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Am I In Recovery too?

Old 09-17-2008, 09:03 PM
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Am I In Recovery too?

It just occurred to me to ask perhaps a foolish question, and yes I know that there are no foolish questions per se, but as the wife of an addict who is trying, sometimes successfully, to recover, is there a parallel experience like recovery for those who are not addicts but who also are going through stuff because their loved one is an addict or trying to recover from active using? What helps this process? Where I live there is no support group for family members of substance abusers within reasonable driving distance and I live in a small town.
I still feel like I am underwater.
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Old 09-17-2008, 09:14 PM
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My experience has pretty much been on the addict side of the fence sunnigirl, but yeah - I very much believe you need some recoverin' too - that's why we have Al Anon

Have you checked out our Family and Friends Forum?
That might be the place to go for specific info on stuff like this

D
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Old 09-17-2008, 09:31 PM
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I absolutely believe non addicts go through recovery.

I know alot of codependants that get just as sick...if not sicker than the addict.
So my opinion is yes..
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Old 09-17-2008, 09:40 PM
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I absolutely agree. Many times the loved ones of the addicts go through more pain than the addict themselves. More worry, more guilt, more everything.
Especially if you are co-dependent - that takes a lot of recovery in order to modify your behaviour so that you can be healthy again too :-).
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Old 09-17-2008, 09:59 PM
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I don't think I am codependent. When I found out he was using, I confronted him and told him I would help him if he was in recovery, but not if he was using. Pretty much have stuck with that, but one thing I haven't done is told his family he relapsed. I also removed his access to money I made, etc. so maybe there are some codie habits lurking.
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Old 09-17-2008, 10:05 PM
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If his use has affected you. Then I am sure you have some issues to deal with too. You dont have to be a full blown codie.
Its hard I would imagine to watch soemone you love do that to themselves. And then I am sure there are a whole lot of other things that comeup as well.

Addicts rarely only affect themselves in addiction.
I know I drug everyone around me down intot he depths of hell with me.

HUGS...
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Old 09-17-2008, 10:06 PM
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Sounds like you are doing all fo the right things :-). Just be strong and make sure you mean them and follow through.

Other than that, be good to yourself!!! You have to recover too.
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Old 09-17-2008, 10:54 PM
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(((Sunnigirl)))

I am a codie (codependent), so I feel I am in codie recovery as well as addiction recovery (crack).

As Dee said, there is a forum for friends/family of substance abusers, and there are a lot of people over there going through similar situations.

It sounds like you are doing the right things, but I know it's still hard. Addiction is a family disease, and anyone who loves an addict is affected in some way.

Many people find help in al-anon, no matter what substance their A (addict) uses, and maybe you can find a meeting.

Whether you find a meeting or not, the support here is awesome and we're here 24/7.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy
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Old 09-18-2008, 07:12 AM
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hello sunni,

i'm the mom of an alcoholic/addict and YES! our codependency can very much mirror the same patterns of the person's addiction. just like the person addicted struggles to take their selves away from the drink/drug, we have trouble taking our eyes/focus off the person and their addiction. our thoughts and behaviors can get just as irrational and chaotic as our loved one's. believe me, i have been there!

when we start taking our hands off the addict and quit trying to control the addiction, we start recovering.

if you can't get to an alanon meeting, keep reaching out here. and go to the alanon website and order some of the literature to read.

hugs, and i hope this helps. k
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Old 09-18-2008, 11:08 AM
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Good question and sorry to hear that there are no Al Anon meetings near you.

You are going through recovery. My wife attends Al Anon solely because she is recovering from my actions. As an alcoholic, my actions affect more than myself but until we are in full recovery, we are too selfish to see that.

Maybe check out the Al Anon website for online literature
Welcome to Al-Anon and Alateen

Keeping them Sober is a book that my wife has which is apparently pretty good.

Keep reading and posting here and also you should check out the friends and family section.

Hope that helps.

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Old 09-18-2008, 11:58 AM
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is there a parallel experience like recovery for those who are not addicts but who also are going through stuff because their loved one is an addict or trying to recover from active using?
Absolutely! I've heard it said that, for every addict/alcoholic, there are at least five other people affected by their disease...family, friends, co-workers, etc.

In addition to Al-Anon, there are Nar-Anon meetings for family/friends of the addict. In the meantime, you will get plenty of support here.
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Old 09-18-2008, 12:21 PM
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Definitely. A lot of areas I've noticed don't have as much face to face support for families and friends of addicts. In Chicago (I may be wrong, this is just what I know from their website) there's only one Nar-Anon meeting a week- compared to maybe 50+ NA meetings.
Sometimes I visit an online Nar-Anon group (it helps keep me from killing addicts I have to work with and also look some at my past interactions within my family.)

Happy to pass that along if you want, let me know.
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Old 09-18-2008, 07:51 PM
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everyone needs different things and even in recovery there are many ways but really one path.

Best to keep an open mind and try a few things.

Kevin
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Old 09-18-2008, 08:06 PM
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Welcome Sunni to a loving and supportive place. Do check out Families and Friends forum. I'm sorry also that there are no meetings where you live, but as was already said, we're a great place for support and we're open 24/7. I hope you can find what you need to make your recovery meaningful and easier to bear.

:ghug3

Welcome again!!
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Old 09-19-2008, 09:36 PM
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Thank you all for your support - I do check in here and this is my support. I appreciate all your many kindnesses. It's really hard. I am used to being capable, but feel so frozen because of my circumstances, but reading here helps.
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