Silverberry1331

Hi all,

Thanks for allowing me to share with you all. It is such a blessing! My Silverberry weekend was really profound. It was mixed with feelings of elation, empowerment, sadness, and tears.

I shut my phone off, and all family and friends respected my wishes not to be disturbed. AH didn't call all weekend either, so that was good. Friday, I spent the entire day doing homework, but treated myself to dinner at a nice restaurant. Dropped enough cash for a dinner for two, but heck...I deserve it! I even indulged in dessert. Then I took myself to Walmart and seriously invested in some cleaning products and things around the house that I always wanted, but couldn't afford (like a shower caddy and swifter!) I bought new linens and a bedspread.

On Saturday, I spent literally from 10am until 1:30am cleaning, packing, and reorganizing. The house was disgusting, and as I cleaned and rearranged cabinets, I felt like the house was becoming more mine. Actually, as I was going through his clothes and packing them away, I was okay...almost businesslike about it. When it came to taking pictures down and replacing them with new picture, that is when I broke down. I cried and cried. I longed for my husband and felt just such sadness over the entire situation. I felt so drained.

On Sunday, I went food shopping, and bought myself all healthy, vegetarian things (he is a meat eater) which I couldn't afford in large quantities because I was buying him cookies, soda, and things I don't eat. I washed my car. I did more homework. I felt very empowered putting my groceries away and making myself dinner. I set the table and gave myself the royal treatment. After I settled in for the night, again I cried--the other side of the bed was so empty. I tear up thinking about it. I cried myself to sleep.

This morning, I got up super early and read some Al-Anon material and prayed. I had to contact my AH this morning because he received a piece of very official looking mail. He informed me that his car is broken down, and asked if would I help him fix it. As most of you know, I had agreed to helping him out alittle financially. However, I gave him some money prior to him leaving, and explained that if I did chose to help him out that it would only be at the beginning of the month. So I told him that he wasn't getting more money. He, of course, was disappointed, but didn't press. I am not sure what the real story with him is. Anyway, I am about to go home and cook myself dinner and relax.

I feel like this weekend was a mile marker for me. I was able to get out of this holding pattern that I have been in with his stuff all over the place. I feel like I have begun the healing/recovery process....I am not expecting anything monumentous...just one day at a time.

TTOSBT

Silverberry, I am so proud of you girl!
It sounds like you worked hard to take care of yourself!
That is really wonderful, even the crying part. That is taking care of you too.
You are an inspiration. :ghug2

OverItNow

Thank you so much for this empowering post. I long to be in your position. Even to openly cry without fear of being yelled at or made fun of sounds like a gift! Keep sharing.

CatsPajamas

One day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time, we can learn a new and better way of living.

It looks like you're doing a wonderful job of taking care of yourself.

Big hugs
Cats

Rella927

Sounds as if you are doing a terrific job with the care of YOU! Keep moving forward with those baby steps....

GiveLove

Thanks, Silverberry. Tears are definitely a part of all of this.......they will wash you clean. Sounds like exactly the kind of weekend you should be having. It will get easier - I promise.

lisa1235

im gad you had a relaxing weekend. i think thats what we all need. when making decisions in life is time to explore our thoughts and feelings without outside interference.you desreve nothing less than a happy productive life.you deserve to be able to pamper yourself and get personal things you need done.dont worry about the tears you are in mourning of a loss but dont let that get mistaken that youre doing the wrong thing.you have to heal and he has to get it together theres nothing you can do about that he has to want to do it.youre helping him in the best way by not..if you understand what im saying.take it slow.dont get detoured..even if he doesnt see the light you can shine on in a new healthy life.i hope another silverbury weekends in order,time has power of healing the brokenest of things..keep us posted.:ghug3

wish he'd quit

What an inspiring post! It makes me want to do the same thing this weekend. I'm off and its pay week. I hope I can have the same kind of weekend. It sounds rather cathartic.

denny57

Sounds fantastic. I also did major housecleaning, which made me feel good. Which led to healthier thinking and self care.

Sending you lots of hugs for strength through the ups and downs during this time. I remember it clearly.