not exactly new...just back on the horse...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Mobile AL
Posts: 101
not exactly new...just back on the horse...
It has been several months since I have been here. I have always found this to be a place of wonderful support, and that is what I am seeking now. I am aware that no one can give me advice about my life....sometimes it just helps to get it all out.
Several months ago I joined SR because I could tell that my A and A BF had a serious problem, and I was swiftly joining him. Coke was a regular part of our lives....about once a week in the summer of 2007, dwindling to once every two weeks in the fall and winter. In addition to that, we regularly indulged in whiskey, as well as nights of drinking.
Although I had my fun, and will admit that I had a problem of my own, I always "knew when to stop" so to speak. My ABF could not seem to control himself.
I had a job that I hated. I made decent money, but I was never home. I was in North Carolina or Tennessee for a week at a time. I decided that my job was a contributing factor to both my relationship, and my health. Shortly after I quit that job, I found out that SURPRISE...I was blessed with a baby!
The baby was quite unexpected.....my A BF flipped when he heard the news. His drinking worsened....and he didn't come home many nights...atleast not sober.
Things seemed to get better for a short time....and about 2 months later he went to work (in a bar, I might add)....called me around 10 pm and told me he would be later than usual that evening. I was caring for his son whom he gets visitation of on the weekends. I told him to be careful. He never came home that night. This behavior has never happened with his son here. I figured something was wrong because why would he do that to his son? I called his mom, who came to help me find him. Who comes strolling in the driveway at 4 pm the next day, with not a scratch on him?
He came up with a story that someone had drugged his drink, that he woke up on the state line having no idea how he got there. To this day, I don't believe him.
Since then, things have really been looking up. He started a new job as a tree cutter and got away from the bartending business. We were so in love, and so looking forward to a new little life coming in December.
His drinking continued, but with less intensity, and mostly at home. I have noted the coke addiction to continue----about once every two weeks.
I, being with child, have completely stopped using. It has given me clarity and made me realize just how much of a problem my ABF has.
This past weekend, he went on a coke binge. Although I did not visually confirm it, I have reason to believe he did coke on Thursday, Friday and Saturday night. His son stayed on Saturday night. All of this was a big wake up call. If he does coke while his son is here, and I'm at work....can I trust him with our newborn baby???
I waited to have a discussion with him until his son left Sunday night. I told him that I loved him and couldn't watch him hurt himself anymore. He rolled over and went to sleep and I....seven months pregnant slept on the couch.
Monday he called into work and didn't get up until noon. I leave the house at 2 for work. He barely said two words to me. I went in the bathroom to do my hair, and when I came out, he was gone---not having said good bye, see ya later or anything else....
I came home from work lastnight and knew he wouldn't be here. I went to bed by myself, knowing he wouldn't be home. I called his boss, who said he called in with the flu this morning.
My parents live in New York....and I currently live in Mobile. They know what is going on and are concerned for me and the baby. I told my father I am ready to move back.
I love this man dearly....but he needs help. I won't let him hurt our little girl, before she is even born. I am confident that I am making a sound decision....but it doesn't make it hurt any less. I love my man, but I don't love his diseases.
It has now been 24 hours since I have had contact with him. I leave in another 24 for New York.
I don't really know if I'm asking for anything here.....just wondering if anyone else has had the same issues....what appears to be a cycle of addiction whereby someone is a functioning alcoholic daily and then about once every three months goes on a binge......
wish me strength,
K
Several months ago I joined SR because I could tell that my A and A BF had a serious problem, and I was swiftly joining him. Coke was a regular part of our lives....about once a week in the summer of 2007, dwindling to once every two weeks in the fall and winter. In addition to that, we regularly indulged in whiskey, as well as nights of drinking.
Although I had my fun, and will admit that I had a problem of my own, I always "knew when to stop" so to speak. My ABF could not seem to control himself.
I had a job that I hated. I made decent money, but I was never home. I was in North Carolina or Tennessee for a week at a time. I decided that my job was a contributing factor to both my relationship, and my health. Shortly after I quit that job, I found out that SURPRISE...I was blessed with a baby!
The baby was quite unexpected.....my A BF flipped when he heard the news. His drinking worsened....and he didn't come home many nights...atleast not sober.
Things seemed to get better for a short time....and about 2 months later he went to work (in a bar, I might add)....called me around 10 pm and told me he would be later than usual that evening. I was caring for his son whom he gets visitation of on the weekends. I told him to be careful. He never came home that night. This behavior has never happened with his son here. I figured something was wrong because why would he do that to his son? I called his mom, who came to help me find him. Who comes strolling in the driveway at 4 pm the next day, with not a scratch on him?
He came up with a story that someone had drugged his drink, that he woke up on the state line having no idea how he got there. To this day, I don't believe him.
Since then, things have really been looking up. He started a new job as a tree cutter and got away from the bartending business. We were so in love, and so looking forward to a new little life coming in December.
His drinking continued, but with less intensity, and mostly at home. I have noted the coke addiction to continue----about once every two weeks.
I, being with child, have completely stopped using. It has given me clarity and made me realize just how much of a problem my ABF has.
This past weekend, he went on a coke binge. Although I did not visually confirm it, I have reason to believe he did coke on Thursday, Friday and Saturday night. His son stayed on Saturday night. All of this was a big wake up call. If he does coke while his son is here, and I'm at work....can I trust him with our newborn baby???
I waited to have a discussion with him until his son left Sunday night. I told him that I loved him and couldn't watch him hurt himself anymore. He rolled over and went to sleep and I....seven months pregnant slept on the couch.
Monday he called into work and didn't get up until noon. I leave the house at 2 for work. He barely said two words to me. I went in the bathroom to do my hair, and when I came out, he was gone---not having said good bye, see ya later or anything else....
I came home from work lastnight and knew he wouldn't be here. I went to bed by myself, knowing he wouldn't be home. I called his boss, who said he called in with the flu this morning.
My parents live in New York....and I currently live in Mobile. They know what is going on and are concerned for me and the baby. I told my father I am ready to move back.
I love this man dearly....but he needs help. I won't let him hurt our little girl, before she is even born. I am confident that I am making a sound decision....but it doesn't make it hurt any less. I love my man, but I don't love his diseases.
It has now been 24 hours since I have had contact with him. I leave in another 24 for New York.
I don't really know if I'm asking for anything here.....just wondering if anyone else has had the same issues....what appears to be a cycle of addiction whereby someone is a functioning alcoholic daily and then about once every three months goes on a binge......
wish me strength,
K
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Eh? :)
Posts: 1,410
I don't have experience with this, but I did want to take a moment to write to you that I am so impressed with your strength, your courage, your knowledge in doing the right thing for yourself and your baby, and your damn sense in separating yourself from this situation. You are already an incredible mother and your baby will be blessed to have you raise her! 
Old & Sober Member of AA
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Nursing Home in Brick, New Jersey
Posts: 5,174
Personally, I think you're making the right decision for yourself and child...perhaps, ultimately for the boyfriend, too.
If possible, it might be helpful for you to get to some Al-Anon and/or Nar-Anon meetings for more support from folks who are or have been dealing with this sort of thing. I went to Al-Anon for a short time before I decided AA was really where I belonged, and the one thing I'll never forget hearing is, "You don't have to accept unacceptable behavior."
Be good to yourself and the new little life within you!
If possible, it might be helpful for you to get to some Al-Anon and/or Nar-Anon meetings for more support from folks who are or have been dealing with this sort of thing. I went to Al-Anon for a short time before I decided AA was really where I belonged, and the one thing I'll never forget hearing is, "You don't have to accept unacceptable behavior."
Be good to yourself and the new little life within you!
I have a purpose today.
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: California
Posts: 62
I just wanted you to know that I am very proud of the decision you are making. I can totally relate from my past experiences. You are a very strong person for doing this...
it's gonna hurt thou. Keep sharing with others about it, it will give you more power to keep doing the right thing.
Don't forget about your H.P. and praying.
it's gonna hurt thou. Keep sharing with others about it, it will give you more power to keep doing the right thing.
Don't forget about your H.P. and praying.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,756
I completely agree that you are doing the right thing for you and the new life you're bringing into the world. As hard as it may be, you've got to focus solely on your health and the baby's well being. If ABF 'comes around', fine, if not, also fine. You can't force anyone to change, they have to want to change for themselves.
Please be good to yourself and remember that your baby's life is in your hands. I hope it all works out for the best, but no matter what, take good care of yourself!
I will keep you in my prayers!
:ghug3
Please be good to yourself and remember that your baby's life is in your hands. I hope it all works out for the best, but no matter what, take good care of yourself!
I will keep you in my prayers!
:ghug3
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