ZConfused

I just found out that my bf of nine months is an alcoholic, or in the beginning stages of developing alcohol dependence. He had told me last week that he had been experiencing feelings of depression for the past few months. Then last night, I was cleaning and found that all of my liquor bottles were empty. When I confronted him about it, he admitted that he is dependent on alcohol and agreed to get help.

I am glad he is getting help so soon, but I'm still a little baffled because I never saw any of this going on in the past few months. He has a history of alcoholism AND depression in his family, so it makes sense how it could spiral out of control so quickly. My bf couldn't tell which came first, the alcohol or the depression. He is going to his first AA meeting this week.

My question is, what can I do to help him? How am I supposed to act? I am so hurt and confused, but I don't think I should burden him with that too much, because I want him to focus on getting better. Help please!

NYC_Chick

Been there, done that. My ex sat me down after 3 years together and told me he drank a pint of whiskey a night and had been doing that our entire relationship. I had no clue whatsoever.

That was last year. He swore he was going to get help. He did, then relapsed. Got help again, relapsed. Got help again, relapsed. You get the point. He still drinks as far as I know. I can't say how much, though because after living on a roller coaster with this, I decided to get off and we have been apart since December.

I'm not saying this happens to all of them, but read as much as you can and educate yourself.

The best thing you can do is focus on yourself right now. What do you want for your life? Do you want to put your needs aside to "help" him? He will get help if he wants. If not, then you can make decisions from there. Let him worry about him and you worry about you.

Read the stickies at the top and keep posting!!! It really helps!

wish he'd quit

NYC Chick said it well. Educate yourself. I cant tell you this enough. Please dont be think you can "fix" him. Only he can decide if and when he is ready to quit. That is great if he can quit and not relapse. But dont be surprised if he does. My ah deals with depression and alcoholism both also. He can be sober for quite some time, but will relapse just as easily. Definitely know what you want in the relationship and what your dreams are. Alcoholics can be manipulative and will do/say what ever will serve their purpose. It can easily make you forget what your wants and needs are. Also there may be a time when your abf "blames" you for doing something that makes him want to drink. Remember you are not their scapegoat. They make their own decisions. They are going to think of themselves first. You should definitely do the same.

denny57

I suggest giving Al-Anon a try for 6 meetings or so.

Good luck!