New to this in every way. . .
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Chattanooga, TN
Posts: 3
New to this in every way. . .
Just wanted to introduce myself real quick. Well, not real quick, per se. Just. . .well, anyway~:-p
I guess I can't give names here, but call me Hogosha. I've got a pill problem, an addiction that's gone on since middle school. That makes it thirteen years.
It's not a conventional addiction, if there's such a thing. It isn't the effect I'm looking for; I simply don't care what I take. If I see a pill, I take it. It doesn't matter what it is, whether I know or not what it is, or I DO know what it is and that it causes problems.
Throughout high school I took Benadryl to sleep. Only very recently have I realized I've used it because it induces a sort of drunken feeling. I'm so past the point of getting the correct effect that I don't even know if it EVER helped me sleep in the first place. I don't take it anymore. There were also diet pills in high school that gave me severe tachycardia (racing heart), shortness of breath and insomnia. I despised that effect. I took them every so often, though, just because I saw them when I went to get gas (fuel, not Taco Bell).
When I started working at my last job, a veterinary clinic, I had easy access to Ultram (tramadol). I took it once for a headache, and that was all it took. I kept taking ever-increasing amounts until a night months later when my heart nearly stopped.
I've been on medication for bipolar disorder for years now. Seven days ago I took ten Excedrin (which I've been taking just for the sake of taking). No reason, I was just sitting around, and they were there. I went into the bathroom on the way to bed and ate six melatonin, a sleep hormone. Hormone overdose can be deadly, so it wasn't the greatest idea, but hey. I'm apparently not the most logical man on the planet.
Last night, having ditched all of the non-prescription pills in the house, I took eight Lamictal, a mood stabilizer and anti-seizure medication (I use it for mood stabilization). I'm prescribed 300 mg. a day; I took 800 last night. An ambulance had to come. My heart nearly stopped, I was incoherent and I was at high risk for a seizure.
I didn't do it to get high. I just did it because they were there.
I need help. I don't want to live like this, and if it keeps going this way, I won't live much longer anyway. I don't want to die, nor do I want to hurt myself. I'm in a generally good mood as long as I have access to corny horror movies and popcorn, and I don't have to watch soap operas at work because the boss loves them.
I've come here because I know I'm not the only one. I hope I can find ways to get help, and to end this cycle. It being a wonder I'm alive today, I think it's probably time to take care of this.
--H
I guess I can't give names here, but call me Hogosha. I've got a pill problem, an addiction that's gone on since middle school. That makes it thirteen years.
It's not a conventional addiction, if there's such a thing. It isn't the effect I'm looking for; I simply don't care what I take. If I see a pill, I take it. It doesn't matter what it is, whether I know or not what it is, or I DO know what it is and that it causes problems.
Throughout high school I took Benadryl to sleep. Only very recently have I realized I've used it because it induces a sort of drunken feeling. I'm so past the point of getting the correct effect that I don't even know if it EVER helped me sleep in the first place. I don't take it anymore. There were also diet pills in high school that gave me severe tachycardia (racing heart), shortness of breath and insomnia. I despised that effect. I took them every so often, though, just because I saw them when I went to get gas (fuel, not Taco Bell).
When I started working at my last job, a veterinary clinic, I had easy access to Ultram (tramadol). I took it once for a headache, and that was all it took. I kept taking ever-increasing amounts until a night months later when my heart nearly stopped.
I've been on medication for bipolar disorder for years now. Seven days ago I took ten Excedrin (which I've been taking just for the sake of taking). No reason, I was just sitting around, and they were there. I went into the bathroom on the way to bed and ate six melatonin, a sleep hormone. Hormone overdose can be deadly, so it wasn't the greatest idea, but hey. I'm apparently not the most logical man on the planet.
Last night, having ditched all of the non-prescription pills in the house, I took eight Lamictal, a mood stabilizer and anti-seizure medication (I use it for mood stabilization). I'm prescribed 300 mg. a day; I took 800 last night. An ambulance had to come. My heart nearly stopped, I was incoherent and I was at high risk for a seizure.
I didn't do it to get high. I just did it because they were there.
I need help. I don't want to live like this, and if it keeps going this way, I won't live much longer anyway. I don't want to die, nor do I want to hurt myself. I'm in a generally good mood as long as I have access to corny horror movies and popcorn, and I don't have to watch soap operas at work because the boss loves them.
I've come here because I know I'm not the only one. I hope I can find ways to get help, and to end this cycle. It being a wonder I'm alive today, I think it's probably time to take care of this.
--H
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
We'll help you get and stay clean the best way we can. Also check out the Substance Abuser thread.
I'm glad you made the decision to stop taking all the pills. YOu're in the right place for love and support.
Welcome!!
I'm glad you made the decision to stop taking all the pills. YOu're in the right place for love and support.
Welcome!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: MA.
Posts: 1,719
Welcome to SR...
December will be two years that I have not used medication...I was addicted to pain killers...I then took up drinking in its' place...After a near death experience, I quit drinking...My life has so much meaning today...
Keep po:ghug2sting, we are happy you found us...
December will be two years that I have not used medication...I was addicted to pain killers...I then took up drinking in its' place...After a near death experience, I quit drinking...My life has so much meaning today...
Keep po:ghug2sting, we are happy you found us...
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: SE and then South some more
Posts: 2,648
I think it would be awesome if maybe you could check out a treatment program where you can do an out-patient thing. It seems like you know the deal however there is so much to learn about why we do what we do. It's for the affect, at least it was for me, and to the point where that just didn't work any more. It was live or die for me too and I want to live. I have two beautiful boys that deserve a better mom than that and I'm sure you've got people that love you too!!!!! We want you alive 
Glad you're here and this place is great. Tons of support and people here with lot's of experience to share. Good luck!!!!
Glad you're here and this place is great. Tons of support and people here with lot's of experience to share. Good luck!!!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 486
Welcome to SR and sorry to hear about your problem.
I would suggest talking to a Dr. face to face and be honest with them about what you are doing. You might benefit from NA, a psychologist, an addiction specialist or a general medical doctor or all of the above. Inpatient treatment might be a good idea as well.
The desire to quit is where you want to start and you have that. Now take the next step which is the action step; ask for help.
Keep posting and thanks for sharing.
I would suggest talking to a Dr. face to face and be honest with them about what you are doing. You might benefit from NA, a psychologist, an addiction specialist or a general medical doctor or all of the above. Inpatient treatment might be a good idea as well.
The desire to quit is where you want to start and you have that. Now take the next step which is the action step; ask for help.
Keep posting and thanks for sharing.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 1,733
Hi Hogosha,
Welcome to our site. It really helps to talk and listen to other people who "get" addiction. I'm an alcoholic (clean from that 61 days today) and pain pills are my "thing." Don't really care for anything else but those two substances but I understand the compulsive part. The constant nagging that if you take something maybe it will balance out a negative feeling or just the thought you might have a negative feeling. Just to feel different than you do sober/clean. Anyway, Welcome again. That was a very honest and insightful post about your addiction. Thank you for posting it.
Welcome to our site. It really helps to talk and listen to other people who "get" addiction. I'm an alcoholic (clean from that 61 days today) and pain pills are my "thing." Don't really care for anything else but those two substances but I understand the compulsive part. The constant nagging that if you take something maybe it will balance out a negative feeling or just the thought you might have a negative feeling. Just to feel different than you do sober/clean. Anyway, Welcome again. That was a very honest and insightful post about your addiction. Thank you for posting it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: richmond,va
Posts: 307
it can be done.you can do this !! you are worth it..theres a life awaiting you thats worth it.one day at a time ..after yrs and yrs of the bull..i did it..check out the posts ask questions..welcome..:ghug
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Langley, BC
Posts: 1,007
Welcome H!!
You've found a great place to come for support, advice, people to listen to and people who will listen to you. (venting is always welcome)
there are lots of people going through what you are........I am one of them. I have struggled with addiction off and on (more on than off, but I like to throw that "off" in there anyway...lol) since I was maybe 12 or 13. The worst of it in the last few years,..and the worst of it due to pills. I know it's not easy, but I also know from talking to others on here that it CAN be done........and I really want to be one of the ones who get through it.
you can too keep posting and let us know how you're doing. (no more ambulance rides though k?)
do you have a plan in place to start getting yourself better?
take care, hope your night's going ok
Krista
You've found a great place to come for support, advice, people to listen to and people who will listen to you. (venting is always welcome
)there are lots of people going through what you are........I am one of them. I have struggled with addiction off and on (more on than off, but I like to throw that "off" in there anyway...lol) since I was maybe 12 or 13. The worst of it in the last few years,..and the worst of it due to pills. I know it's not easy, but I also know from talking to others on here that it CAN be done........and I really want to be one of the ones who get through it.
you can too
keep posting and let us know how you're doing. (no more ambulance rides though k?) do you have a plan in place to start getting yourself better?
take care, hope your night's going ok
Krista
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