Al Anon Test
Seeker of Wisdom
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: South Florida
Posts: 4
Al Anon Test
Hello, I just was reading the Al Anon test and wanted to respond but it is locked/closed.
I answered 12 of the 20 questions with "Yes", I was borderline on a few and definite "No" on a few.
I have heard of Al Anon and wondered about it, but I do have a question.
What can Al Anon do for me? I have coped with my girlfriends drinking for many years but the past two it has gone to another level.
I don't want to join a group that is a support group for folks like me, I want help to help her, I want insight on what i need to do for her to motivate, to assist, to get her to want to stop. Can Al Anon help me that way?
This is the first time I have been apart of any forums of this nature. I am apart of many spiritual and technical ( I know..what a combo) forums and manage a few of my own. But this time, after the past week I have had, I have decided to see where this will lead. To see if this can lead me to new ground to help me help her.
I posted in the newcomers forum a little about my situation.
Namaste
~Myrddin
I answered 12 of the 20 questions with "Yes", I was borderline on a few and definite "No" on a few.
I have heard of Al Anon and wondered about it, but I do have a question.
What can Al Anon do for me? I have coped with my girlfriends drinking for many years but the past two it has gone to another level.
I don't want to join a group that is a support group for folks like me, I want help to help her, I want insight on what i need to do for her to motivate, to assist, to get her to want to stop. Can Al Anon help me that way?
This is the first time I have been apart of any forums of this nature. I am apart of many spiritual and technical ( I know..what a combo) forums and manage a few of my own. But this time, after the past week I have had, I have decided to see where this will lead. To see if this can lead me to new ground to help me help her.
I posted in the newcomers forum a little about my situation.
Namaste
~Myrddin
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
I want insight on what i need to do for her to motivate, to assist, to get her to want to stop.
Hi Myrddin-- welcome!
Well if there was a way - any way for any of us to "get our loved one to stop" drinking we would have found it by now and this forum wouldn't need to exist! Unfortunately, and you may not believe this, there is pretty much nothing you can do to make her stop.
You can stop enabling her in any ways you have been (accomodating her addiction, financing things for her, cleaning up her messes, etc.) and sometimes that leads to the alcoholic facing their disease 's consequences and seeking help. But there is NO guarantee.
AlAnon helps with understanding what enabling is.
AlAnon helps you stop this disease from destroying YOUR life.
AlAnon can't teach you how to make your loved one stop drinking...because you are just not that powerful.
You didn't Cause it.
You can't Control it.
You can't Cure it.
Read around the forums here - read on the alcoholics forum too- you can gain a lot of insight. Also the "stickies" at the top of this forum page...
Keep posting- you're not alone!
Peace,
B.
Hi Myrddin-- welcome!
Well if there was a way - any way for any of us to "get our loved one to stop" drinking we would have found it by now and this forum wouldn't need to exist! Unfortunately, and you may not believe this, there is pretty much nothing you can do to make her stop.
You can stop enabling her in any ways you have been (accomodating her addiction, financing things for her, cleaning up her messes, etc.) and sometimes that leads to the alcoholic facing their disease 's consequences and seeking help. But there is NO guarantee.
AlAnon helps with understanding what enabling is.
AlAnon helps you stop this disease from destroying YOUR life.
AlAnon can't teach you how to make your loved one stop drinking...because you are just not that powerful.
You didn't Cause it.
You can't Control it.
You can't Cure it.
Read around the forums here - read on the alcoholics forum too- you can gain a lot of insight. Also the "stickies" at the top of this forum page...
Keep posting- you're not alone!
Peace,
B.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 646
Welcome Myrddin. You have found a great place where there are many people that have walked the path you are on. There are some stickies at the top of this forum that are worth a read. People here are wonderful in that they freely share their experience, strength, and hope with others. So pull up your chair and read. If you click on our names you can read past posts and get more of the individual stories.
As for answering your question...in my experience I read a book called "How Alanon Works". My library had it and it opened my eyes. In fact I recognized myself and my behaviors and learned a lot about alcoholism and how it affects the people close to the Alcoholic or addict. Next I read "Codependent No More" and I couldn't put that down because I felt like I was reading a book written just for and about me! After that I started attending some alanon meetings which were more helpful than I can put into words.
As for answering your question...in my experience I read a book called "How Alanon Works". My library had it and it opened my eyes. In fact I recognized myself and my behaviors and learned a lot about alcoholism and how it affects the people close to the Alcoholic or addict. Next I read "Codependent No More" and I couldn't put that down because I felt like I was reading a book written just for and about me! After that I started attending some alanon meetings which were more helpful than I can put into words.
Seeker of Wisdom
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: South Florida
Posts: 4
Bernadette,
Thank you, as I read your post, it makes sense. I do feel that it is definitely not in my power to do anything. This has to be something SHE wants. I do not ever feel as if I caused it nor can control it.
I think I may check into Al Anon and see where that leads. I am just not sure of what options I have, I don't see my self as enabling, at least not directly.
I just have to see what is out there and maybe Al Anon is a good place to start.
Thank you
Namaste
~Myrddin
Thank you, as I read your post, it makes sense. I do feel that it is definitely not in my power to do anything. This has to be something SHE wants. I do not ever feel as if I caused it nor can control it.
I think I may check into Al Anon and see where that leads. I am just not sure of what options I have, I don't see my self as enabling, at least not directly.
I just have to see what is out there and maybe Al Anon is a good place to start.
Thank you
Namaste
~Myrddin
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
Hey myrrdin-
Have you ever heard of a book called Under the Influence by Milam & Ketchum? It's usually in libraries. Great book about alcoholism, it's chemistry and effects on the brain/body, and its progression. It is a progressive disease - which it sounds like you are finding out.
When I read this book - it gave me a whopping sense of the power of this addiction and why it is so hard to overcome - and why it is impossible to argue, bargain, beg, cajole, or force an alcoholic to get treatment and stay sober.
We can encourage and support them with compassion but no enabling, and then we kind of have to let it go...no expectations...and make sure we are dealing fairly and squarely with OUR own issues, problems, dreams, goals. Often we use the alcoholic's dire and obvious problems as an excuse to not face ourselves!!! That's the kind of thing AlAnon can help you deal with.
Peace,
B.
Have you ever heard of a book called Under the Influence by Milam & Ketchum? It's usually in libraries. Great book about alcoholism, it's chemistry and effects on the brain/body, and its progression. It is a progressive disease - which it sounds like you are finding out.
When I read this book - it gave me a whopping sense of the power of this addiction and why it is so hard to overcome - and why it is impossible to argue, bargain, beg, cajole, or force an alcoholic to get treatment and stay sober.
We can encourage and support them with compassion but no enabling, and then we kind of have to let it go...no expectations...and make sure we are dealing fairly and squarely with OUR own issues, problems, dreams, goals. Often we use the alcoholic's dire and obvious problems as an excuse to not face ourselves!!! That's the kind of thing AlAnon can help you deal with.
Peace,
B.
Curled up in a good book...
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 1,542
Myrddin,
Can I recommend Melody Beattie's book 'Co-dependant No More'? I thought I wasn't an enabler of my AH's drinking and that I wasn't co-dependant. This book really opened my eyes! Being with my AH for 18 years had really warped my thinking.
I'll repeat what Chrysalis recommended - take the time to read the stickies at the top of the forum too - there is such a wealth of experience and information there! What struck me was the similarities I found to my life in other people's expereinces. If you stick around on this forum you will find others who are, or have been, in your situation too.
Can I recommend Melody Beattie's book 'Co-dependant No More'? I thought I wasn't an enabler of my AH's drinking and that I wasn't co-dependant. This book really opened my eyes! Being with my AH for 18 years had really warped my thinking.
I'll repeat what Chrysalis recommended - take the time to read the stickies at the top of the forum too - there is such a wealth of experience and information there! What struck me was the similarities I found to my life in other people's expereinces. If you stick around on this forum you will find others who are, or have been, in your situation too.
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