KERRYZZME

Right now it feels as thou my whole world its crashing down. This is the first time that I have felt hopeless and utterly empty inside while clean and sober.
I have went thru sooo many changes in the last 6 weeks, here are just some of them.
Daughter moving in with me, moving out of my apt, (leaving husband and stepson behind, for now), moving in with my mother, my mother is very ill and needs help, changing jobs, my daughter changing schools(she hates it),
changing home group and new meetings, loosing my sponsor, my daughter revealed she has tried drugs before(thats why she moved in with me now ), my step son has gotten in serious trouble, and the list could go on...........
Using and drinking are not options at this point and I am going to a meeting a day, I just feel so so numb inside, so defeated, overwelmed. I want to cry, yell/scream, and cry some more. I have shared about it, write about it, but it just feels like nothings working. I feel separated from the program and my higher power even thou I pray everyday, some times almost all day just to keep my composure close to a functioning human being for my daughter's sake.
I just want to shut down from everyone and everything.
I have felt like this when I was active in my disease, also When I was a dry drunk..... but NEVER have I felt like this when I am going to meetings, working with others, sharing about it, having commitments, writting and doing my steps, regularly!!!!
I feel so bad right now. I tried to take a long walk, talk about it, help someone else, even sleep... but I just sit here and stare into space with blank thoughts in my mind, overloaded, totally numb, tears just rolling down my cheeks.
I hope it goes away.... deep down I know it gets better, I just do not feel it right now, and I hate it so much.
I really needed to post this cuz there is nobody I want to talk to right now. No one at all.
Thank you for letting me share.

RaptorRed

Over the last two months of my sobriety I have to constantly remind myself that "this too shall pass" and then as easy as it may sound, I also say the Serenity prayer. That always seems to relieve a little bit of my insanity.

It seems that you are definitely going through a lot. Remember, you are strong because you are able to see your difficulties and ask for help. It will be that same strength that gets you through this.

- RR

Aysha

That is a whole lot to deal with. Especially without an artificial escape. Instant relief.
But sometimes..You gotta just roll with the punches and just do the best you can and let the rest fall where it does.
Just stay the course and know it isnt always going to be like this.
HUGS

Dee74

OK I'm not AA but I think the biggest lesson I had to learn was sobriety is not a magic wand...it doesn't magically make things better...but it makes me a better person, and one who can handle whatever life throws at him without having to run and hide

hang in there - there's 24/7 support here
:ghug3
D

Impurrfect

(((Kerryzzme)))

You really do have a lot going on and I'm sorry you're struggling, but GOOD FOR YOU for realizing drinking is not an option.

I've had days (okay weeks) when I think if one more thing happens, I'm going to stay in bed and withdraw from the world. My prayer becomes really simple.."I can't do this...help me out, here".

The answer to my prayer is rarely immediate, but it does come. You're doing all the right things, but I think you are probably exhausted...mentally AND physically. Any way you can just get a few hours to relax, do something nice for you...you really do deserve it.

I used to hate the saying "this, too, shall pass" because I'm impatient and I don't want to wait. But tough times really DO pass, and we are so much stronger and healthier when we get to the other side.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

IO Storm

Kerzzy..

You have just gone through major changes in a very short period of time.

change in a relationship

moving

change of employment

These are in the top 5 stressors...that can affect a person mentally and

emotionally. Anyone would feel overwhelmed , tired, and numb.

Don't feel guilty. Just do what is in front of you right now, and try to

not think too much. Do not allow feelings of inadequacy overtake you!

You will get through it. One hour, one day at a time...

Hugs, and prayers dear.

KERRYZZME

Wow, thank you for all the support, It means alot to me.

least

I too hate to hear "this too shall pass", even tho I know it's true. You have been going thru a lot of changes and that's reason enough for feeling stressed and depressed. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, and hope you find some peace of mind soon.

:ghug3

mxchaos

I 've had those feels but don't have all the things you have going on. If it doesn't settle down I'd call my doc.

KarenOskie

Hugs to you Kerry. No wonder you feel overwhelmed, you are overwhelmed! It's wonderful that you know drinking is not an option. It sounds like you're doing really, really well. Not feeling really well, of course, but you're doing what you have to do and hanging in there. You are such an inspiration! To me, and to your daughter, too. Thanks for posting that here. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Toomutch

So much happening in such a small amount of time, I am so sorry you are going through so much change all at once.

I think your mind is trying to catch up with everything, and having a hard time processing all of this, and perhaps that is whay you are feeling the way you are.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Congrats on your sober time.

Anna

Kerry,

It sounds like you're taking care of yourself and you'll get through this. I have found times in recovery when I have felt overwhelmed too. I have had times when I felt like I was just stuck and frustrated about it. For me, it usually means that some kind of breakthrough will come along and I will feel better.

nogard

lesson that took the longest for me to learn and the one that had the biggest impact was learning to be good to myself while I go through all this learning and even more important while I go through all this unlearning.

Kevin