Why couldn't he get sober here?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 530
Why couldn't he get sober here?
So after the second DUI and now me fighting him for custody and child support does AH get sober. Or supposedly sober.
He was drunk all weekend and most weeknights for months. Made everyones life a living hell. The DUI happens, I find out about the other woman and kick him out.
Now he seems sober as a judge. Now he is fighting me for joint custody of the baby and acts like life is great this way and how happy he is. Makes me really believe that maybe it was our relationship that led him to drink. Why couldn't he do that here and be the husband/father that we needed?
Why am I feeling so sad about this? All I ever wanted was for him to get sober and have a real family like we promised our kids and baby. Now he is sober, but just at his own place and fighting for the baby.
He was drunk all weekend and most weeknights for months. Made everyones life a living hell. The DUI happens, I find out about the other woman and kick him out.
Now he seems sober as a judge. Now he is fighting me for joint custody of the baby and acts like life is great this way and how happy he is. Makes me really believe that maybe it was our relationship that led him to drink. Why couldn't he do that here and be the husband/father that we needed?
Why am I feeling so sad about this? All I ever wanted was for him to get sober and have a real family like we promised our kids and baby. Now he is sober, but just at his own place and fighting for the baby.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Sweetie I doubt if he is sober, maybe DRY but certainly not sober, or his ACTIONS would not be what they are.
Make sure your attorney get's the DUI's entered in the court record when the custody hearing does occur.
I M H O he is still QUACKING. You know what QUACKING I'm talking about, every time they open their mouth it is quacking, lol
This is the 'sick alcoholic mind' trying to get back at you, because you kicked him out.
Please get to Alanon, talk about this there, you will have great face to face support in addition to here on SR.
Having been on both sides of the street, I can tell you that a practicing or dry alkie can be, and in many cases will be very 'vindictive and manipulative' and will do everything they can think of to drive their former partner (the one who took their nice 'cushy' spot away from them) crazy and keep them on the Roller Coaster ride and doing the Dance.
You have the choice today NOT TO PARTICIPATE. Take care of YOU and your child.
J M H O
Keep posting, we are here for you and do care very much.
Love and hugs,
Make sure your attorney get's the DUI's entered in the court record when the custody hearing does occur.
I M H O he is still QUACKING. You know what QUACKING I'm talking about, every time they open their mouth it is quacking, lol
This is the 'sick alcoholic mind' trying to get back at you, because you kicked him out.
Please get to Alanon, talk about this there, you will have great face to face support in addition to here on SR.
Having been on both sides of the street, I can tell you that a practicing or dry alkie can be, and in many cases will be very 'vindictive and manipulative' and will do everything they can think of to drive their former partner (the one who took their nice 'cushy' spot away from them) crazy and keep them on the Roller Coaster ride and doing the Dance.
You have the choice today NOT TO PARTICIPATE. Take care of YOU and your child.
J M H O
Keep posting, we are here for you and do care very much.
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 596
Why? Because he is still doing what A's do best.... looking out for himself. He wanted a wife, then he wanted to drink, then he wanted an affair and now he wants to fight you for custody. These folks don't give much thought to the carnage they leave behind.
My suggestion to you is that you take a page out of his book and start looking out as much for yourself as he is looking out for himself. Realize that your outlook is bright, despite having to go through this divorce. If he's not truly committed to his sobriety, he'll be putting the new chick through the same chaos he put you through. About that time, you'll start experiencing life without an A running roughshod through it. I bet at that point, there's no way you'd invite that hell back into your life and you'll be wondering why you put up with it as long as you did. If he can't stay sober, he'll be crying his eyes out begging for you to take him back.
The split may appear to be selfish on his part and you may be hurting, but you could also look at it like he's doing you a favor. He's setting you free from the hell he generates.
Take care of yourself and your baby. Leopards don't change their spots easily. I really doubt since he's been able to have an affair plus drink, that he's going to be able to maintain. That's just my guess. But when someone commits to not drinking, it's not usually wise to jump into new relationships or out of existing ones. Sorta like asking for trouble.
My suggestion to you is that you take a page out of his book and start looking out as much for yourself as he is looking out for himself. Realize that your outlook is bright, despite having to go through this divorce. If he's not truly committed to his sobriety, he'll be putting the new chick through the same chaos he put you through. About that time, you'll start experiencing life without an A running roughshod through it. I bet at that point, there's no way you'd invite that hell back into your life and you'll be wondering why you put up with it as long as you did. If he can't stay sober, he'll be crying his eyes out begging for you to take him back.
The split may appear to be selfish on his part and you may be hurting, but you could also look at it like he's doing you a favor. He's setting you free from the hell he generates.
Take care of yourself and your baby. Leopards don't change their spots easily. I really doubt since he's been able to have an affair plus drink, that he's going to be able to maintain. That's just my guess. But when someone commits to not drinking, it's not usually wise to jump into new relationships or out of existing ones. Sorta like asking for trouble.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by respektingme 
Take care of yourself and your baby. Leopards don't change their spots easily. I really doubt since he's been able to have an affair plus drink, that he's going to be able to maintain. That's just my guess. But when someone commits to not drinking, it's not usually wise to jump into new relationships or out of existing ones. Sorta like asking for trouble.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
Makes me really believe that maybe it was our relationship that led him to drink
Do. Not. Go. There.
If that were true then we would have the power to make them stop too right?
It is not possible. No one made him drink, ever, ever, ever, except himself. Believe it!
Peace,
B.
Do. Not. Go. There.
If that were true then we would have the power to make them stop too right?
It is not possible. No one made him drink, ever, ever, ever, except himself. Believe it!
Peace,
B.
Seeking Peace and Serenity
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Rocky Mountain
Posts: 38
Yup, took me along time to get over the guilt of alchoholic relationships; especially since I thought they were drinking to punish me. Now that I know that it is their problem to work through and I didn't cause it or can't control it. That was a load off the mind.
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