Crystaldreams

Hi all I am new here just stumbled upon this site its amazing there is so many dealing with what I have dealt with .. I never knew My husband was an alcoholic or at least I think he is im not quite sure what makes one an alcoholic but when he drinks he is abusive and argumentive he works nights and he would come home in the mornings open a beer i had a problem with that he said well it helps me sleep then it went on to all different kinds of excuses I did get him to stop for a few months and my life became even a bigger living hell he would go out of control when he wanted to drink it has came that i finally said I cant do it anymore and it saddens me that he chooses drinking over our marriage he says that he dont see how it affects me him drinking when I tell him well your abusive and argumentive he says well things were bad then and back to coming up with excuses why there nothing wrong with drinking and reading here I can see there is no hope he wont ever stop and I cant do anything about it this is horrible that my marriage is over. guess I was hoping to find an answer to help him stop I have asked about counseling he says there is no point he going to drink no matter . what a waste guess I am just letting off hot air now anyways sorry ..

NoelleR

Hey Crystaldreams ----

I'm sorry you're going through this..... )o:


BUT ----- 2 things.........:

1) Do you realize that this thread is from 2003....?; and

2) "...reading here I can see there is no hope he wont ever stop and I cant do anything about it this is horrible that my marriage is over. guess I was hoping to find an answer to help him stop I have asked about counseling he says there is no point he going to drink no matter . what a waste guess I am just letting off hot air now anyways sorry..." ---- where this may be the case, you don't know this for a fact right now; this is a very defeatist attitude at this time, and often times these self-fulfilling prophesies do come true; BUT it is not a fait accompli (a thing accomplished and presumably irreversible) just yet..... (o:

You may want to wait and see what some of the folks here have to say....some folks do drink/use until they're dead, but many do recovery (I know this for a fact because I am one of them). Just remember.....it ain't over till it's over.....lol


NoelleR

NoelleR

OK, now that's cute.....this has been moved from its original location (the end of a thread dating from 2003), and now my point #1 looks silly.....but honest, guys.....it really was on the end of a thread dating from 2003.....honest..... (o: ............... but my point #2 still stands, regardless of it being 2003 or 2008...... (o:


NoelleR

kj3880

Welcome. I did give my abf a chance to recover (60 day chance). He didn't work on it, so I left. I'm so glad that I did. Some people recover, I did. I wouldn't stay with someone who wasn't working hard on his recovery, though, because the stuff is hard to kick, and we really have to want it to be sober. Just My Opinion.

bookwyrm

Hi Crystal Dreams,

You sound so low - be aware that here, you're not alone!

I'm glad you found this site - it can be a life changing experience!! Take the time to read the stickies at the top of this forum - there is a whole load of very good information there.

Your H seems to have a problem with drinking and YOU have a problem with his drinking. You need to focus on you and your needs - start taking care of you! Remember the three C's - You didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it! You're the only one who can look after you. Step back, metaphorically, from the rollercoaster ride of living with an alcoholic and learn to detach with love. I recommend Medoldy Beattie's book 'Co-dependant No More' - it really helped me to deal with my AH's drinking in a practical way. It has also started me on my road to recovery from living with an alcoholic.

There are loads more friendly people here who will no doubt be able to share their experiences with you much better than I can.

Take care.:ghug

Rainbowsend

he works nights and he would come home in the mornings open a beer i had a problem with that he said well it helps me sleep then it went on to all different kinds of excuses

Hello and welcome.

Hey all sounds pretty simillar to my own experiences. Keep reading here, you'll learn a lot and identify with what others are/have experienced as much of it is the same. As for blowing off steam, no bad thing, often helps to see things in black and white.

Stubborn1

I'm sorry you are going through this. The best advice I have is to learn. Learn about the sickness. When you are educated you save yourself a lot of self doubt, what if's, and if only's.
Just because he drinks in the morning doesn't play a huge factor since his clock is different from ours with working nights. What does worry me is that he is abusive. As with anything that will get bigger and bigger and each episode could get worse over time. Be VERY careful.
If he doesn't see it as a problem then there is nothing you can do for him.
The only thing you have control over is yourself. Do YOU want to live in this any more?
Whatever you want in life it's up to you to go get it and not depend on another person for YOUR happiness.
Lots of love.

Bernadette

Hi crystaldreams!
Welcome to SR!
Stick around. keep reading and posting!!
Peace-
B.

TooMuch4TooLong

Welcome Crystal. You will find a lot of good information and support here, keep reading and keep learning. I have to second Stubborn on this because I have been there. It didn't start out as anything big, he would just grab my arm or something. Like the alcoholism it is progressive so do be very careful. By the time I left my stbxah I had suffered permanant damage to one of my eyes. I said in an earlier thread that if I have to defend my self in any way shape or form then it is not a marriage, if you love me I should not be afraid of you. Happy couples do not involve the police. Be aware and be safe. Peace.

Mair

Hi Crystal, nice to meet you. You will find a whole heap of people in the same situation as you, you will also meet people who have chosen to live a life without their alcoholics. Im glad you found us.

Gill

AmpHusky

You will make the right choice, Crytal. The violence is unacceptable. I was arrest when the XAGF was drinking around my kids, she started getting snappy at me. It got worse through out the day. Then the police were called for a second time in a month and we were both arrested. I was married 12 yrs prior to the A and never had hte police come once. Now in a month they came twice and I got arrested with her for domestic violence. She was off telling her family and friends I hit her and beat her and everything.

It will escalate into something worse, and rational thought does not play into it.