BayAreaPhoenix

I get the difference, for the most part, but I think I get stuck here.

Feelings and thoughts can lie. Doesn't make them invalid- I understand this. But, your intuition (gut) is a feeling too - a different kind of feeling, one I'm learning to pay more attention to and believe, and sometimes the two get a little blurred.

Any advice on following your gut vs. waiting on feelings?

justanothrdrunk

"feelings" to me is emotions. And emotions don't lie.

But I think you're talking about something else maybe? I'm also missing the difference between intuition and thoughts. Aren't all intutions (gut reactions) thoughts?

I'm just not following your question I don't think.

baxter

I don't think I'm quite following your question either.

I have a hard time with trusting "gut" reaction since I've been in the bar business. Many a time a new customer would come to the area and as soon as he walked through the door my "gut" would tell me he is nothing but trouble, or I can't stand his attitude and as time went by and we got to know him he turned out to be a pretty nice guy. I'm not saying this is always the case, sometimes the "gut" reaction turns out to be right, I just have a hard time trusting my immediate reaction to someone or something and need to know a little more before I can pass my own judgement. Guess that might be where "feeling" things aren't quite right comes in.

Now I don't quite know what I said, guess I'm mixed up.

BayAreaPhoenix

Yeah - I was trying to keep it short.

Emotional feelings are clear, but there are many times when there is no actual reason for them, but it doesn't make them invalid. If I'm sad because I lose a loved one - that is clear and that emotion is strong - but there are days when I'm just sort of sad for no real reason. Just a funky day. I know that I am going to have those days and they will pass, I just have to feel them - but I don't have to let them rule my day either. Just because I'm out of sorts doesn't mean I can't put a smile on my face and talk to someone nicely, etc. And, 9 out of 10 times, it helps me get out of my own funk if I do that. I don't think those feelings are lies per-say, but our thoughts and feelings can lie to us. Then there is "gut" feelings and reactions. I am learning to follow my gut, if something "feels" wrong, chances are it is and I should go with that, etc.

But, sometimes the two seem to get a little blurred, and my question is - does anyone have any little (big) "tells" they use to seperate just feelings from gut when that happens. I'm trying to think... As an example (of course all of a sudden it's hard to come up with one - a short one). I'm having a bad day - for whatever reason - and I seem to look at everything and everyone with suspicion, or I over compensate and ignore things because I'm just having a bad day. There are better examples - but I guess I'm really talking about "subtle" differences. i.e. My boyfriend/girlfriend didn't call last night, I feel like s/he's pulling away and we're on our way to breaking up, or I feel like s/he's being inconsiderate, or I feel like s/he's up to something - feeling (while not invalid, any one of those things could be true, or it could be s/he fell asleep on the couch and didn't wake up until morning and that was that) or gut? Not the best example giver - but hopefully the idea might be coming across.

Does that make a little more sense? I have gotten so many great helpful "tells" for other things, i.e. if I'm feeling FRUSTRATED - I can name that emotion clearly for myself and when I do it usually means I am not in control of something and I can stop myself and ask myself if it really is something in my control or even my business. If not, I can let it go and let go of the frustration. If I'm talking to my AH and I feel CONFUSED, I know he's lying and/or manipulating. If I use the word SHOULD (in relation to myself or anyone else) it signals Stop.

justanothrdrunk

What I think you're asking about is when should (if ever) our emotions govern our behavior. That, AND, if someone else's behavior triggers a specific emotion within me, does it mean the same thing every time? This I gather from your last paragraph...

Holy tough questions Batman!

First, some of the things you refer to as emotions I don't consider to be. To me, confusion isn't an emotion. Confusion is just a state of mind when I'm receiving conflicting or incomplete information. Though confusion for me can lead to frustration... anyway, I'm drifting off topic some.

Ideally for me, my emotions should never control my behavior. The simplest way I can think of this is that there is good and bad behavior but no good or bad emotions. I have the right to feel any way I want to about anything moment to moment. But there's no excuse for bad behavior.

Maybe this is a good example... very recent happening for me and perhaps directly relates.
Long story short, lots of murmurs about layoffs coming where I work. Even management is confirming rumors. 2008 wasn't a good year. They don't know when or how many, but some layoffs are coming and we should expect to be directly impacted - not our whole department/division, but positions eliminated here and there and no one is "safe."

Today, every two weeks like normal, I get the obligatory reminder to fill out my time for the week. We are salaried but they still want to know how much extra we work and what we work on. In addition, we get a second memo saying the same thing. But the second is from the division admin assistant. I can't recall any time in the past when we got one from her. It got me thinking, end of the pay period - that would be the day to let people go. And why the reminder from the admin assist? Do they want to make sure everyone has their time logged before they are sent packing.

So this has me worried that today is the day and I could very well be one that is laid off.

So what does this mean? First emotion, a little fear (but not too much because I have faith in my HP that if laid off that's exactly what my HP wants for me). And with all the information I have, I know a lay off is coming for some. But is my feeling, my emotion meaningful in any way related to the circumstances. I think absolutely not. I don't think my emotion can tell me anything about anyone or anything except myself. Thus, my emotions should never govern my behavior except in a healthy expression of those emotions (i.e., crying when I'm sad).

To me, with my situation, it's obvious that it would not be good for me to start behaving like I'm going to lose my job today. That's an easy conclusion for me. Other times it's not so cut and dry until I remember that any emotion, although valid to express in a healthy way, has no meaning in and of itself.

Don't know if that helps or not...

BayAreaPhoenix

Definitely helps. I keep trying to think of a CLEAR way to say what I mean, but it's such a case by case, situation to situation thing it's difficult, but bottom line - while I'm learning to trust my gut, sometimes I wonder is it my gut or is it a "feeling" - usually negative self stuff - that is coming thru. I am speaking in relation to the rest of the world outside my AH and that whole situation. I sometimes find it difficult to navigate if I'm feeling funny just because it's that kind of day or if I'm feeling funny because my gut is reacting to a trigger I need to pay attention to.

My concern - because obviously I can "sit" with whatever for a while and see what comes about - is that I don't want to "sit" too long. I "sat" with my AH's behavior for 13 years waiting for a clear sign, and I guess that I am concerned I'm slipping sometimes. Maybe I'm not... not always, but some things still seem a little unclear to me, and maybe they just are unclear... I trust my tools for the most part, certainly feel stronger and clearer in general, but every once in a while something will come up and all of a sudden I think maybe I really haven't learned my new tools, maybe I am still in that Codie frame of mind, maybe I haven't come as far as I think....