My father and stepmother are trying to use me...vent

Old 09-25-2008, 11:26 AM
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Unhappy My father and stepmother are trying to use me...vent

Hi gang,

Once again, I need to vent.

As you know it is going on three weeks since my husband moved out. I am suppose to see him tomorrow to bring some clothes and stuff. He had sounded good the last two times I spoke to him, and had called both my mother and sister asking them if he could use them for a reference for a job under the table. He moved in with a friend (also an A), who is trying to help him out. Today, he was weepy. He was in a lot of back pain today, and he cried to me about how he missed me and loved me. He again said he was hungry. I have been crying a bunch the last few days. I have been missing him too. It has been terrible. So already the day was off to a gloomy kind of start.

Then I get a message from my step mother. My father and step mother are (to put it lightly) underhanded people. I love my father, but he has always been very self centered and is ready to shark someone for a buck. In his business, he has lied, cheated, and stole. His wife (my mother's former friend) is just like him, and he cheated on my mother when I was 13 and left her for my step mother. My step mother has one child, who is now 25. My step sister uses...what, I don't know, but I suspect coke, ex, and a variety of other things. My step mother has enabled her to the hilt. She has never balanced her checkbook, paid her own way, or done anything on her own. My step mother bought her a condo, which my stepsister promptly destroyed between the parties, the friends crashing, and the neglect. Eventually, they decided that she had to get out of there, and she moved to Brooklyn with a boyfriend who is now in prison for strong arm robbery. My dad and SM were paying the mortgage on the condo to prevent it from going into foreclosure.

My AH and I moved in there because it was benefical for all...the financial burden off them and off of us since it was considerably cheaper and bigger than what we were in. AH and I signed a lease to ward off the possibility of the step sis coming and trying to weasel back in. A few months ago, the step sis moved back down from NY (couldn't hack it up there on her own...couldn't find a job---hello...NYC and couldn't find a job?). My father has announced several times how much he can't stand her. She has been living with them now...suddenly, they are singing her praises...she got a job and she is doing so great (yeah right)....

well today, the other shoe dropped, and my step mother left a message on my work phone to ask that since the step sis is working so close to my place that I should rent her the other bedroom... I called my father and we argued about it for a while...I told him that if they are going to try to force this on me, I will stop paying rent, and they can formally evict me. Of course, my father as manipulative as he is tries to twist my words to make it appear like I am being emotional and irrational. We ended up hanging up on one another. I left a message on my step mother's phone that under no condition will I allow her to live with me.

I just got one addict out of the house! They didn't even wait until my damn sheets have cooled and they are ready to pounce. I am so hurt and sad. They are intentionally trying to take advantage of me. They know I am going through a divorce and that this is painful...they are going to try to pawn this person off on me and tell me that they are looking out for my welfare...you don't have 25 years worth of problem, 10 years of addiction, and no responsibility, and are magically fixed in two months....no AA no NA no recovery whatsoever....

On top of that, it just makes me miss my husband all the more. I feel so alone in all this. It makes the ache all more painful....

Thanks for letting me vent. Sorry so long.
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Old 09-25-2008, 11:37 AM
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I feel your pain today. I was pretty good yesterday. Today, not as good, can't get any work done. You will make it. Chin up.
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Old 09-25-2008, 11:41 AM
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Don't let them do it.. You've been an inspiration to me, and I know you have the strength to keep going.

<hugs>

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Old 09-25-2008, 11:51 AM
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Oh Silverberry :ghug3 You've had to deal with so much. You stay strong - my thoughts are with you!
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Old 09-25-2008, 12:09 PM
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I'm sorry you're in such a bad place today, but I'm glad you're angry about being treated like this. Complete and utter BS, from this perspective. You have a signed lease, you've made your unwillingness to have the sister there clear, maybe consider stopping taking their abusive calls for a while. Because that's what it is - abuse. You're a grown up woman and you have the right to say "get lost." The last thing you need is more stress right now.

Consider too having ALL of your husband's things moved out, and into a storage unit near him, once he has this job. The responsibility will be his, then, not yours, and you may be able to avoid some of these horrible phone calls with him. Your loneliness may leave you much, much more quickly if you can separate from his choices a bit more.

Hugs to you, friend out there!
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Old 09-25-2008, 12:29 PM
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Sorry you're going through this now.

A list of the pros and cons of getting a place independent of their "generosity" might be an idea worth considering.

I did learn that my desire to have others "get it" whatever "it" might be went way outside the alcoholic circle. I cannot change anyone.
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Old 09-25-2008, 12:30 PM
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I agree Silver, stop taking the phone calls for a while, heal yourself!!!!

You have a signed lease, there is nothing they can do (legally) to force someone to live there. You have every right to say NO.

I'm glad you are angry, you can fight for yourself that way.

I've had to stop communication from members of my family and friends because of similar behavior.

Don't let their actions upset you. Take care - we are all here for you. K.
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Old 09-25-2008, 12:34 PM
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No advice Silverberry, just a hug (((())))
take care of you.
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Old 09-25-2008, 01:10 PM
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Stand your ground on her not moving in and start looking for a place of your own so there won't be the entanglements.
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Old 09-25-2008, 01:46 PM
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Don't know why, but ever noticed that when you are up to your armpits in S**T, other people try and dump their load onto you? Stay strong, deal with what YOU need to and tell them step sis is their problem and you don't need or want her as a lodger. Agree it may be easier for you to have hubby's gear out of your place, but that is for you to decide. Keep on saying NO to what you don't want til others get the message. You have plenty of caring folk here for emotional support, motivation and prayer. God bless
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