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Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 12
New to group
Hello. I just joined. I've been looking online for support and resources for family of drug addicts and came across this website.
My adult daughter has struggled with drugs for many years. She is currently addicted to prescription pain medication. She has a child, and they both live with me.
I was completely surprised that she'd been using again. Even though she lives here with me, I was totally clueless. But, I have always been clueless about it, it seems. She hides it very well. She's a very adept liar, which I know is part of the addict behavior.
She is currently attending 12 step meetings. I am very concerned about her, of course, but I am incredibly concerned for her child (my grandchild). I really want to disengage from my codependence and let my daughter find her path to recovery, but it is so difficult not to get into disagreements about things. I just am not sure how to manage the whole thing at all.
I have looked at the nar anon website, and unfortunately, there are no meetings in my area. I am considering going to al anon, but I'm not sure if that's the right place for me.
Thanks for letting me share some of my story.
My adult daughter has struggled with drugs for many years. She is currently addicted to prescription pain medication. She has a child, and they both live with me.
I was completely surprised that she'd been using again. Even though she lives here with me, I was totally clueless. But, I have always been clueless about it, it seems. She hides it very well. She's a very adept liar, which I know is part of the addict behavior.
She is currently attending 12 step meetings. I am very concerned about her, of course, but I am incredibly concerned for her child (my grandchild). I really want to disengage from my codependence and let my daughter find her path to recovery, but it is so difficult not to get into disagreements about things. I just am not sure how to manage the whole thing at all.
I have looked at the nar anon website, and unfortunately, there are no meetings in my area. I am considering going to al anon, but I'm not sure if that's the right place for me.
Thanks for letting me share some of my story.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Welcome to SR. My daughter is also an opiate addict. She used every painkiller including Heroin. She did not live with me during her active addiction but is in recovery and living at home now. Al-anon is where I go because there are no Nar-anon meetings close to me. It really helps as does coming here. I have been able to detach from her disease but it took me a long time to get to that point. Keep coming back and get to a meeting if possible. Hugs, Marle
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: New York, USA
Posts: 230
Welcome. My middle daughter is my addict, crack, alcohol and pot. She is the mother of 3 girls, ages 15, 10 and 5. Right now I'm in the midst of my detaching and the only way I can cope is with absolutely no contact. Of course that means I don't get to see the granddaughters like I used to but the oldest knows whats going on and stays in touch.
It's really hard at times but there sure is lots of support here so stick around. Without this site I tend to lose my way.
It's really hard at times but there sure is lots of support here so stick around. Without this site I tend to lose my way.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Welcome to SR!
I'm a recovering addict, but am also a huge codie (codependent), so I understand that detaching is hard, especially when your grandchild is involved.
I can tell you that her recovery is up to her. I would have never even thought about recovery if I hadn't been forced to face some pretty tough consequences. My family loved me enough to let me fall on my face, and that's exactly what I needed.
There are some terrific people here, and a LOT of mom's who are going through, or have gone through, what you are so get comfortable, read around, and check out an al-anon meeting.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I'm a recovering addict, but am also a huge codie (codependent), so I understand that detaching is hard, especially when your grandchild is involved.
I can tell you that her recovery is up to her. I would have never even thought about recovery if I hadn't been forced to face some pretty tough consequences. My family loved me enough to let me fall on my face, and that's exactly what I needed.
There are some terrific people here, and a LOT of mom's who are going through, or have gone through, what you are so get comfortable, read around, and check out an al-anon meeting.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Burnsville, MN
Posts: 966
tanzanite,
Welcome to SR, I am the mother of a almost 28 yr old addict son - using or not, I'm not sure . . . but anyway . . . Welcome! This site, weekly Al-Anon and weekly Nar-Anon keeping me hanging in there by a thread - without them I'd be in the looney bin for sure.
Lots of support and sharing in all three places for me.
Welcome to SR, I am the mother of a almost 28 yr old addict son - using or not, I'm not sure . . . but anyway . . . Welcome! This site, weekly Al-Anon and weekly Nar-Anon keeping me hanging in there by a thread - without them I'd be in the looney bin for sure.
Lots of support and sharing in all three places for me.
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
tanzanite,
Hi Tanz, I'm the mom of 2 addict sons, one is 30 and recovering the other...not so much.
How old is your daughter, and grandchild?
I attend Alanon, there are no Naranon meetings in my area.
Stick around we're all here with you...
Hugs
Hi Tanz, I'm the mom of 2 addict sons, one is 30 and recovering the other...not so much.
How old is your daughter, and grandchild?
I attend Alanon, there are no Naranon meetings in my area.
Stick around we're all here with you...
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 1,054
Hello tanzanite,
Having a opiate AH, I know how you feel, it's heartbreaking. There is no possibility of having a healthy family relationship when one is on drugs.
AH hid pills for years as well, he said he took them as prescribed, but being a narcotic addict already, he didn't, he abused them. There were many days he looked and acted totally wasted, and I wondered WHAT THE HECK is he on? .....I couldn't believe it was pills doing that to him. He guarded his closet (where he kept his pills) like a hawk. It was like pay day when he would get his scripts. Sometimes I would find a pill on the floor where he was either counting them, or disbursing them into his pocket vial, and ummmm..... we had a baby crawling at the time. I would be so pissed at him when I found a pill on the floor!!!!
One thing I know now is .....pills are very easy to hide, but not the eyes. Opiates make the eye very large, and the pupils pinpointed. His eyes looked scary.
After so many year of his opiate use, he regressed periodically back to his past of crack binging, disappeared for a couple of days at a time. Admitted he slept w/ a prostitute, and it was downhill slope from there for our marriage. The second time I kicked him out.
He also used to be a substance abuse counselor.
I go to Alanon as well, no naranon here. It really helps. It's like walking into a breath of fresh air, and understanding. Not everyone understands us. When I began Alanon I was very angry, very hurt, it was a place I could go to let it go. I am learning to focus on me for once and not what the addicts were and are doing every minute.
The people here at Sober Recovery have helped immensly as well. I am truly greatful for all their love, support, and prayers.
Keep coming back. Things will get better.
Love and Huggs,
NH7
Having a opiate AH, I know how you feel, it's heartbreaking. There is no possibility of having a healthy family relationship when one is on drugs.
AH hid pills for years as well, he said he took them as prescribed, but being a narcotic addict already, he didn't, he abused them. There were many days he looked and acted totally wasted, and I wondered WHAT THE HECK is he on? .....I couldn't believe it was pills doing that to him. He guarded his closet (where he kept his pills) like a hawk. It was like pay day when he would get his scripts. Sometimes I would find a pill on the floor where he was either counting them, or disbursing them into his pocket vial, and ummmm..... we had a baby crawling at the time. I would be so pissed at him when I found a pill on the floor!!!!
One thing I know now is .....pills are very easy to hide, but not the eyes. Opiates make the eye very large, and the pupils pinpointed. His eyes looked scary.
After so many year of his opiate use, he regressed periodically back to his past of crack binging, disappeared for a couple of days at a time. Admitted he slept w/ a prostitute, and it was downhill slope from there for our marriage. The second time I kicked him out.
He also used to be a substance abuse counselor.
I go to Alanon as well, no naranon here. It really helps. It's like walking into a breath of fresh air, and understanding. Not everyone understands us. When I began Alanon I was very angry, very hurt, it was a place I could go to let it go. I am learning to focus on me for once and not what the addicts were and are doing every minute.
The people here at Sober Recovery have helped immensly as well. I am truly greatful for all their love, support, and prayers.
Keep coming back. Things will get better.
Love and Huggs,
NH7
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
Welcome - just wanted to chime in on that. You've found a wonderful site with lots of great experience strength and hope. There are lots of moms on here - as well as spouses, sign others, and kids. Everyone is offereing up great resources and I definitely recommend them all. It's important to take good care of yourself and reaching out for support is a great sign of that!
My addict is my sober husband. He was an active addict for 35 years. He has 3 years of sobriety now so please don't ever give up hope....per the addiction counselors he was pretty low down and not someone they ever expected to do it. You just never know!
Glad that you have found us - looking forward to getting to know you better!
My addict is my sober husband. He was an active addict for 35 years. He has 3 years of sobriety now so please don't ever give up hope....per the addiction counselors he was pretty low down and not someone they ever expected to do it. You just never know!
Glad that you have found us - looking forward to getting to know you better!
Get Caught Reading
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Not in the boonies, thank God
Posts: 1,410
(((((Tanzanite)))))
Welcome to sr. You've found a wonderful place filled with others who can
give you support and feedback.
My adult son (almost 27) is the addict in my life. Although I've been around
that dysfunction all my life, it really hit me full force when it became my son.
He was addicted to shooting heroin for five long years.
Today he is medicated by a doctor for bi-polar disorder and continues to drink
alcohol and smoke pot when it's available. I learned long ago that I could not
and would not live with my son again. It's just too much. I'm sure you can relate.
I'm not sure how I would feel if there were a child involved. Thank the Lord he's never
procreated. lol
I'm just sending out a hug, some prayers, and a big ol' soberrecovery welcome.
Keep coming back. Oh, and btw....alanon is the next best thing. Go! lol
Linda
Welcome to sr. You've found a wonderful place filled with others who can
give you support and feedback.
My adult son (almost 27) is the addict in my life. Although I've been around
that dysfunction all my life, it really hit me full force when it became my son.
He was addicted to shooting heroin for five long years.
Today he is medicated by a doctor for bi-polar disorder and continues to drink
alcohol and smoke pot when it's available. I learned long ago that I could not
and would not live with my son again. It's just too much. I'm sure you can relate.
I'm not sure how I would feel if there were a child involved. Thank the Lord he's never
procreated. lol
I'm just sending out a hug, some prayers, and a big ol' soberrecovery welcome.
Keep coming back. Oh, and btw....alanon is the next best thing. Go! lol
Linda
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 12
Thank you all so much
Hello everyone. Thank you all so much for your warm welcome and words of encouragement. I am so glad to have found you all and this forum.
The whole idea of my child being addicted to drugs seems so unreal and hard to accept right now. My main emotion has been anger, and I seem to take it out on those who certainly don't deserve it (and myself).
It's been eye-opening to read posts on this forum. One that sticks with me is the notion of my daughter being on her path, and that no matter what I say or how I feel, it is HER path, and I am not the one who knows the right direction for her to take. Only she knows, and she can only walk down the right road when she's ready, and on her terms.
The hardest part for me I know will be trying to detach from her and her recovery process (I have to watch those "you shoulds"), but be here to be a caregiver and support for her baby. My daughter is 28 years old, and her baby daughter just turned 2.
Thank you also for the encouragement to attend al-anon. I found a "beginners" meeting in my area on Sunday afternoons, so I will be attending this Sunday.
The whole idea of my child being addicted to drugs seems so unreal and hard to accept right now. My main emotion has been anger, and I seem to take it out on those who certainly don't deserve it (and myself).
It's been eye-opening to read posts on this forum. One that sticks with me is the notion of my daughter being on her path, and that no matter what I say or how I feel, it is HER path, and I am not the one who knows the right direction for her to take. Only she knows, and she can only walk down the right road when she's ready, and on her terms.
The hardest part for me I know will be trying to detach from her and her recovery process (I have to watch those "you shoulds"), but be here to be a caregiver and support for her baby. My daughter is 28 years old, and her baby daughter just turned 2.
Thank you also for the encouragement to attend al-anon. I found a "beginners" meeting in my area on Sunday afternoons, so I will be attending this Sunday.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
welcome to S.R this site saved my sanity. my addict is my son. he is a crack addict. i love him very much but i have learned to let go & turn him over to my H.P. i always thought if i have done something different he would be different. i do not believe that to be the case. i have learned the 3c's. i did not CAUSE it, i can not CONTROL it & i can not CURE it. it is all on him. do what u can for your grand chidl but make boundries for your daughter. it is your house & your rules. make boundries you are willing to stick with. i am saying a prayer for you & her both.
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Calif
Posts: 1,007
TanzANITE
I am so sorry about your daughter's addiction; however, at least you have your grandchild there with you and she is safe.
Take care of yourself and the baby. I pray your daughter will continue with her meetings.
Hugs, Devastated
Take care of yourself and the baby. I pray your daughter will continue with her meetings.
Hugs, Devastated
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