as 2k as day, I think you are looking at a really expensive treatment... I know they can be high, but 2K? I never heard of such a thing, and you know what? What if it does, so what? I don't mind paying tax dollars for treatment for Americans, and don't like paying for the war in Iraq that my sister did two tours in... (but that is another story)

littlebird77

... If you are involved in a church, I may want to try calling them for help...

littlebird77

I'm not sure if I can say this, but in my opinion, this is a horrible thing to say.

starryeyz

Does anyone know of a 30 day program that costs less than $10,000? And will put you on a payment plan? Preferably a dual diagnosis place (a place that treats mental illness and addiction together?)

When we did this the first time around it was so disheartening to see all the charlatans, and money stealers in this business. And also how wildly expensive it is.

mooselips

starryeyz,
As far as I'm concerned as soon as suicide pops in the equation, all bets are off. Enabling or not, I would get ahold of someone at that hospital and tell them the whole story, with nothing left out.

Although if this fella has a mother and father, then this is THEIR affair to handle, you can be there to support them and their decision.

I would imagine he would not be turned loose if he was deemed to be a threat to himself or others.

On the other hand...(there's always two hands isn't there? )
IF he does not want any form of treatment, your hands, (both of them) are tied.

Hugs for you, and prayers for your BIL, that he finds his way.

Stubborn1

Sorry if you are offended littlebird. I see a man who is preying off of his family. He is able enough in mind to weasel his way to get money for drugs but can not find his way to a free treatment center?

littlebird77

I see it as his treatment facility in his eyes is the valley of death.

Stubborn1

[QUOTE=tracee1010;1926286


Stubborn1.... i am happy that you have lead such a glamerous life that you have never needed help in any way and have always been in your right mind that others assistance was never needed.... YOU are very blessed...


FYI..... i would pay taxes as high as the sky anyday to give a child back their mother or parents back there son..... In the long run, as a society WE all benefit...[/QUOTE]

I guess I am then. I can't even imagine going to those lengths to recieve help. His family is willing to offer it to him but he will not ask. I understand this man is sick but why does he now become the victim? She said this was not his first attempt. I wish I had the cure all for him.
I agree he needs to be institutionalized.:praying

littlebird77

...starryeyz, have you looked into emergency medicaid? I had a friend who od'ed on heroin and got it right away to go into a treatment center. Needless to say she had no money and was not living at home...

rozied

Prayers for your BIL & your whole family.
Love,
Diane

starryeyz

He has been seeing a psychiatrist, and the diagnosis has been panic disorder.

I'm the only member of the family with book knowledge of mental disorders, so the rest of them just focus on the addiction part. He bounced around a lot of doctors from what I understand and one gave him this diagnosis years ago. No one likes to talk about it (and they don't), and he doesn't like talking about it either.

Recently, there has been "more" talking in the family and it was revealed that everyone has some kind of anxiety disorder going on. We have addiction and mental illness going back three generations in BILs family and present in the new one as well. This new generation is doing better since the parents are now aware that some kind of anxiety/depression thing is going on.

However, it was my recent talks with my BIL that I started thinking this was more of a social phobic disorder. He gets euphoric/terrified of people interaction. Makes A's in college but will totally skip out if he is required to speak. Will do everything to figure out his schoolwork but talk to the professor. He also had this weird habit of always saying yes to telemarketers and then never being able to call and get them to stop charging his credit card for the useless stuff he'd agreed to. Now I think he was too terrified of their disappointment when he told them he no longer needed Women's Day magazine (or whatever other nonsense it was).

AA meeting were like that as well. He'd be sweating at the end of them. Total emotional collapse.

I talked to the other family members, and it was like a light going on in a room. They all recognized the symptoms in themselves (The sober, never been addicted ones) too.

This last year, we paid for everything. He has a job through our business. He has health insurance from that job (through us). We didn't want to take charity. But it's been a strain (as you can guess). 90 days of rehab was nearly 45k.


Anyway, so he really should be indigent. He's broke now, and we're officially firing him.

But as of the moment, we're stuck in that middle class problem. Not wealthy enough to pay for everything. Not dead broke to qualify.

I guess. What do I really know?

Maybe we could get emergency medicaid. My husband is having to handle it now, and he's like a babe in toyland when it comes to all of this. I gave him a letter to give to the hospital, and told him to talk with a social worker and come up with a plan. I told him to be sure to tell her about the social phobia.

Wish us luck.

bostonluv

I'm so sorry for your family and for your brother in law. I can't imagine the type of pain you must all be in over this.

Done_With_It

I don't know the answer to your questions, but I applaud all your efforts, I have had issues with suicide and if it weren't for the ones who helped me in my darkest times,
I would not be here.
My uncle did succeed and to this day I still hear how it has destroyed many lives.

I don't know if this site can help you but there may be some info, here

I Hate My Life

marle

Sending you prayers that you find the answer that is right for all involved. You are a good, caring person and hopefully your BIL will find his way. Hugs, Marle

freshstart

wow. just wow.

tiburon88

[QUOTE=Stubborn1;1926178]Why don't you let his family worry about it? Does he have a mother or father? By the way it's never free, it comes out of our tax dollars and honestly to pay for someone who doesn't want help who just tried to commit suicide ticks me off. (not at you) I'd rather that money go into the school system.
Why is he attempting suicides where he can be found? For more drugs? I'd let the dr's know so his attempts would not have "rewards" at the end of them. This is just my personal opinion[

"Out of our tax dollars", The man just attempted to end his life. You think it's a big joke?

tiburon