pattyspaw

i'm feeling so low right now; i tried to start this post several times already; i drank again last night, i get to feeling better and then i blow it; i felt so guilty monday night when i got home from a meeting, why do i let others get to me so much; at least last night i got a lot done so tonight is free; this is hard; i've always thought of myself as tough, i'm not and i'm tired of trying to be; i'm letting the tears flow, i'm afraid i won't be able to stop and i have to go to work today; i'm don't like crying, i guess that's a part of the problem; there is so much pain that i don't want to feel;

parentrecovers

sorry to hear you are struggling. maybe meetings just aren't enough right now. can you go to any type of treatment program - outpatient or inpatient? what about counseling?

i'm not sure what your status is for insurance. i would think in a city your size, there would be sliding scale/free programs available, if you are willing to do some research.

for now, i suggest you pour the booze down the sink and try to get some rest.

hugs and support, k

pattyspaw

thanks for the reply; meetings would probably be enough if i would let go of all the other stuff and just go to them in the evenings; i have good insurance and have been thinking about a treatment program, just scared of a lot of stuff, lik what would happen to my cats and my job;

parentrecovers

well, if you have the resources, looking into your program options is a good start. maybe outpatient, around your home and work responsibilities? at least then you'd know what was available and could make a decision based on that?

i'm not an alcoholic, i'm the mom of one. but i know in my own recovery, fear can be a real distracter. so i think i understand. when i slow down and keep it simple, i do best.


one day at a time, pattyspaw. try not to make it too complicated, ok?

hugs, k

Isaiah

There are outpatient programs, many that run mornings and evenings. You wouldn't have to stop work or abandon your cats.

pattyspaw

i think i need to get some telephone numbers from some people at a meeting, maybe if i could talk someone when the urge to drink starts it would help; i just feel so lost and alone;

parentrecovers

great idea! maybe a sponsor too, to guide you through the steps?

you sure don't have to do it alone.

espresso

Sorry to read of your struggles - sounds like you need much more support than you have. If you're going to AA then you'll know you can't do this alone. The suggestions to go into outpatient or even inpatient rehab is sound advice. Unless you address your drinking ( that's if you really want to) you may not have a job to go to. Alcoholism is a progressive illness - it gets worse. You say there is so much pain you don't want to feel. I guess you are drinking on that - I know I did. But there is a solution. Please seek the help you need and deserve. You are worth it.