Pajarito

Doesn't it sometimes? I've been reading blessed4x's thread about getting over and dealing with the grief of ending a marriage. I am dealing with the same thing and can't say I'm an expert. STBXAH left a year ago, and I've been thinking about what has happened over the past year and have to admit most of the time I don't feel that much better- I'm filled with sadness. I KNOW divorce is something I have to do- for my sanity and for the health of dd who I can't imagine would thrive in our home the way we were living when AH was with us- chaos. HOWEVER- even though I am sad- there are times when reality steps in just in time to pick me up and get me moving again. . .

Yesterday I was talking to my sister and mentioned I hadn't heard anything about STBXAH's girlfriend- a woman he works with and had an emotional affair with before he moved out. All weekend I had been down in the dumps- feeling nostalgic. . . DD was with him all afternoon, so I think I was lonely as well. When she came home it took her a few hours to finally tell me she had been shopping with dad AND his girlfriend. She was upset. In fact- she found out her dad was planning to meet the girlfriend at the mall with dd, and dd threw a fit. She is 10- I can't imagine how stressed out she was, but she told me she tried to get his phone so she could call me to come get her, she cried, yelled at him- this is a kid who is pretty quiet. She also asked him for a quarter when they walked by some pay phones so she could call me. Again- he would not let her. I have told her that whenever she was with STBXAH- or anyone else, wherever and whenever- she could always call me if she wanted to come home. Well- guess that wasn't the case yesterday. Breaks my heart.

I am angry he chooses his own needs before hers. I'm hurt he has moved on so easily, I am sad I cannot protect dd from his issues. I called him and calmly explained that when dd is upset and wants to come home, I believe she needs to be heard and respected. He said he would talk to her- I think I may be getting my 10-year-old a phone.

BTW- I was getting somewhere with this thread. . . just when I was feeling all sentimental and sad, reality stormed in and bit me on the butt. I've noticed that's happened regularly. . . I can't get too low because his insanity brings me right back to reality. It's times like that that help me to get over the grief I feel over the loss of my marriage. I sure wish it wasn't so painfully hard, though.

blessed4x

Thanks Pajarito for sharing your struggles. I've been thinking I must be a VERY slow learner, because my HP sure has been whacking me over the head with reminders as well.