tanzanite

Today I went to a beginners Al-Anon meeting. I have been to probably 3 or 4 other "first" meetings before. I never seem to go to more than one or two meetings before I give up. It's just so painful. I made it through the whole meeting, and I actually did talk very briefly. I told everyone that I'm very angry. Angry all the time. Like, why do I have to come to this meeting? I don't want to be here.

I am angry, but I guess I didn't realize how much anger I have. I was getting so antsy and annoyed at the time it was taking for everyone to talk and the chair was so uncomfortable and I was really hot. I just couldn't wait to get out of there! Afterward, I went to a local deli and bought some fried chicken. I ate 4 pieces of fried chicken and a hot fudge sundae when I got home!

I just don't know if I am going to be able to go to meetings. I don't know if I'm going to be able to deal with any of this at all. I guess I will do some literature reading. But I don't want to!

marle

When I first decided to get some help for myself, I found SR. I read and read and read here. I lurked for a long time and then finally introduced myself. The people here are wonderful. I joined back in Feb of '06. I also did a lot of reading. All the addict and codependent books I could get my hands on. In '07 I spent about 6 months with a counselor who specialized in co-dependency. I did not attend my first face to face meeting until the middle of this summer. Some weeks I have to push myself to go because I work and am tired by nighttime. But I go anyway and I find I leave the meetings feeling a lot better than when I went in. What I guess I am trying to say is that don't give up on meetings. They will help when you are ready. It took me a while and I wanted to do it on my own, but it does help to hear others stories and to know you are not alone. Hugs, Marle

Impurrfect

((Tanzanite))

Meetings aren't for everyone, but they do help a lot of people. I've heard it recommended that you go to 6 meetings before making a decision.

I can understand the anger, and not wanting to do meetings or read. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt But, because I didn't want to work on me, I stayed angry, bitter, and depressed.

When I got sick and tired of being angry, hurt, etc., I finally gave up and started working on me. The feelings don't go away until we work on WHY we're feeling that way and walk through it. The hardest part for me, was to realize that I had a part in all that had happened. I could say "he did this to me" all I wanted...fact was, I allowed a big part of it, I enabled, and I tolerated way more than I should have. It took me months to figure out most of my anger was at myself.

I get most of my insight from the great folks here, at SR. I don't go to meetings, haven't read anything lately (but did years ago), but I still learn something here, every day, that helps me.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

hope213

try the meetings. i know it is hard to hear all of the things they are saying but they have gone thru or are going thru the same things as you. keep coming back here also. when i first came to S.R. I COULD NOT BELIVE THE THINGS I WAS TOLD HERE BUT I KEPT COMING BACK. TODAY I AM ONE OF THEM. I DO UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE GOING THRU & HOW HARD IT IS FOR YOU. PRAYERS,

laurie6781

(((((Tanzanite)))))

When I first started attending Alanon I was literally 'ordered' a very STRONG SUGGESTION, lol by my AA sponsor, on my 3rd AA birthday. I couldn't understand why I needed Alanon.

Sure I was married to a 'sober' alcoholic who was developing a gambling problem, but why on earth would I need Alanon.

Well.....................................I didn't like it at first either, sure wasn't an AA meeting, however, I soon came to learn that although AA and the 12 Steps were certainly helping me with how to live without alcohol and drugs, there were still things I needed to learn.

Alanon, helped me to take my eyes totally off of him, it helped me with the 3 C's, and slowly taught me how to figure out what 'my boundaries' were, how to set those 'boundaries' and how to enforce them. Along the way, alanon also helped me greatly with my own low Self Esteem and Self Worth, and put a different perspective on those 12 steps.

Alanon also helped me to figure out why I kept picking these 'abusers' and how to change that also. I finally found out that how I was ON THE INSIDE was 'attracting' others of the same situation and/or problem. As my self worth and self esteem grew my 'picker' got better, much better.

As a result I have been a 'double winner' now for a long time.

If Alanon after 6 or so meetings doesn't seem to be helping then, you might try some one on one therapy, that has also helped many of us.

There is no 'MAGIC CURE' for us. It takes lots of hard work on our own individual parts, but the hurt does get less, and our pickers eventually do get better, lol

Please keep posting and let us know how YOU are doing as we do care very much.

Love and hugs,

tanzanite

Thank you all. I am very grateful for you all and this board. Today was hard. I am hopeful that tomorrow will be better.

mooselips

tanzanite,
I first started attending Alanon in 1995, to "Fix" my brother, and my father.
Then after about 2 years, things settled down, I thought "I had it" and stopped going.

Then...in about 2005, I was falling off the edge of the world when I found out both of my sons were addicts, and started going again.

I'm at the point where I "get" the basic principle, so why keep attending?
I found out a secret....it makes me feel good and I now use the Alanon, and 12 step principles to cope with everyday life, along with my A's. (I think it may be working )

The best part is everytime I attend my meeting, I absolutely, positively know, that topic is directed at me.


Hugs....

hello-kitty

OMG. That sounds like something I would do. Stuff it. :-) I know it's hard but keep moving forward. When we step out of our comfort zone, it is uncomfortable and painful, but it is good for us to push ourselves.

The 12 step principles have helped me turn over a new leaf in my life. They got me started. I don't go anymore. But they sure gave me the forward momentum that I needed. Maybe try reading the book... and focus on WORKING the steps. You know that old saying, if it doesn't work, I can always go back to being miserable.