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18 days and counting

Old 09-25-2008, 12:32 AM
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18 days and counting

I've been going through an emotional roller coaster. Fits of aggression, anger, depression. I don't even know who I am right now. I've been a heavy pot smoker for 15 years. Although, I'm invigorated by my new found truth, it scares the **** out of me. I have been stoned my entire adult life and am frightened of what I might become if I don't "medicate"

I know I should read the forums to search for tips, but I don't have the energy right now.

This week I feel like I am empty of all empathy. I could care less if I hurt people, especially my girlfriend. I used to be so aware of not hurting peoples feelings, and now I could give a ****.

Does this go away? I hope and pray that it does because I feel like a black hole. I basically watched my girlfriend ball her eyes out for hours and had no reaction at all. Zero. In the past I would have consoled her by holding her, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

I've been faking and lying for so long, I don't know what's real anymore.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated
j
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Old 09-25-2008, 12:41 AM
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Looking For Myself...Sober
 
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Welcome...I think we all go through that stage. When you put something in your body so long then all of a sudden take it away. Our minds and bodies kinda go into panic mode.
It does go away. But it doesnt by itself. It takes work and awareness. Changes little by little in your thinking and lifestyle will help too. IMO.
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Old 09-25-2008, 07:10 AM
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let it grow!
 
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nice to meet you, brandnewday. have you thought about going to na or aa?

keep reading and posting - lots of support here from people who understand.

hugs, k
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Old 09-25-2008, 08:17 AM
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thank you for your kind words. i'm attending some na meetings, but am getting the sense that i need to go more frequently. i also found some marijuana anonymous meetings in my area that i think are a better fit for me. i'm also in therapy.

i just feel really bad about not having loving feelings towards my girlfriend. i'm not sure she can handle this path i've finally chosen. i am completely self focused and not at all aware of her feelings. all i care about is speaking the truth, unfiltered. have any of you taken space in your relationships during this process? i feel like i'm likely to cause permanent damage to our relationship if i continue in this way.
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Old 09-25-2008, 08:53 AM
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My boyfriend was surprised at some of my reactions at first and it was difficult. I had a whole week of being so grumpy I was almost unbearable to be around. It'll pass. Tell her it's not as personal as it feels. Also, I found when he asked me to go out to dinner, etc. and I knew I was a grump that I would just tell him: I'm not fit for human company tonight. He understood after awhile to leave me alone and let me post here or for you, go to a meeting where people understand that you're in transition right now.
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Old 09-25-2008, 08:59 AM
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Hi Brandnewday,
Don't be too hard on yourself - it sounds like you have a lot going on with meetings,therapy and withdrawals (well it sounds like that to me). You are being honest and asking for help. Time takes time even though us humans want everything to be resolved and sorted right now!

It will get better if you stay clean. If you stay clean you won't have to go through all this again. They say in the rooms that the good news is we get our feelings back and the bad news is we get our feelings back. I'm sure you and your g/f can get through this. Have Faith, believe in yourself that YOU can do this. Good Luck and Keep Coming back!
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