it happened again.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: VA
Posts: 31
it happened again.
My STBXAW hit me again. It happened at the end of one of her unsupervised visits at the house. She had been bent out of shape all week because she found my blog. However, it's not even about her, it's just mostly nerdy writing. So had also been freaking out about my mom, whom she thinks helps me out too much (I have more than 2 small children). She wants to get back together real bad. Like an idiot, I talked to her on the phone and said that I would bring dinner home that day and we would talk. It got really weird really fast. She said she would kill the kids if I didn't get back together with her (she later denied saying that). She was obviously on something when I got there. She was in her underwear and tried to force herself on me and stuff like that. It was so weird; the two older kids were huddled in a corner. I repeatedly asked her to leave, she would not. Eventually, after berating me for having "no self esteem" she punched me in the face and I called the cops. She then fled.
So now I'm in this legal world again, I have to go to court and all that stuff. I feel like an idiot for letting her manipulate me. I think I was feeling pressure to reconcile somewhat, or work things out for the benefit of our children. Plus, and this is what my therapist said, I was and still am lonely. In the back of my head, maybe I was also afraid of her using my blog to get me in trouble at work or something (it's completely anonymous, though, and has no pictures of me or mention of the name of my employer). That's my biggest fear in life--getting fired and not being able to support my family or provide them with health insurance. I'm also mad at the juvenile/domestic legal system that was so quick to give her unsupervised visitation. I feel like the system let our kids down by letting this happen. So now there's an emergency hearing on Friday, we'll see what happens.
I really need to go to a meeting but I can't because my mom can't watch the kids by herself because she has a bad back. So this takes the place of a meeting, I guess. I still feel like she's out there somewhere, trying to ruin my life.
So now I'm in this legal world again, I have to go to court and all that stuff. I feel like an idiot for letting her manipulate me. I think I was feeling pressure to reconcile somewhat, or work things out for the benefit of our children. Plus, and this is what my therapist said, I was and still am lonely. In the back of my head, maybe I was also afraid of her using my blog to get me in trouble at work or something (it's completely anonymous, though, and has no pictures of me or mention of the name of my employer). That's my biggest fear in life--getting fired and not being able to support my family or provide them with health insurance. I'm also mad at the juvenile/domestic legal system that was so quick to give her unsupervised visitation. I feel like the system let our kids down by letting this happen. So now there's an emergency hearing on Friday, we'll see what happens.
I really need to go to a meeting but I can't because my mom can't watch the kids by herself because she has a bad back. So this takes the place of a meeting, I guess. I still feel like she's out there somewhere, trying to ruin my life.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Somewhere out there
Posts: 156
SR is a wonderful place and fills the gaps btwn meetings. Please take care of you! you are all you have. I have even been to meetings where there are places that are ok for kids. Of course, I don't pretend to know the half of your story. I just know that a call to someone in the program is good, a meeting with a sponsor is too. The program is there, just grab it and take it for all its worth! Good luck.
Recovering Codependant
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Liverpool, Great Britain
Posts: 1,335
(((((fff))))) don't be hard on yourself, we all make mistakes and especially I think for a codie like me, it is all too easy to forget previously learnt lessons and get sucked back in.
You trusted the authorities who said unsupervised visits were ok - now you know that she is still quite explosive and can turn on a sixpence (sudden behaviour changes). All you can do is to get back to the authorities let them know what has happened and get the supervision back. did they do any type of assessment on her to ensure the safety of the children?
She has been abusing you, and moving on from abusive relationships is terribly difficult, but not impossible! Have you spoken to any battered spouse lines? These should be listed, or else do a search on your PC. They will be able to offer you lots of advice and help and should be able to help you out with free child care too for when you have court dates etc. Also if you are not having some already, I would suggest counselling as your self esteem seems low which (I know from experience) is dented after exposure to abusive personalities and listening to constant verbal attacks.
Reach out to the resources around you, don't live by your fears, think in positive terms of I CAN, I WILL etc. You are a fantatsic human with unlimited potential, very loving and caring and you deserve the best in life. Tell yourself that everyday and BELIEVE it!
Take loving care of yourself my friend,
Love and blessings
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
You trusted the authorities who said unsupervised visits were ok - now you know that she is still quite explosive and can turn on a sixpence (sudden behaviour changes). All you can do is to get back to the authorities let them know what has happened and get the supervision back. did they do any type of assessment on her to ensure the safety of the children?
She has been abusing you, and moving on from abusive relationships is terribly difficult, but not impossible! Have you spoken to any battered spouse lines? These should be listed, or else do a search on your PC. They will be able to offer you lots of advice and help and should be able to help you out with free child care too for when you have court dates etc. Also if you are not having some already, I would suggest counselling as your self esteem seems low which (I know from experience) is dented after exposure to abusive personalities and listening to constant verbal attacks.
Reach out to the resources around you, don't live by your fears, think in positive terms of I CAN, I WILL etc. You are a fantatsic human with unlimited potential, very loving and caring and you deserve the best in life. Tell yourself that everyday and BELIEVE it!
Take loving care of yourself my friend,
Love and blessings
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Des Moines, IA
Posts: 126
I don't know if you have a sponser but if you do call them maybe they know of some young person that would be able to watch the kids at the meeting for you without charging you, some of them might have kids that are available to do this. You might also talk to one of the local churches or youth groups sometimes they have kids that are looking for some kids to babysit at a low cost for an hour or so.
Barb
Barb
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 633
Hang in there, it's tough when you have kids and the courts will basically not allow you to go no contact with the A. No one, from insurance companies to banks to the courts seems to really "get" what it's like to deal with an addict as a spouse or ex spouse. My ex too will act perfectly "normal" for weeks then wig out on me over the phone (I refuse to deal with him on person at all).
Ph.D in insanity!!
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 698
OMG! This story makes me so sick to my stomach. You definitly need to take your blog down for starters.......that's just my opinion.
Can you get a trespassing warrant? Order of protection? It is huge abuse for the kids to witness that. You have to do something. Sometimes you can not depend on the system. Depend on yourself so if anything lets those children down it will be you. Bolt lock the door, have an officer there. Do whatever you have to. Get everything on record.
It sucks their mother is nuts. I hope you find a way to protect them.
Regardless if it's a man hitting a woman or a woman hitting a man it's horrible and terrifying to those kids.
I am so sorry you are going through this.
Can you get a trespassing warrant? Order of protection? It is huge abuse for the kids to witness that. You have to do something. Sometimes you can not depend on the system. Depend on yourself so if anything lets those children down it will be you. Bolt lock the door, have an officer there. Do whatever you have to. Get everything on record.
It sucks their mother is nuts. I hope you find a way to protect them.
Regardless if it's a man hitting a woman or a woman hitting a man it's horrible and terrifying to those kids.
I am so sorry you are going through this.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: California
Posts: 164
fff I am so sorry. Please take care of yourself. You have got to do what ever it takes to keep your kids and yourself safe. People do kill their kids in some weird thinking of if I can't have them no one will. Please error on the side of being safe.
On the much easier topic of getting to a meeting. I agree, you should see if your sponser or someone you know in the program can help with child care.
I take part in a book study weekly and this is what some of the people do they do a kind of group child care thing. You never know until you ask, also some meetings don't mind kids is they are quiet.
On the much easier topic of getting to a meeting. I agree, you should see if your sponser or someone you know in the program can help with child care.
I take part in a book study weekly and this is what some of the people do they do a kind of group child care thing. You never know until you ask, also some meetings don't mind kids is they are quiet.
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