Letting you know Im still around..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Gisborne New Zealand
Posts: 539
Letting you know Im still around..
I had a relasp last week back on antibuse feeling better. My councellor says untilll I finaly find what I truely want Im going to be like this . The thing is I have no idea what I want??? What am I suppose to want?? Im confused Im happier at the moment as oppessed to last year and ok I had a slip which Im not dwelling on ok I posted the day after I had a slip feeling sorry for myself. I know what I would like but its not possible beacause Ive proved it all the time I CANT DRINK NORMALLY I CANT!!! why the hell am I holding on to that???!!!. I miss it as I did enjoy it even tho it ruined my life!!!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,380
hey Ang - yeah that's the hurdle - not only realising we're alcoholics, but accepting it - truly accepting it.
Somewhere along the way I stopped resenting the fact I couldn't drink, but I still get feelings where I sometimes miss it.
But I have to tell myself that the pictures in my head of the great times I'm missing aren't a true picture - if I ever had good times (and that's debatable) I've drunk myself past them - drinking for me now is sadness, anger, remorse, embarrassment and getting sick.
Just think of the life you want Ang - you know you can never have that with drinking, right?
we're all here for you
I'm glad you've posted
D
Somewhere along the way I stopped resenting the fact I couldn't drink, but I still get feelings where I sometimes miss it.
But I have to tell myself that the pictures in my head of the great times I'm missing aren't a true picture - if I ever had good times (and that's debatable) I've drunk myself past them - drinking for me now is sadness, anger, remorse, embarrassment and getting sick.
Just think of the life you want Ang - you know you can never have that with drinking, right?
we're all here for you
I'm glad you've posted
D
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
"I miss it as I did enjoy it even tho it ruined my life!!!"
Boy can I relate to that statement Angie. I could have written that and I am sure a lot of others could have to. I don't like to follow Dee's posts because they are a lot wiser then mine. LOL!
Any ways, I just wanted you to know I feel the same way about it, but for me I can't go back. I have to sometimes fight it minute by minute, but it does pass. Some days I noticed everything drink related - the beer ads on tv, the people drinking wine in the books I read . . . I asked my husband yesterday why it seems the whole world can drink, why can't I? His response is the whole world doesn't drink and why don't you log onto SR. It worked by the way.
There's my 2 cents for what its worth. I am also very glad you posted and hope you will reach out any and every time you need to.
Boy can I relate to that statement Angie. I could have written that and I am sure a lot of others could have to. I don't like to follow Dee's posts because they are a lot wiser then mine. LOL!
Any ways, I just wanted you to know I feel the same way about it, but for me I can't go back. I have to sometimes fight it minute by minute, but it does pass. Some days I noticed everything drink related - the beer ads on tv, the people drinking wine in the books I read . . . I asked my husband yesterday why it seems the whole world can drink, why can't I? His response is the whole world doesn't drink and why don't you log onto SR. It worked by the way.
There's my 2 cents for what its worth. I am also very glad you posted and hope you will reach out any and every time you need to.
Im a stuborn little tart I no that lol. Feeling good today and I know that Im not drinking today not worrying about tomorrow thats another day thats too far away
We Do Recover
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,619
Originally Posted by angie9 
I have no idea what I want??? What am I suppose to want??
For me, I wanted to live more than I wanted to die--that was what my life had come to toward the end of my drinking--I was killing myself a little bit each day by the amount of booze I was pouring into my body. I had to find a willingness to live before I could change. I hope you don't have to go so far down as I did. Welcome--glad you are back.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,760
I understand the frustration "what am I supposed to want?" I'm 57 yrs old and STILL don't know what I want to be when I 'grow up'.
I too used to want to drink normally, like normal social drinkers, but it took me a while to admit the truth - that I wasn't a 'normal' drinker and never would be. Once I admitted the truth to myself I had an easier time of staying sober and wanting to stay sober.
I hope you can come to terms with your addiction and come to the point where you can be happy with sobriety and not feel that you're 'missing' something.
Hang in there and keep posting your feelings. It really helps to let them out so they don't poison you.
:ghug3
I too used to want to drink normally, like normal social drinkers, but it took me a while to admit the truth - that I wasn't a 'normal' drinker and never would be. Once I admitted the truth to myself I had an easier time of staying sober and wanting to stay sober.
I hope you can come to terms with your addiction and come to the point where you can be happy with sobriety and not feel that you're 'missing' something.
Hang in there and keep posting your feelings. It really helps to let them out so they don't poison you.
:ghug3
IO Storm
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern California
Posts: 18,436
Others may not agree with me Ang, but I believe relapses are a learning
experiment. And, it follows they are an integral part of the recovery
process. If, and this is the big "if" for all of us. If you make it back.
That's the gamble I took every time I went out.
Drinking with a cirrhotic liver, drinking and driving..on and on...
I don't know the dangers of drinking on Antabuse.
But stay with us Angie! I am so glad I didn't give up.
Just don't give up.
Hugs.
experiment. And, it follows they are an integral part of the recovery
process. If, and this is the big "if" for all of us. If you make it back.
That's the gamble I took every time I went out.
Drinking with a cirrhotic liver, drinking and driving..on and on...
I don't know the dangers of drinking on Antabuse.
But stay with us Angie! I am so glad I didn't give up.
Just don't give up.
Hugs.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,299
Hey ang,
Letting go of the fact we can't drink normally can take a while for some of us.I know it took me ages.I just didn't want to be an alcoholic-but the only way out for me was to accept that I was and surrender. I relapsed countless times-but with every one I learned something too.I'm not saying it's necessary to relapse but for me it seemed to be part of the process.I'm hoping I won't again, but I can only do this by focusing on today.If i think too far ahead I feel overwhelmed.
I know you can do this.You're stronger than you realise
Julesxox
Letting go of the fact we can't drink normally can take a while for some of us.I know it took me ages.I just didn't want to be an alcoholic-but the only way out for me was to accept that I was and surrender. I relapsed countless times-but with every one I learned something too.I'm not saying it's necessary to relapse but for me it seemed to be part of the process.I'm hoping I won't again, but I can only do this by focusing on today.If i think too far ahead I feel overwhelmed.
I know you can do this.You're stronger than you realise
Julesxox
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
