How do I forget/forgive?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Wilmington, NC
Posts: 932
How do I forget/forgive?
Hi.
AH has been clean for a couple of months now and I am starting to relax a little bit. Today, I had to print out some old bank statements from my banks website and in the process of doing that, I came back across the ridiculous ATM withdrawals, pharmacy debits, etc. from when AH was using and I got sick feeling and mad all over again.
The other day I wanted to hang up a picture and couldn't find a hammer. Whenever I can't find something, I know it's found it's way to a pawn shop from when AH was using.
How do ya'll keep these feelings at bay so that you don't have to re-live this hell over and over again?
Tips? Advice? How do we move forward?
AH has been clean for a couple of months now and I am starting to relax a little bit. Today, I had to print out some old bank statements from my banks website and in the process of doing that, I came back across the ridiculous ATM withdrawals, pharmacy debits, etc. from when AH was using and I got sick feeling and mad all over again.
The other day I wanted to hang up a picture and couldn't find a hammer. Whenever I can't find something, I know it's found it's way to a pawn shop from when AH was using.
How do ya'll keep these feelings at bay so that you don't have to re-live this hell over and over again?
Tips? Advice? How do we move forward?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
There are many occasions when I can be triggered by things that range from the trivial to extremely serious. Over time and as I heal, this happens less often and it's less intense.
I try to keep the focus on myself, continue to go to meetings and remember that this is just one more consequence of somebody else's bad choices. For me to trust again, it takes seeing good choices and positive actions over time.
I need to remember to live in today because there is not one thing I gain from placing my focus the past- except to learn from it.
I try to keep the focus on myself, continue to go to meetings and remember that this is just one more consequence of somebody else's bad choices. For me to trust again, it takes seeing good choices and positive actions over time.
I need to remember to live in today because there is not one thing I gain from placing my focus the past- except to learn from it.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
I don't run across stuff anyone ELSE has done, I run across stuff I have done. I've run across bank statements from when I relapsed and had almost $800 in bounced check charges.
I used to beat myself up, but I figure now, the best thing is to make sure it doesn't happen again.
I also have some precious things that were sold by XABF #2 for crack, including my dead mom's wedding ring.
It used to make me mad, but I've finally had to just tell myself "what's done is done". The best thing I can do is to make sure it doesn't happen again. I had to work through the anger, first (at him AND me).
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I used to beat myself up, but I figure now, the best thing is to make sure it doesn't happen again.
I also have some precious things that were sold by XABF #2 for crack, including my dead mom's wedding ring.
It used to make me mad, but I've finally had to just tell myself "what's done is done". The best thing I can do is to make sure it doesn't happen again. I had to work through the anger, first (at him AND me).
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
I've become better at letting things go...whats done is done is right.
It helps me also to remember how crazed and panicked I was in those days, and how I'm no longer feeling that way. I never thought that would change...but it did.
So...from a practical standpoint, I'm in a much better place now, so why spend one more minute in my "bad" place?
It helps me also to remember how crazed and panicked I was in those days, and how I'm no longer feeling that way. I never thought that would change...but it did.
So...from a practical standpoint, I'm in a much better place now, so why spend one more minute in my "bad" place?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Wilmington, NC
Posts: 932
Thank you Amy, Cece and CMC for your responses. I was rather surprised at my physical reaction to seeing this stuff again and admit that I was diappointed in myself, but it was more of a physical recoil THEN came the emotional response.
I pray (for all of us) that we never ever have to go down that broken road again and that we can continue to move forward with our lives. I feel like it's 3 steps forward and 2 steps back. I know that is still progess but geeze!
I pray (for all of us) that we never ever have to go down that broken road again and that we can continue to move forward with our lives. I feel like it's 3 steps forward and 2 steps back. I know that is still progess but geeze!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in my own world~
Posts: 1,237
I'm having a hard time trusting my son who says he's clean now. Even though he has a good job and is living on his own~~~the nightmares we lived through just haven't completely left my head.....I'm sure in time and as he proves himself to us (for about 2 years)))) I may forget alot of this..So, forgetting and forgiving are two different things to me. Its up to him to realize that he has an addiction problem and work daily to stay healthy.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Wilmington, NC
Posts: 932
I reconciled a long time ago that I could forgive him but I would NEVER forget. Can't. Won't. I just hate the reminders and the old resentments and bitterness. I want to put it behind me and move forward not get slapped in the face every now and then - although, maybe that's God's way of making sure we don't get compliant....hmmmmm......
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
I get triggered too by things my daughter did in the past. I try to let it go but sometimes it takes a real effort. I just know that my daughter is not yet at the point of making verbal amends, but she is really trying and for now that is enough. I have real compassion for her struggles and I know that she would never have done the things she did if not for addiction. I have to remind myself that she has a disease. That helps. Even though I have forgiven, I will not forget. I think God gives us lessons and he does not want us to have to repeat those painful lessons again and again. He gave us the gift of forgiveness, but He also gave us the gift of remembering and He gave us that for a reason. Hugs, Marle
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