coming_clean

day 1

More then six weeks ago I had a relapse. Now I'm back, and this is my first day again, sober.
I don't really know what triggered the relapse. All I know is that the last six weeks, I just couldn't convince myself it was neccesary to go back to the first step again.
I can't live on only to destroy myself, there must be more in life. I know there is more. It just seems hidden at the moment.

Anyways, i'm keeping this thread to track my recovery. Now I'm going to clean up the house a bit, before I head off to work. It has become quite a mess during the relapse.

sobriety is such a fragile thing.

espresso

Great to hear you are sober today. You can do this!

lisa1235

welcome back!! ditto espresso..couldnt say it better myself..:ghug3

Aysha

Keep trying.

grateful2b

CC, I am so *glad*you are back

:bounce

back in the saddle...good place to be, keep the faith, buddy...and keep on keeping on... Grateful

Horselover

Glad you've returned and you said it best when you said, "sobriety is such a fragile thing."

Again, welcome back!!

bostonluv

Yes it is. Glad you're sober today. One day at a time.....

coming_clean

day 1

It continues. I worked my ass today. Anything but being focused on myself and my addicition. I did smoke two sigs, only to kill the cravings, and so far it worked, stayed low on the cafaine intake as well.

Hopefully this is a fresh new start!

thanks for all the replies...

coming_clean

day 2,

I made it past the first day. That's one hell of a start. Straight away I can feel a difference in how I woke up, more energetic and less numb. I slept better too, deeper.
I have the first few hours off this day off, so i'm going to start my day with working out. Then i'm gonna work from 12:00 to 17:00. And then, i don't know what i'm gonna do. There is a lot that has to be done, and a lot that I want to do. So there is no room for drugs, it just isn't there, or money lol.
This six weeks relapse had costed me a fortune. Nothing serieus thank god, i still can pay all the buys and eat etc. but I could have saved up quite a nice amount. Too bad I smoked it all away.

no sigs or drugs today.

with love,

coming_clean

day 4,

It's unbelievable how deep this relapse six weeks before has been. All it ever took me was one drag of a joint. Just one.
I'm proper sober again, altough I still feel kinda numb. I sweat a lot during my sleep and I get easily agitated by little unimportant things.
All I try to do at the moment is keeping busy and not thinking about everything so much.

grateful2b

yeah, CC, staying out of your head is good
keep on keeping on...

coming_clean

day 2,

I feel like a bouncing ball..... relapse, one to four days sober....relapse....etc...etc.....boing....boing.. ...boing.....

gotta go!

my love for you guys....you truely are the greatest!

grateful2b

thats okay, buddy....remember the only failure is not trying...easy does it..

coming_clean

day three, sober

Today I'm having a day off, playing videogames with my girlfriend, a little bit of excersising and doing nothing. No real detox-effects for now, that's a good thing. Grateful.

bostonluv

Thanks for this thread. It reminds me we are all on day ONE if we live one day at a time. Sometimes the numbers game can be pointless. One day. Today. That's it. That's all we have to do, which is a relief..........