Babyo622

I am sooo upset and I hate myself that I a feeling this way. I was playing on the computer last night and logged onto a dating site that my exALBF used to be on. And to my surprise his profile was listed. And what is hurting me the most here is what he said in the profile. He wrote how he is looking for the perfect one to fit with him. How he wants a women who is forgiving and not judgement of his ways. OMG!!! Forgiving, like what a slap in the face, I tried so many times with him to forgive his ways etc... Plus he writes how he wants kids and marraige, but when we talked about that with us he was like no I am not ready yet. I don't know what to do and to top it off his profile says it has not been active in over 3 weeks, why? is he already with someone new? My friend thinks this is just another game to get me to react since he can't get through to me any other way....Plus,I met this GREAT man who really wants to date me and I know that this could be a really good thing. Why do I care that he is online, we are not together. I guess the pain that I feel is that he is ready to go find someone new and give them the love he should of given me......

AmpHusky

You know what is best for you, and it isn't the ALBF. I just went through some of the same issues with my exALGF. They just aren't worth the pain. She would say I was judging as well. I think they all have guilt but cannot control there impulse to drink. And they will find somebody who will tolerate it. Then they lower their standards, and the next thing you know is they are having sex to get rid of their pain. It isn't your fault or my fault, it is the drinking and the addiction. I love myself more than her to be apart of her addition. I bet you do too.

You don't want to look back and regret not dating that GREAT man.

Rainbowsend

He's not looking for someone to "give the love that he should have given" you, just another victim to put up with his rubbish. Someone that will accept his behaviours.

My exA played the internet dating game while we were together and when I found out a friend checked his profile. I had to laugh when I saw that he was apparently a social dinker,maybe one or two :-)

splendra

So at least he is telling someone up front that there will be something to forgive. I wonder if they will get the picture???

Don't let this stop you from seeing that great guy...

Freedom1990

Exactly what are you doing to get past the hurt and anger you are still hanging on to?

GrowingPains

"He wrote how he is looking for the perfect one to fit with him. How he wants a women who is forgiving and not judgement of his ways."

That would send me flying in the opposite direction -- HA!

rkymtncowboy

Interesting he is looking for a permanent relationship so soon.
Since I am divorcing I was thinking more casual, I have a lot of damage to fix from my last marriage.
I might get my last job in Oregon back since I won't have the A.

Learning how

Babyo, Sounds like you have taken some steps to move forward and take care of yourself. But after reading his profile you started to listen to that tiny codie voice that lives somewhere in a lot of us that is trying to tell you that you some how failed because you could not make your relationship work, or fix the A or :chatter. fill in the blank.

If you have chosen to move on and not be involved in an Alcoholic relationship then you are doing what is right for you. You are listening to your gut. Its hard to move forward, this recovery thinking is new and takes more effort than following the old codie ways of thinking.

Be strong, focus on you.