new (sort of) sorry so long
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 6
new (sort of) sorry so long
Ok, so here goes a little about me... A few years back I found this site & only posted a little bit. I really didn't make much of an effort to quit drinking. For the last few months, I have been lurking & reading a lot of your posts. I feel like I already know a lot about most of you. I don't have any sober time yet. I'm hoping that posting on here will help me want to quit. I think I'm still in that stage of knowing that I should quit, but I don't really know if I'm ready to. I hope some of you don't take that the wrong way & have negative feelings towards me. I'm just trying to be honest about it.
I'm 34, married to someone in the military, no kids yet, just my dogs & birds & a stray cat that decided to make his home in my backyard. I don't want this to sound like an excuse, but being in the military, there's usually alcohol flowing pretty freely especialy on the weekends. Growing up, I was always around alcohol... dad, uncles, brothers, cousins all drink. I can't even imagine a family function without alcohol being involved. When you see it so much, it all starts to seem normal. Same thing with my neighbors now. It's strange when I see him without a beer in his hand. Then his wife drinks, smokes pot & will take any anxiety/slash pain meds she can get her hands on. Strange thing is that they don't see anything wrong with it & would never consider getting help for it. It's just how they like to live. I'm not trying to say that I'm better because I only drink & don't take anything else, but I'm just trying to explain my situation. I know some of you will say to just not hang out with them. Unfortunately I'm living in a small town which is 1000 miles away from my friends & family. On a Friday or Saturday when she knocks on my door & everyone is already drinking, it's hard not to join in. This town is pretty depressing, & sometimes you just want to not deal with everything. My husband drinks too, but I don't think he's an alcoholic like me. He doesn't know that a lot of times I drink during the day when he's at work. I have a pretty high tolerance, so a few glasses of wine doesn't do a whole lot to me. Some days I'm stressed & I drink. Other days I just really like the feeling it gives me. Now I think it's just more of a habit. I almost don't know what I would do with my free time. Right now I'm looking for work. I know I need a job to fill my free time & to make some extra money. I've read some of your posts about job hunting. Well, yes it does suck. I have a college degree & I've been applying for cashier positions that probably won't even pay me $7.00/hr. Sad thing is I can't even get someone to call me for an interview. I know for a fact that one of the grocery stores is hiring, & the manager asks me for my name & number whenever I'm in there, but she won't call me. What's going on?? What a blow to your ego. I'm way overqualified for the position, & she won't call me. At this point, I'm basically just begging for any job because I think it's the only thing that could help me stop drinking right now. I need to be forced out of bed in the morning & have a place to go & not think about drinking as much. Sorry this is so long, but once I started typing, new thoughts kept popping into my head. I hope to get to know some of you better. Thanks for listening to me ramble.
I'm 34, married to someone in the military, no kids yet, just my dogs & birds & a stray cat that decided to make his home in my backyard. I don't want this to sound like an excuse, but being in the military, there's usually alcohol flowing pretty freely especialy on the weekends. Growing up, I was always around alcohol... dad, uncles, brothers, cousins all drink. I can't even imagine a family function without alcohol being involved. When you see it so much, it all starts to seem normal. Same thing with my neighbors now. It's strange when I see him without a beer in his hand. Then his wife drinks, smokes pot & will take any anxiety/slash pain meds she can get her hands on. Strange thing is that they don't see anything wrong with it & would never consider getting help for it. It's just how they like to live. I'm not trying to say that I'm better because I only drink & don't take anything else, but I'm just trying to explain my situation. I know some of you will say to just not hang out with them. Unfortunately I'm living in a small town which is 1000 miles away from my friends & family. On a Friday or Saturday when she knocks on my door & everyone is already drinking, it's hard not to join in. This town is pretty depressing, & sometimes you just want to not deal with everything. My husband drinks too, but I don't think he's an alcoholic like me. He doesn't know that a lot of times I drink during the day when he's at work. I have a pretty high tolerance, so a few glasses of wine doesn't do a whole lot to me. Some days I'm stressed & I drink. Other days I just really like the feeling it gives me. Now I think it's just more of a habit. I almost don't know what I would do with my free time. Right now I'm looking for work. I know I need a job to fill my free time & to make some extra money. I've read some of your posts about job hunting. Well, yes it does suck. I have a college degree & I've been applying for cashier positions that probably won't even pay me $7.00/hr. Sad thing is I can't even get someone to call me for an interview. I know for a fact that one of the grocery stores is hiring, & the manager asks me for my name & number whenever I'm in there, but she won't call me. What's going on?? What a blow to your ego. I'm way overqualified for the position, & she won't call me. At this point, I'm basically just begging for any job because I think it's the only thing that could help me stop drinking right now. I need to be forced out of bed in the morning & have a place to go & not think about drinking as much. Sorry this is so long, but once I started typing, new thoughts kept popping into my head. I hope to get to know some of you better. Thanks for listening to me ramble.
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Loneliness and boredom were my biggest triggers. It was not until I learned to deal with them that I began to feel comfortable in my own skin again.
That is why 12 step programs have more than 1 step. We need to treat our "root causes" along with treating the cravings.
That is why 12 step programs have more than 1 step. We need to treat our "root causes" along with treating the cravings.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 6
probably not coming back
I thought this website was a place of support, a place I could find people to talk to & relate to. I put myself out there & revealed some things about myself & received only one response, none at all welcoming me. I think this place is full of cliques. I don't think this is the place for me. I guess I'll look elsewhere for help & support.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
Hope....you are welcome to this site...sometimes on the weekends things are a little slower. For my self....I woke up a little bit ago and it's taken me an hour to respond to my pm, and start working my way down the threads....
I know that for me I drank cause i liked the way i could go on a little vacation from life in my own living room chair....Once I got going on the alchohol work didn't stop my drinking.....but that having activities can really help to keep my mind off of drinking.
So in reading through the SR site have you seen a particular plan for staying sober that seems like a good fit? AA, Secular recovery, lifering, church, counciling? Have you put some thoughts into what sort of actions would be helpful to you?
I know that for me I drank cause i liked the way i could go on a little vacation from life in my own living room chair....Once I got going on the alchohol work didn't stop my drinking.....but that having activities can really help to keep my mind off of drinking.
So in reading through the SR site have you seen a particular plan for staying sober that seems like a good fit? AA, Secular recovery, lifering, church, counciling? Have you put some thoughts into what sort of actions would be helpful to you?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 6
sorry
Sorry if I sounded defensive in my last post. I appreciate those who did respond. It's just difficult to reach out & not hear anything back. I need a place where I can talk to people & I thought this might be a start. It was just very disappointing to not get much of a response. I was hoping to connect to some people who are feeling the same thing. Sorry if I offended anyone by saying that there are cliques on this site.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
Hope honey you are very welcome here. Sorry about the slow responses. SR is, as others have said, very slow on the weekends. I hope you stay because I would love to hear more from you. :ghug3 I think you need this and here's another one :ghug3 and the last one I can give you because we have a limit of 3 for some reason. :ghug3
You did put yourself out there and it is not unnoticed. Keep posting and reading because we like having you as part of the family. Want to get to know Hope better.
By the way, I am outside of Albuquerque, NM and we have a ton of military families in our area. Military wives are a special breed. God bless you and thank you for the sacrifice you make for us.
You did put yourself out there and it is not unnoticed. Keep posting and reading because we like having you as part of the family. Want to get to know Hope better.
By the way, I am outside of Albuquerque, NM and we have a ton of military families in our area. Military wives are a special breed. God bless you and thank you for the sacrifice you make for us.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 6
Some days I don't know if I'm strong enough to be a military wife. People always say "I don't know how you deal with it". Well, the truth is I'm not dealing with it. I'm coping with it & self medicating myself. My husband is about to switch jobs within the military & he's basically going to be a part of the "bomb squad". This means he'll be deploying often, & when he does deploy, his chances of coming back alive could be about 50%. Some days I wonder if I can do this. Trying to deal with alcohol issues & this at the same time is hard to imagine. And no I haven't done anything like AA yet. I know it probably sounds stupid, but being in a small town & military, everyone knows everyone. I don't know if I believe it can really be confidential if I seek help. The reason why a lot of guys in the military don't seek help for their issues, is because they know it can ultimately affect their career. On one hand I probably have the best situation in that I have all the counseling I want FOR FREE. I have all the health care I want FOR FREE. But I also don't want to get myself in a situation where my husband's career can be affected because his wife is an ALCOHOLIC & everyone knows about it. I guess I'm just confused. Thanks for your advice & support.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
You are in a spot Hope, but its not hopeless honey. Come here for support if that works for you and just for today, for the next 24 hours, don't drink. If you feel an urge to drink go for a walk or do something, anything to pass the moment until the craving leaves. Do it just for today.
My bestfriend is a military wife and her husband is leaving mid-October until just before Thanksgiving. She's got 4 kids and its not easy. Even without the kids its not easy is it? Your situation does sound more desperate, but drinking doesn't help realize that Hope. For me, drinking intensified whatever emotion I was trying to numb - sadness, emptiness, etc.
I really am glad you found SR.
My bestfriend is a military wife and her husband is leaving mid-October until just before Thanksgiving. She's got 4 kids and its not easy. Even without the kids its not easy is it? Your situation does sound more desperate, but drinking doesn't help realize that Hope. For me, drinking intensified whatever emotion I was trying to numb - sadness, emptiness, etc.
I really am glad you found SR.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 6
Thanks Horselover,
It feels good to just talk to someone finally. I know I shouldn't complain. I know there are thousands & thousands of military wives out there. I know it's even more difficult when you have kids involved, so I know I have it easier in that sense. I know I need to find a way to deal with it all WITHOUT alcohol. Some days it's hard to remember a time when I used to deal with life's problems without alcohol. I just can't remember how to do that anymore. Sometime I just think how did everything get so confusing & mixed up?? How did my life come to this point?? I'm sorry if I sound so pathetic. I'm still working myself up to the point of going to talk to someone face to face. This is my first step. I think I need to take it slow, so I don't feel completely overwhelmed. Thanks for just listening right now.
It feels good to just talk to someone finally. I know I shouldn't complain. I know there are thousands & thousands of military wives out there. I know it's even more difficult when you have kids involved, so I know I have it easier in that sense. I know I need to find a way to deal with it all WITHOUT alcohol. Some days it's hard to remember a time when I used to deal with life's problems without alcohol. I just can't remember how to do that anymore. Sometime I just think how did everything get so confusing & mixed up?? How did my life come to this point?? I'm sorry if I sound so pathetic. I'm still working myself up to the point of going to talk to someone face to face. This is my first step. I think I need to take it slow, so I don't feel completely overwhelmed. Thanks for just listening right now.
6/20/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,467
Hope, you are very welcome here. Depending on when you post, there is a chance it is pushed to the bottom of the page as not many people have seen it. Also, many people 'lurk' (I did for a long time) so it looks like a lot of people have read your post, but many of them haven't signed up to be members, so they can't respond.
I'm not in the military, but I am in a very small town, so I understand your need for confidentiality.
I think you are right on to look for a job. Even at 7.00 an hour it will help you feel connected to something besides using. Keep reading, Hope. Keep Posting. This site is invaluable.
I'm not in the military, but I am in a very small town, so I understand your need for confidentiality.
I think you are right on to look for a job. Even at 7.00 an hour it will help you feel connected to something besides using. Keep reading, Hope. Keep Posting. This site is invaluable.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
Hey hope...you need to get that all out...it's not pathetic at all. I have some friends who are in the military or married to military and have alchohol or drug problems...recovering...some are in AA and some are not...but your concerns are real.
Why don't you look at the stickys...HL do you know how to post them here for her?....that talk about different recovery programs. They can be a big help with structure and with support on-line or off. And AA can be worked without attending meetings.....people over the years have had to do that many times. So if you are interested, look on line at the big book and give it a read.
If you want something that isn't god based...check out the secular threads as there are other options there.
It is a toss up for me what supports me the most...SR or AA.....I'm really glad I have both SR and the face two face meetings.
Each of us has our own burden..the burdens may be different in the detail, but I think they are more alike on the feelings level and on the solution level than they are different.
I thought I would not be able to deal with life without drinking, but I am....i do have alot more feelings today...but not only do i feel the pain confusion and loss...I also feel so much more joy, connectedness and love! There will be people to walk with you through this...and you will be suprised to see how many different people help in different ways at different times!
:day4
Why don't you look at the stickys...HL do you know how to post them here for her?....that talk about different recovery programs. They can be a big help with structure and with support on-line or off. And AA can be worked without attending meetings.....people over the years have had to do that many times. So if you are interested, look on line at the big book and give it a read.
If you want something that isn't god based...check out the secular threads as there are other options there.
It is a toss up for me what supports me the most...SR or AA.....I'm really glad I have both SR and the face two face meetings.
Each of us has our own burden..the burdens may be different in the detail, but I think they are more alike on the feelings level and on the solution level than they are different.
I thought I would not be able to deal with life without drinking, but I am....i do have alot more feelings today...but not only do i feel the pain confusion and loss...I also feel so much more joy, connectedness and love! There will be people to walk with you through this...and you will be suprised to see how many different people help in different ways at different times!
:day4
I'm just a little unwell
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,219
Hi Hope, welcome to SR. 
Glad to see you posting and talking a little about yourself after lurking for a while.
I think this exactly describes where I was when I joined SR in August. Actually, I think a little part of me is still there, but some things have changed in the past month and a half so I guess I'm making *some* progress. But this isn't about me! 
My point was, I know exactly how you feel. And honesty is good. No one here will think badly of you for speaking your mind and being honest. Most of us have felt exactly as you feel and can relate.
As for your second post about not getting any responses yet, all I can say is to be a little patient since it's the weekend. This place really is VERY active during the week (as I'm sure you've noticed if you've been lurking). We are NOT made up of bunches of little cliques - I've never, ever gotten that impression from anyone here. I think this is a fantastic place for understanding, compassion, encouragement, and support and I'm sure that you will be given every one of those things.
SR and its members have been there for me more often than not. Please don't give up on it that quickly. Keep reading, keep posting. We'd love to get to know you better.
*hugs*
Glad to see you posting and talking a little about yourself after lurking for a while.
Originally Posted by Hope333 
I think I'm still in that stage of knowing that I should quit, but I don't really know if I'm ready to. I hope some of you don't take that the wrong way & have negative feelings towards me. I'm just trying to be honest about it.
My point was, I know exactly how you feel. And honesty is good. No one here will think badly of you for speaking your mind and being honest. Most of us have felt exactly as you feel and can relate.As for your second post about not getting any responses yet, all I can say is to be a little patient since it's the weekend. This place really is VERY active during the week (as I'm sure you've noticed if you've been lurking). We are NOT made up of bunches of little cliques - I've never, ever gotten that impression from anyone here. I think this is a fantastic place for understanding, compassion, encouragement, and support and I'm sure that you will be given every one of those things.
SR and its members have been there for me more often than not. Please don't give up on it that quickly. Keep reading, keep posting. We'd love to get to know you better.
*hugs*
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 1,733
I just wanted to say Hi and welcome. We should have a weekend Sticky Warning because it is quieter here on the weekends. Responses are slower and I've noticed people get their feelings over that before.
You are very welcome here. I suggest you try joining a thread such as the Class of September or Under Two Weeks if you want to quit drinking and connect with other people. I don't know if you're ready to quit or not but those type of threads helped keep me accountable.
You are very welcome here. I suggest you try joining a thread such as the Class of September or Under Two Weeks if you want to quit drinking and connect with other people. I don't know if you're ready to quit or not but those type of threads helped keep me accountable.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 6
Thanks for the responses. I guess I was just being a little selfish & feeling sorry for myself. I just want to feel that I'm a part of something. Not having a job is tough. I sort of feel like I've lost my identity. My only identity is being a military wife, which still doesn't make me feel too great. Ed, you hit the nail on the head. That's what my husband's going to be doing. I don't want to say too much about it because it's a very small community, & I'm not ready to "out" myself. Thanks again for your responses.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
Well Hope I had to work today. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. It looks like you got a lot of responses and do take Ananda up on her stickies. PM ANY TIME!! I wasn't, by the way, inferring you have it any easier then the wives with the kids Hope because you don't. Its just different. My husband traveled every week before my son was born and I HATED IT!! It isn't easy. :ghug3
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: WA, USA
Posts: 2,591
Being unemployed right now is a big problem for me, not only because I dont make any money but mostly because I have lots of time for drinking. Drinking helps the time go by. I did though get a tip about a nursing home needing an orderly, so I'm going to apply for that.
I hate it when employers say they are going to get back to you and then dont. Sometimes it seems that they can be as flakey as they want but will fire someone else for being so. Sorry to sound so bitter. I'm sure a job will come along for you sooner than later.
I hate it when employers say they are going to get back to you and then dont. Sometimes it seems that they can be as flakey as they want but will fire someone else for being so. Sorry to sound so bitter. I'm sure a job will come along for you sooner than later.
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