**** up.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 12
**** up.
I know now that I am permanently done with drugs, unfortunatly that isnt the case for alcohol. I was doing good for a while there and the thought never even crossed my mind, but today I just had a day where I felt like I didn't deserve to live and I was a scumbag. Being the idiot that I am I started to drink and have been drinking all night, the truth is right now I don't feel anything but tomorrow I am going to feel like the biggest loser in the world. I am completly alone and not sure I will ever have anybody to help me in person, but thats ok because I am used to it. The thought of suicide even crossed my mind but decided I wouldn't be worth the mess to clean up.
One Day at a Time!
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Paris, Tx
Posts: 64
Hey Mikey. Glad you are in here tonight! I know how you feel. I've walked away from the drugs I was stuck on. But the alcohol, I've always been able to justify as being ok to do. I mean he!! after all the other stuff I had done, alcohol is freaking legal! It's nothing! I'm quickly finding out, it the hardest thing in the world to put down. I've tried hard these past two weeks to stay sober. I ****** up 3 times so far. But I've picked myself up the next day, dusted myself off, and started a new day to be sober.
That's what it is, one day at a time. Today, we can choose not to drink. Today, we can choose to drink. It's our decion to make, and we can only make that decision for today.
Go to Alcoholics Anonymous : and there are links to find your local AA group. I go to my local AA group several times a week. It really helps me just to walk in those doors. You learn very quickly that you are not alone. There are others just like you. You will hear someone tell thier story, and realize that's your story too. The best thing an alcoholic can do is talk to another alcoholic. The average drinker doesn't understand the hold that alcohol holds over us.
Stay strong! And just take it minute by minute, day by day!
That's what it is, one day at a time. Today, we can choose not to drink. Today, we can choose to drink. It's our decion to make, and we can only make that decision for today.
Go to Alcoholics Anonymous : and there are links to find your local AA group. I go to my local AA group several times a week. It really helps me just to walk in those doors. You learn very quickly that you are not alone. There are others just like you. You will hear someone tell thier story, and realize that's your story too. The best thing an alcoholic can do is talk to another alcoholic. The average drinker doesn't understand the hold that alcohol holds over us.
Stay strong! And just take it minute by minute, day by day!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: sacramento california
Posts: 217
know the feeling
I know the feeling, had it this morning, but today I didn't drink and I have hope; some day I will be one of those saying I have 30 days or more; just don't give up, you are worth it, we all are; the people here and at meetings are great support
We Do Recover
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,619
First of all--mikey, you are not completely alone (although I do remember I once felt the same way myself). Why do you think no one will help you--have you gone to rehab or to any meetings--and were turned away? I know my group would welcome you with open arms...we all were once where you are now--we understand. Just don't give up on yourself--on life (in general)...you are worth so much more--but with the alcohol in your body/mind>you are blind to all that right now....Keep reaching out--you don't ever have to be alone again if you don't want to be. 
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 30
Mikey,
The fact that you are posting at all tells me that you don't really believe the things you are saying. You just need support and to know that someone cares, and I am here to tell you that I CARE. Everyone on this board cares, and everyone has been where you are. I am only 1 1/2 days sober, but it is looking better every minute, every second.
Tomorrow you are NOT going to feel like the biggest loser in the world, you are going to look at yourself in the mirror and say "Today is my chance to start over".
When I feel like I can't, I get on this board and post like mad. Just knowing there are people here that I can relate to makes SOOOO much difference. I hope it's the same for you, my friend. Take a chance and reach out. You just might find that people are more accepting and forgiving than you thought!
The fact that you are posting at all tells me that you don't really believe the things you are saying. You just need support and to know that someone cares, and I am here to tell you that I CARE. Everyone on this board cares, and everyone has been where you are. I am only 1 1/2 days sober, but it is looking better every minute, every second.
Tomorrow you are NOT going to feel like the biggest loser in the world, you are going to look at yourself in the mirror and say "Today is my chance to start over".
When I feel like I can't, I get on this board and post like mad. Just knowing there are people here that I can relate to makes SOOOO much difference. I hope it's the same for you, my friend. Take a chance and reach out. You just might find that people are more accepting and forgiving than you thought!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Ga
Posts: 23
Mikey, you are certainly not alone. All of us struggle
with our failures and imperfections everyday. I'm still
very new in recovery but I know there's a lot of hard
work and pain involved. I never thought it would be
a smooth road to travel and I bet you didn't either.
But if we didn't have faith in promise of a better life
for ourselves, would we even take the first step?
I believe you have that faith or you never would have
reached out through this forum. The promise is still
there, Mikey. Tomorrow is a brand new day. Please
try to leave the past in the past where it belongs.
That's something I struggle with, too, but I know it's
the only way we can begin to heal.
You said in an earlier post you had found God and you
that you believed He will help you. He will. But you
have to surrender. If you're honestly ready to stop
drinking just let Him know you're done. He'll give you the
strength you need to keep on. And if you're still hanging
on to the hope that maybe one day you'll be able
to drink normally, pray for the willingness to be done.
I'm praying for you, Mikey!
pg
with our failures and imperfections everyday. I'm still
very new in recovery but I know there's a lot of hard
work and pain involved. I never thought it would be
a smooth road to travel and I bet you didn't either.
But if we didn't have faith in promise of a better life
for ourselves, would we even take the first step?
I believe you have that faith or you never would have
reached out through this forum. The promise is still
there, Mikey. Tomorrow is a brand new day. Please
try to leave the past in the past where it belongs.
That's something I struggle with, too, but I know it's
the only way we can begin to heal.
You said in an earlier post you had found God and you
that you believed He will help you. He will. But you
have to surrender. If you're honestly ready to stop
drinking just let Him know you're done. He'll give you the
strength you need to keep on. And if you're still hanging
on to the hope that maybe one day you'll be able
to drink normally, pray for the willingness to be done.
I'm praying for you, Mikey!
pg
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 12
I want to thank everyone for listening, now that I am sober I look back on what I posted and realize it was out of hand. Perpetual Grace I want to thank you for praying for me, you might think im crazy but god revealed himself to me last night in my dreams... he basicly told me that if I don't quit drinking right now I am going to die. I don't think its worth my life and I am ready to stop for good.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Ga
Posts: 23
You're welcome, Mikey! And no, I don't think you're
crazy at all. Once God spoke to me while I was making
PBJ sandwiches for the kids - seriously. Now that seemed
surreal!
Remember you're never alone. Support is right here for
you and strength in your Higher Power. Reach out for it!
Your life is a precious gift to the world.
pg
crazy at all. Once God spoke to me while I was making
PBJ sandwiches for the kids - seriously. Now that seemed
surreal!
Remember you're never alone. Support is right here for
you and strength in your Higher Power. Reach out for it!
Your life is a precious gift to the world.
pg
Glad to meet ya!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
Hi Mikey,
Another Ontarian here! Wow, there are lots of us, aren't there!
Mikey, there is lots of hope and inspiration in the posts here. Never give up. You can live the life you want to live.
Another Ontarian here! Wow, there are lots of us, aren't there!
Mikey, there is lots of hope and inspiration in the posts here. Never give up. You can live the life you want to live.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Littleton, Co.
Posts: 3,317
Hi Mikey,
I dont think your off your rocker for sharing about god coming to you in a dream. When I was hospitalized on suicide watch and detoxing. God came to me one night in my lockdown room and told me I was okay, and that I would never have to drink again. I was sober for 7 years after that encounter. I believe.
I dont think your off your rocker for sharing about god coming to you in a dream. When I was hospitalized on suicide watch and detoxing. God came to me one night in my lockdown room and told me I was okay, and that I would never have to drink again. I was sober for 7 years after that encounter. I believe.
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