cem001

RAH is on his 4th step still. He now has a new sponsor that's taken an interest in him finishing this step. He explains to my husband that he'll feel so much better once he's completed this step. I try to not say anything, pretty much let him work his recovery and I work mine. I have noticed a "change" in his meetings. He's avoiding going because he doesn't want to tell his sponsor he's not done. Although he has worked on it, a whole lot more than before.

Any suggestions? I try to listen, he's going through his "God I treated you so badly". I have explained to him that I don't think there is a thing that he is going to say, write or admit that would surpise me. I encourage the moving on effort, but try to not nag.


Any suggestions?

justanothrdrunk

I prefer that my spouse allow me to work my program of recovery at my own pace.

My wife is in al-anon. And while we support each other, we are not involved in each other's programs.

cem001

justanotherdrunk,

Pretty much what I said we do, I will sometimes make a suggestion that he attend a meeting due to his attitude.

I appreciate all the advice. I know that I can't do his program for him, but sometimes a little push doesn't hurt?

freshstart

fourth step is soooo hard. please don't push him. it takes some people months to finish it if not longer if they are doing it right. his sponsor should understand that as well. he has to do this on his own and at a pace where he is safe. it does open up a lot of old wounds.

you mentioned that there isn't anything in there that he could say that would surprise you... does this mean you intend to read his fourth step or do his fifth step with him? i would urge you to not do that. he won't be able to get too the complete honesty that is needed.

V

cem001

freshstart,

No, I do not intend to do his 5th step with him. I did make the mistake in reading the beginnings of his 4th step. Since then, I have not touched it, gone near it, or LOOKED at it. He has no clue that I read it. I know there is pain in there for him, and for me. I have read as much so I will wait until he's ready to share, if he ever is and we'll move on. I have been with him for 23 years, we have been married 21. He will soon celebrate his 4 year birthday.

I push when he makes the comment "I know that I will feel better once I am done with it." He has so many emotional/physical scares from his drinking that he'll have to deal with. I can't and would not do it for him anymore. I think his emotional scars with his family is probably deeper than I ever imagined, but there again, with our higher power in place, we'll do just fine.