Bamboozle

It's coming, and I'm afraid...

It's been building for a couple of weeks and I don't know if I can last it...

I drank to escape...because it hurt too much to feel...

I don't know what to do now...

I hurt...and I'm feeling...and I don't like it...

I'm not drinking...haven't been for a couple of months....

When am I supposed to feel better?

Nothing works, except for denial sometimes. I pretend everything's going to be okay.

I'm not looking for advice on what to do. No one knows what to do for me and neither do I. I'm putting this out here because I'm trying to post before I get a case of the f-k its and loose my sobriety again. I made myself write this. I just want to get well.

Anna

Hang in there and you'll get through it.

I know it hurts, but you can handle it.

gypsytears

Sometime writing about it helps Bamboozle.

It's good you're noticing and keeping an eye on your feelings and possible triggers. Keep on top of that so you don't give in to drinking it away.

I guess you'll feel better when you do. Everyone is different of course. If you really feel down, can I ask if you've spoken to your doctor about it?

Thanks for sharing. I'm sure others feel this way also and reading about someone else is helpful at times like this.

least

I often want to know when I'll "feel better", cause lately I don't feel well in any sense of the word. All I know for sure is that drinking will only make it worse. I think you know that too. It's just very hard getting into that deep dark well of our feelings. I drank to escape the feelings too, but in the end it only made things worse. I won't go back to that bad place, and I hope you don't either.

Hevyn

Hi Bamboozle. I too drank to get outside of my head and thoughts. I was always reliving the past, filled with remorse and guilt about what I'd let happen to my life. I've finally been able to rise above those destructive thoughts, but it took a few months of sobriety. I no longer obsess about the past, I'm determined to make what I have left of my life count and matter. I can't say exactly what made me turn off the negative thoughts - I just didn't want to waste any more time wallowing in misery. It sounds like you need some help to work through this - writing it on here is a great decision, but maybe you need to seek a doctor's advice. (If possible! I know what it's like to be without health insurance.) Wishing you relief from your sadness.

Ananda

Your post has really touched me. Sometimes people talk of a spiritual desert...some times of a dark night of the soul....The first thing most of us do is to deny to run to hide to stop tht uncomfortable feeling. It is frightening. But sometimes it is the depth of that dark uncomfortableness that clears away the clutter in our minds and leads to spritiual or personal growth.

I know that when I am there it can feel like it has been there forever, unnoticed by me....and like it will go on for as long as I live....but in reality it is just the ebb and flow of life as unpleasant as that can be at times.

you are surrounded by people who have all in thier own way been through this expereince and come out the other side to expereince the joy again. Feelings are like clouds drifting through the sky...they pass on and disapear.

I hope you find what you need in order to come through this time and to the other side.

(HUG)

Bamboozle

I like that.




Thank you for caring, everyone. Just ate a bunch of really terrible food instead of drinking. I'm still sober for one more day. I'm going to call it a night. Thanks again.

bostonluv

Bamboozle. Sorry you're struggling. I hate struggling. Even though I can come on here and post I still very alone when I want to drink. No words can really help me, I just have to get through it or chuck my sobriety and start over, which I don't want to do. Hope things feel better today.

I like the feelings are like clouds post also. I'll remember that when I experience my next drink craving.

SelfSeeking

Hi, bam. I'm sorry you're struggling. Son of a B!tch, right? But ananda's right, this too shall pass. *hugs*

citychick

The others here have said it all.

I just want to share this. Last night after a meeting as I stood waiting for the lights to change, I noticed a bottle shop right opposite and for a moment it seemed like it would be so easy to just walk in and blow my sobriety. While I was standing there I remembered what it was like when I was drinking and all the good things I'd be throwing away. It felt like early sobriety again, that indecision, you know, like I can jump either way here. The only prayer I could think of was one word, 'God,' and it wasn't even a prayer to my way of thinking. About 30 seconds later a taxi pulled up right in front of me, I was in it and on my way home with no more thoughts of the bottle shop.

Sorry, I know this isn't about your feelings but I just wanted to share it.

Bamboozle

Hello, everyone and thank you. Tonight will probably be another long night. At least I’m not feeling as depressed…I've been incredibly anxious lately and I can't shake it right now. Alcohol used to help calm it down enough so I could get more sleep. (I know, alcohol disrupts sleep, but at least I could pass out and wake after 5 hours instead of only getting in a few rough hours of sleep).

I know why it's so bad right now...I'm really stressed out. I didn't go to sleep until sometime after 7am my time this morning and had to wake up in three hours to go to work. I went to work...I was a little tired...but not too bad. I am wide awake right now and that bothers me. I haven't really had anymore caffeine than normal, either.

I hope I can fall asleep earlier tonight, but it's hard when you can't shut off your brain. Nothing works until I get exhausted and then I crash. I really hate this...this is the first time since quitting that it's hit me this hard. I'm at a point where I need to be getting enough rest so I can get important things done. Right now. Not two weeks from now. Ugh....

jazzyjeff2008

Hey Bamboozle, welcome. It's okay to feel sad, afraid, even happy in recovery. You are going to feel all kinds of emotions. Just don't drink. Talk about it like you are doing now. That's what its all about - sharing where you are and how you feel. Once again, welcome to sober recovery.com

least

Keep sharing your feelings with us, to keep them from building up inside you. I'm glad to be allowed to share your feelings and frustrations. I'm glad that I can help you thru a rough patch - that helps us both. I'm hoping you are feeling better and better and that the rough place is smoothed out for you to continue in your sober journey.

Ananda

try any tricks you know for falling asleep bam...but if they don't work and the problem continues please contact your dr. He/she may verywell be able to help.

If you can aford it and have AC it sometimes help me to keep the house a little on the cool side at night...not sure why. For the anxiety meditation can help and so can just lying in bed counting your breaths to 10 over and over and I even use to count sheep trying to visualize each one going over the rail and some of them would be stuborn and have to be nudged by moma! I know it sounds silly but seriously it really did help me to relax.

Hope

Writing about it helps.
I know you can get through this.

CarolD

Please see if this link helps you Bam...

Insomnia? 41 Simple Tips to Help You Get to Sleep - Insomnia treatment, cures

You also might want to consult with
your doctor...especially if you are on meds.

Blessings

Bamboozle

Thanks, everyone. I watched a movie last night to distract me from my worries...it worked. I got a lot more sleep last night.