Aysha

She is someone that sits by me all the time. We have gotten to talking alot lately.
Over the past couple weeks. And I always have candy all the time. Hard candy. She always asks me for some. Which I dont mind. But she will ask me all night long..everyday. Is cool. I really dont mind.
The other day she was saying how she was starving and only had $5. That she didnt have much food at home. I was talking just befor ethat how I was going to subway for my lunch. And she says kinda jokingly. Save me some scraps. Ok..So then she started talkign about how she hadnt eaten. SO I went to Wendys and bought her back a double cheeseburger.
Yesterday. She was buggin out talking about how her family sucks and she was quitting beause she couldnt get a ride to work anymore. Been there. But never had to quit thnks to my family. And she started rambling how she wanted to blow her head off. OOKKAAYY..So we were like it is not that bad. Stay strong and all that.

Today..She is still going on about how she hasnt eaten since yesterday afternoon. She went to eat her dinner but her brother ate it on her. ANd she has no food in her house now. And I was like you have nothing. She said..Well I didnt want peanut butter and jelly on wheat bread. And she starts asking me for cigarettes. And a lighter. And keeps saying for like hours how she hasnt eaten and how hungry she is.
So without saying anything. I ate my tuna casserole I brought from home. Took my little $5 I have left until next Friday and went to Mcdonalds and bought her 2 double cheeseburgers and a fry. And handed it to her when I went back from lunch.

Now I was brought up to not let anyone go hungry. Even in the streets. I may not share my drugs with you. but I would always share food or buy food for someone. Thats just how I am. But it was like she expected me to do it. And maybe why she kept saying it all night. And still asking me for cigarettes.

I felt kinda stupid for thinking about going to buy her the food. Not becase she was saying she was hungry. Just some feeling in my gut is all. Dont know why. And I felt bad for feeling that way. So I was like F it. She needs to eat.
It was all good. But this girl didnt even thank me.
Now I didnt get it for her for brownie points. But a Thank you would have been nice. It was my last money for me for a whole week.
I have food at home. And it is really stupid. And I would still do it even still.
So why do I feel like I got played?
And now this girl is like clinging around me. And another thing, She saw my prescription bottle in my purse and asked what they were. I told her pain pills for my back. I take them when my back starts hurting real bad from sitting so long. She asks me how many I got. Ok red flag. I was like..Just a couple. They dont do anything to you anyway. She was like you never know. And I left it at that.

I am wondering what I have done now by just feeding some girl at work that said she was hungry. What is this girl going to expect now?
dont know. I just have a funny feeling now.

ANGELINA243

That was very kind of you chi....to try to help her, but it does sound she is trying to take advantage of you--almost sounds like she is trying to take you hostage...so to speak. You do have a say-so in that. You mention she works with you--what does she do with her paycheck--where does her money go? I would follow that gut instinct..sorry, not sure what advice to give but you can be kind to her without letting her take advantage of you/make you feel guilty.

stone

She sounds like trouble Trish. I would have a bad feeling about her too.

lisa1235

i agree with angelina,she is taking you hostage in a way.shes like throwing it all out there to you and that makes me suspisious of her motives.maybe shes seeing youre kindness for weakness and seeing what she can get out of it.bottomline you should tell her that you are sorry for her current situation but youre not in position to help her.that should let her know that she cant use you.and if she continues maybe you should tell her to check out some churches for food(they do help you with food)and maybe he should try counceling if she truely feels suicidal.she should apriciate your concern and know you are trying to help but if she gets rude its only because she was out for what she could get.thats very thoughtful wanting to help her but she works just like you and after a while cigs cost if its a daily thing..just my opinion.

Aysha

I did tell her there is a food pantry. I even go to it. She just said..yea I know. I also told her to go get food stamps. And I get those as well.
She also disclosed voluntarily that she is an alcoholic. Detoxed 3 times. But she isnt as bad as she was before. She works maybe 20 hrs a week. What she does with the rest of her time..I dont know.
I dont mind lookin out. But I just dont want to be taken advantage of. That will pi$$ me off. But really it will be my own fault if so.
I just know now what I may be dealing with. SO I will choose my actions differently.

ANGELINA243

Alcoholics are selfish, self-centered, manipulative people..at least--I was while active in my addiction.

BeamMeUpScotty

You're being very kind, but are right to be suspicious. Bring in a tossed salad and offer it to her--see if she's hungry enough for healthy food. Seriously, you might want to talk discreetly with your boss about the "uncomfortable" situation (if you can)--to what end I'm not exactly sure.

It's a great gesture to help people out, but not to be taken advantage of. Seems she has some serious issues of her own. Maybe give her some phone numbers of agencies which can help her out. Maybe you should talk with some type of professional counselor so you don't inadvertently do something which could make your or her situation worse. I guess I'm saying don't try to tackle this all by yourself--you need some extra help and ideas from people closer to the situation than some ***** in far-away Japan.

Good luck,

BMUS

lisa1235

well that explains it.shes probably drinking her check up and you understand because you've been there.since you've told her where to go for help and she continues to come to you i think shes looking for enablers and thats not going to help you or her.i suggest from now on if you do anything for her you tell her this will be the last time you'll be able to do it..see if she'll get to a meeting or ask for help.other than that if she asks remind her that she needs to get herself together and you cant do that for her .she has to.that should help her than he temporary help you can provide.goodluck ,i feel for you but you have to be firm or you'll be dealing with this everyday you work with her.

serenityqueen

Trish, you have a heart of gold and sadly, there are people out there who take full advantage of that.

I think your gut feelings are correct, this girl is trouble. I have worked with people like that and I have to be honest and say when I was using, at times I was one of those people. I would see someone who was kind and caring and use them up for everything I could get. I hate to admit that, but it's all a part of the Recovery process . . . owning one's chit.

Anyway, back to you (sorry) I have found that people who are truly hungry and having a hard time don't go around advertising it like she is. That was the big flag for me. And the comment about not wanting to eat peanut butter and jelly on wheat says alot. . . if you're hungy, you are grateful for what you have and aren't picky.

I think you were "right on the money" so to speak when you said she "saw" the Rx bottle in your purse. I assume you meant she was watching as you got something out of your purse and saw it. Us addicts see that kinda of stuff like a flashing neon light, we notice someone Rx bottles and ask. I have never known anyone who wasn't an addict to come out and ask what an Rx was for and how many you had in a situation like that. I can almost guarantee that she's going to have some pain issue come up very soon and be hinting very loudly that she wishes she had something for pain and for some reason or another, she couldn't afford to see her Dr. or he/she was out of town. (that was my scam)
I'd keep a close eye on that purse and only take one or two pills with you, however many you may need while at work.

If she is sitting by you at an assigned work station, I'd see about trying to get yourself moved. If it's a voluntary seating thing, I'd move away from her. This girl sounds like she is going to continue to take advantage of your kindness and use you up for all she can get. I was wondering where her check is going as well. You are not responsible for feeding her or handing out cigarettes that we all know aren't cheap. One of my favorite responses to people who continually ask if I have an extra cigarette is, "Sorry, I only got 20 in this pack, no extras." lol

Trish, I am so proud of how you are handling these day to day situations that we all face. You really are doing wonderfully so pat yourself on the back girl!

I'm adding this part here after reading your second posting Trish about her being an alcoholic but she's not as bad as she was before. We all know that once an alcoholic/addict, always an alcoholic/addict. It's whether we choose to be active in our addiction or not.

Hugs,
Judy

bostonluv

She is playing you. Can you get away from her? Sorry...we don't go hungry here in America. Food stamps, soup kitchens- like you said, McD's has a $1 menu. She could eat 3 meals for 5 bucks a day there. Beans, rice, mac n' cheese. These fill you up and don't cost much. I don't believe her from what you've written. Don't feel foolish though. Been played myself by this little game and I'm not a sucker but every once in awhile someone "gets" me and I feel weird about it. Go with your gut and shut her game down.

Rusty Zipper

trish, your a dear to feed someone, and i hear ya about the street code...

trish maybe not played...

geting played for the kill!

run for the hills!

Aysha

Thanks Guys..I thought I was being paranoid.
I dont like being scammed by no means. And I will tell you that just because I am not using anymore. I still dont bite my tongue.
SQ..I thought the same thing when she said that about the PB and J. Also she did start complaining she had a really bad headache over and over again. I offered her an ibuprofen. LOL.. Anyway.
I know whats up. So you know. Been there done that. Cant BS a BSer.
I know what I am dealing with. So I know how to handle myself now. Without being mean.
Instead of handing out free food. I will be handing out suggestions from now on.

Anna

Yikes, Trish, you were so kind, but get away from her.

She's bad news. She's manipulating and planning and waiting.

hairgirl

Keep your comments brief and do what your brain tells you-not your heart.Where do you work?? I would talk to a supervisor and let them know she is not doing well.

RK2007

Chiy, I think what you have done is very kind but also feel like everybody else that your gut instinct is right. If I was hungry, I would have eaten peanut butter sandwiches - you can't be fussy when you're hungry and that thing about her asking about your tablets is a bit scary too. Good luck with that.

freshstart

I think you are trying to do the right thing and that's cool. However she sits with you at work so she must be drawing a paycheck. Prolly close to the same as yours. Try not to let yourself get run over. I know it's hard but she has the same opportunities as you. helping once or twice is one thing but you can't be expected to carry her. JMO.

bugsworth

Trish, what a wonderful, kind thing you did...you are a very good person. I agree with everyone else...becareful not to be taken advantage of.

I do take one exception...bostonluv...many people do go hungry in America...just not this girl.

Popov_overdose

Food money in prolly going on drugs or a $5 pint of vodka like I used to to do, I'd rather save my five dollar vodka fix and not eat...she's trouble, distance my friend...DISTANCE yourself....20 hours a week barely pays her rent...I had a guy in my apt. building cry and say his little son needed medicine and how he got 20 hours a week, loaned him $300 after bitchin' and whining for weeks about how a cup o' noodles was all he got during the weekend. Next thing I know he's throwing a party at his place, with Tequila Gallons...payed me back $50.00 and eventually got evicted, STAY AWAY, My getting rid of that rat cost me $300 for ife since I will b\never see him again, it cost you a lot less ;-)

Impurrfect

(((Trish)))

When I read your first post here, red flags went up and I thought "she's drinking or using".

I, too, will feed someone when they're hungry, have given many a cigarette to my coworkers. But when they started EXPECTING it, I cut way back on the cigarettes and said "ya know, I'm struggling, too, and have to pay for these things". I don't have much of a problem with the food, since I work in a restaurant.

You know the drill....just watch out for you. AND make sure she has no access to your purse or RX.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Ananda

gosh trish...i read this yesterday and i wanted to scream she's a usser so bad i didn't post and came this morning to tell you...and everyone already told you what I would have said...I have a person in AA who is a drug seeker and user and has latched on to me. It is hard cause I help others cause its the right thing to do...but she has really helped me set some boundries...others say drop her like a hot potato and i havent done that...but she is no longer tearing up my heart with her seeking behavior. I still give her rides to meetings IF i am already planing to go. I delt with calling 911 and breaking into her house to "save" her (I'm not a dr and if she was a stranger and called cause she couldn't move I would do that..it's called minimum standards of behavior).I return her phone calls but keep it breif and am quite a bit more abrupt in telling her what I think as I don't believe she can hear anything subtle at this point.

I had never really seen such a clear example of this type of behavior and will follow my gut on that in the future. Having minimum standards of helping seems to be helping me to feel like I haven't treated her inhumanly cause i gotta live with myself..but keep me from feeling like i am being dishonest with her about her disease...I'm not making much sense here ...but maybe you'll get what i mean.

I would agree with bugs (sorry boston ) that there are many people in america who go hungry....but you can only do so much and that old thing of if you want them to eat the rest of their life teach them to fish sorta applys here.....I would buy someone dinner on occation, but if I want to help them I would offer them help on a budget, or help them see ways to permenantly improve their situation and how to get help that doesn't come down to me taking on their care for life...that make sense?

I'm glad you have a big heart...it will be a bigger asset than libility in your life!

:ghug2