What a week
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: atlantic canada
Posts: 42
What a week
I haven't been on the forum for a week now because my ABF was hospitalized with cellulites and it got into his bloodstream...he has been in critical condition until yesterday....to top it off he had to go through the DT's....it's been a nightmare and tonight he was having problems again when I left the hospital...currently he has a raging staph infection that is affecting every organ including his brain....it can lead to meningitis and death
I will admit I have been there most of the week...his daughter came to see him twice for a few minutes....no emotions at all....said what bad timing this was for her to have her dad sick....I wanted to lose it on her but decided to let it go....what's the sense of trying to reach the unreachable...
I told everyone of his friends and family that I would see him through this but if after all this he returns to the bottle I am never going through this again....I would leave and just wait for his obituary in the paper...I hold no hope he will change and want no thanks from him for being with him while in a coma....I know our hospitals are understaffed as I work in the health system so I believe it's important that anyone in a vulnerable state have someone with them in case things go wrong.
Just tonight when I got there he was having great difficulty breathing and his tongue was severely swollen....the nurses were unaware and when I told them they rushed in with oxygen and a shot of steroid to reduce the swelling....his fever was mounting again as well...It was had to leave the hospital tonight but I am exhausted...
I know I may have slipped into my codependent role but I would have had way too much guilt walking away from this situation..
He is so much more than his addiction and God willing he will recover someday....his doctor plans on an intervention when he is better so we shall see...
Good Night all...Now I am going to say a prayer for him.
Peace
Maggie
I will admit I have been there most of the week...his daughter came to see him twice for a few minutes....no emotions at all....said what bad timing this was for her to have her dad sick....I wanted to lose it on her but decided to let it go....what's the sense of trying to reach the unreachable...
I told everyone of his friends and family that I would see him through this but if after all this he returns to the bottle I am never going through this again....I would leave and just wait for his obituary in the paper...I hold no hope he will change and want no thanks from him for being with him while in a coma....I know our hospitals are understaffed as I work in the health system so I believe it's important that anyone in a vulnerable state have someone with them in case things go wrong.
Just tonight when I got there he was having great difficulty breathing and his tongue was severely swollen....the nurses were unaware and when I told them they rushed in with oxygen and a shot of steroid to reduce the swelling....his fever was mounting again as well...It was had to leave the hospital tonight but I am exhausted...
I know I may have slipped into my codependent role but I would have had way too much guilt walking away from this situation..
He is so much more than his addiction and God willing he will recover someday....his doctor plans on an intervention when he is better so we shall see...
Good Night all...Now I am going to say a prayer for him.
Peace
Maggie
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: pa
Posts: 260
Maggie,
My heart goes out to you.
It is difficult to watch someone we love hurting themselves so much.
I went through this also,my AH was hospitalized and his bilrubin kept rising
a tylenol would have killed him at one point.
He came home and drank again after 3 weeks. I thought I would die also.
Things got worse and worse,next a terrible motorcycle accident had him back in the hospital. When his father brought him home,he went into the trunk and tried to sneak some beer into the garage for later.
Right there I truly realized this was so much more powerful than me.
How can you go from dying almost twice to wanting more alcohol?
I always thought this is it,he can't possibly go any lower.
He always managed to...
Finally I did leave him,I couldn't compete with alcohol any longer.
I wish you the best, thanks for helping me remember how powerless I am.
I still sometimes think he should have gotten sober for me and the kids,
it just wasn't meant to be.
He has to do it for himself.
My heart goes out to you.
It is difficult to watch someone we love hurting themselves so much.
I went through this also,my AH was hospitalized and his bilrubin kept rising
a tylenol would have killed him at one point.
He came home and drank again after 3 weeks. I thought I would die also.
Things got worse and worse,next a terrible motorcycle accident had him back in the hospital. When his father brought him home,he went into the trunk and tried to sneak some beer into the garage for later.
Right there I truly realized this was so much more powerful than me.
How can you go from dying almost twice to wanting more alcohol?
I always thought this is it,he can't possibly go any lower.
He always managed to...
Finally I did leave him,I couldn't compete with alcohol any longer.
I wish you the best, thanks for helping me remember how powerless I am.
I still sometimes think he should have gotten sober for me and the kids,
it just wasn't meant to be.
He has to do it for himself.
Looking for the silver lining
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: South Florida
Posts: 243
(((maggie)))....
I can only say that I am praying for both you and him. Try to take care of yourself and don't become exhausted. Eat. Sleep. Pray. Give yourself breaks. You must or you aren't going to be good to yourself or anyone else.
I know that you are upset about his daughter's comment. Remember, despite how awful it is, she is trying to protect herself too. This disease takes no prisoners and sometime the walls one builds are their only weapon against it. Let good recovery tools be your weapon too. Be gentle with yourself.
I can only say that I am praying for both you and him. Try to take care of yourself and don't become exhausted. Eat. Sleep. Pray. Give yourself breaks. You must or you aren't going to be good to yourself or anyone else.
I know that you are upset about his daughter's comment. Remember, despite how awful it is, she is trying to protect herself too. This disease takes no prisoners and sometime the walls one builds are their only weapon against it. Let good recovery tools be your weapon too. Be gentle with yourself.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Originally Posted by Silverberry1331 
I know that you are upset about his daughter's comment. Remember, despite how awful it is, she is trying to protect herself too. This disease takes no prisoners and sometime the walls one builds are their only weapon against it. .
I'm sorry you're going through this, maggie, but it must be what you feel you have to do. I hope you are able to find some time to focus on your own needs and your own recovery. Hoping he finds his way too.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: atlantic canada
Posts: 42
Thank everyone for your prayers...I am sitting here at 6 am crying my fool head off....I waiver between hope and despair and I am so scared...he is undergoing more tests to find out why he has no fine motor skills....he can not swallow...he can not speak clearly as he can't seem to control his tongue....he can not move his hands or fingers...now wiggle his toes...
His urine is blood red....he screams in pain when moved....he doesn't remember me...
This has brought me to my knees in prayer in the hope and desperation of finding strength...
I have begged his brother to come help out at the hospital...instead he spent his weekend off drinking with his girlfriend and painting his deck all the while telling everyone that my ABF was going to be okay....then Monday he calls me and he is standing outside the doctor's office trying to get in to demand answers as to why his brother is not awake yet....he apparently also went to the hospital and was belligerent to the wonderful staff who have given their all to care for my ABF....the doctor later told me she did not return his calls because in her mind he may be listed as next of kin but she prefers to speak to me as I have been involved in his care...
I told his brother that if he wanted to ask questions the doctor does her rounds in the early morning and to be at the hospital then.....that he was not being helpful to his brother by causing a scene....he then started screaming at me that he works and can't be there...
To be honest in that moment I lost it....I informed him that his brother is seriously ill....should not be left alone as he chokes easily and that I have been putting in 12 to 16 hour days there...have taken time off work at times and when I do work I go three times a day to a hospital 30 miles away from where I live and work.....I am alone in all this and that something has to give....I need help! and then I hung up...
I found out later that he had taken the day off that day and never once spent 5 minutes with his brother....he is the only family he has...
Yesterday...late afternoon I went to my employer again for time off and it was granted so I don't have to worry about work until at least Monday....my ABF was a police officer for 27 years and he may have benefits that include a sitter or private nurse....I am going to have the social worker at the hospital check into it...my Mom may drive up to help out too(she is 70 years old and lives 2 hours away)
Anyway thanks for letting me pour out my tears...
Peace everyone
Maggie
His urine is blood red....he screams in pain when moved....he doesn't remember me...
This has brought me to my knees in prayer in the hope and desperation of finding strength...
I have begged his brother to come help out at the hospital...instead he spent his weekend off drinking with his girlfriend and painting his deck all the while telling everyone that my ABF was going to be okay....then Monday he calls me and he is standing outside the doctor's office trying to get in to demand answers as to why his brother is not awake yet....he apparently also went to the hospital and was belligerent to the wonderful staff who have given their all to care for my ABF....the doctor later told me she did not return his calls because in her mind he may be listed as next of kin but she prefers to speak to me as I have been involved in his care...
I told his brother that if he wanted to ask questions the doctor does her rounds in the early morning and to be at the hospital then.....that he was not being helpful to his brother by causing a scene....he then started screaming at me that he works and can't be there...
To be honest in that moment I lost it....I informed him that his brother is seriously ill....should not be left alone as he chokes easily and that I have been putting in 12 to 16 hour days there...have taken time off work at times and when I do work I go three times a day to a hospital 30 miles away from where I live and work.....I am alone in all this and that something has to give....I need help! and then I hung up...
I found out later that he had taken the day off that day and never once spent 5 minutes with his brother....he is the only family he has...
Yesterday...late afternoon I went to my employer again for time off and it was granted so I don't have to worry about work until at least Monday....my ABF was a police officer for 27 years and he may have benefits that include a sitter or private nurse....I am going to have the social worker at the hospital check into it...my Mom may drive up to help out too(she is 70 years old and lives 2 hours away)
Anyway thanks for letting me pour out my tears...
Peace everyone
Maggie
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
You are both in my prayers and thoughts. So is his brother who is obviously sick, sick, sick to behave so erratically. May you have all the strength you need now and in the future for all you have to bear with.
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