Trying AGAIN
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 7
Trying AGAIN
Well, im not that new to recovery. I finally built up the courage to book myself into treatment in April this year. My primary addiction was alcohol follwed by coke.
Treatment was awesome and I learnt a hell of a lot. I moved to a halfway house and life was peachy. Made some good new friends, was enjoying being clean but then the bomb slowly started dropping.
A really beautifull girl moved into the halfway house. The moment I eyes met I knew that we were going to break rules and hook up. We started seeing each other secretly but we both came to the conclusion that we couldnt hide our attraction for 1 another any longer. We decided to come out with it and moved into our own place. 1 week went by and the demons came to haunt me and her. She could not contain herself and brought a dangerous substance into our home.
I was strong didnt feel the desire to use but a week later I became weak and we both fell. It was just before my 90 days. We went on a 5 week bender spending tons of money pawning our possesions ( thankfully getting them all back)
And then came the major crisis. After a long weekend of using she tried to commit suicide. She was booked into hospital to stabelise her moods and a week later came out like a new person. She has been clean since but I have been really battling. I have really seen my addict progress and I have trying to do whatever it takes to get clean. I have a sponsor, I go to meetings, I go to church, I read the JFT every morning, I write a gratitude list every morning which i send to my gf. What else do I need to do??? I know stepwork but havent got round to do it yet. I know it is critical and will be starting step one again today from the green and gold. What else do I need to do????? I was 17 days this past friday and out of no where my addict appeared and I relapsed again. The weird thing is I havent been relapsing with booze but the drugs. My gf kicked me out on saturday but I managed to get her to give me 1 last chance.
I am really desperate this time... please HELP!
God, please take my will and point me in the right direction because with my self will I am going to land up disabled or dead!!!
Treatment was awesome and I learnt a hell of a lot. I moved to a halfway house and life was peachy. Made some good new friends, was enjoying being clean but then the bomb slowly started dropping.
A really beautifull girl moved into the halfway house. The moment I eyes met I knew that we were going to break rules and hook up. We started seeing each other secretly but we both came to the conclusion that we couldnt hide our attraction for 1 another any longer. We decided to come out with it and moved into our own place. 1 week went by and the demons came to haunt me and her. She could not contain herself and brought a dangerous substance into our home.
I was strong didnt feel the desire to use but a week later I became weak and we both fell. It was just before my 90 days. We went on a 5 week bender spending tons of money pawning our possesions ( thankfully getting them all back)
And then came the major crisis. After a long weekend of using she tried to commit suicide. She was booked into hospital to stabelise her moods and a week later came out like a new person. She has been clean since but I have been really battling. I have really seen my addict progress and I have trying to do whatever it takes to get clean. I have a sponsor, I go to meetings, I go to church, I read the JFT every morning, I write a gratitude list every morning which i send to my gf. What else do I need to do??? I know stepwork but havent got round to do it yet. I know it is critical and will be starting step one again today from the green and gold. What else do I need to do????? I was 17 days this past friday and out of no where my addict appeared and I relapsed again. The weird thing is I havent been relapsing with booze but the drugs. My gf kicked me out on saturday but I managed to get her to give me 1 last chance.
I am really desperate this time... please HELP!
God, please take my will and point me in the right direction because with my self will I am going to land up disabled or dead!!!
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome to SR!
From your post it apears that you are trying hard again.
I do consider AA Step work was when I found solid recovery.
I do hope that will be true for you too.
Blessings to the two of you
From your post it apears that you are trying hard again.
I do consider AA Step work was when I found solid recovery.
I do hope that will be true for you too.
Blessings to the two of you
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,475
Hi and Welcome,
I'm glad you found us.
I'm glad your girlfriend is alright and I think it's a reminder that stopping using/drinking is only the beginning and that some of us need to have mental health issues addressed.
You can have the life you want and we're here to offer support.
I'm glad you found us.
I'm glad your girlfriend is alright and I think it's a reminder that stopping using/drinking is only the beginning and that some of us need to have mental health issues addressed.
You can have the life you want and we're here to offer support.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Eh? :)
Posts: 1,410
1sec: you asked "what can i do?"...and then in the next sentence answered yourself. "I know stepwork but havent got round to do it yet." 
Really glad to see you here...there's a ton of information on this site and people that will stay with you throughout any obstacles that present themselves in your recovery. You CAN do this, ya know!
Really glad to see you here...there's a ton of information on this site and people that will stay with you throughout any obstacles that present themselves in your recovery. You CAN do this, ya know!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 7
My gratitude list for today......
1) My good health
2) My strength
3) My belief in God
4) My family
5) My great job
6) My education
7) My incredible girlfriend
8) My home
9) My determination to stay clean
10) My ability to think clearly when I am clean and sober
11) My ability to help myself
12) My ability to express myself
13) My great sex life
14) My sense of humor
15) Modern medicine
16) Liverpool Football Club
17) My favorite music
18) My car
19) My cute girlfriend
20) My sexy girlfriend
21) My beautiful girlfriend
22) My kinky girlfriend
23) My gorgeous girlfriend
24) My stunning girlfriend
1) My good health
2) My strength
3) My belief in God
4) My family
5) My great job
6) My education
7) My incredible girlfriend
8) My home
9) My determination to stay clean
10) My ability to think clearly when I am clean and sober
11) My ability to help myself
12) My ability to express myself
13) My great sex life
14) My sense of humor
15) Modern medicine
16) Liverpool Football Club
17) My favorite music
18) My car
19) My cute girlfriend
20) My sexy girlfriend
21) My beautiful girlfriend
22) My kinky girlfriend
23) My gorgeous girlfriend
24) My stunning girlfriend
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 7
Yesterday was such a hectic day. My gf decided to throw the whole "she is supporting" me thing in my face. I pay my rent, I pay water and lights and I pay my car. I think its only fair she buy a little food. But anyway she told me that she supports me and I hit the roof! I got so angry and i share an office with another lady and I couldnt express my feelings over the phone. When she heard I was getting angry she told me she was just joking. Anyway i was just about to leave work when that happened and i decided to go to the gym and let of some steam.
That didnt really help so decided to go to a meeting on my own last night. I told her how I felt and she just kept on telling me that I am a baby and she forgives me for relapsing but i cant forgive her for saying something like that.
Thing is my father always use to throw things like that in my face and it drove me crazy..... We both went to bed angry and fighting but after a little while I gave in. I hate going to bed on bad terms with her. All through the night she was apologizing and telling me she is sorry. I know this is some petty cr@p but i needed to get it off my chest!
That didnt really help so decided to go to a meeting on my own last night. I told her how I felt and she just kept on telling me that I am a baby and she forgives me for relapsing but i cant forgive her for saying something like that.
Thing is my father always use to throw things like that in my face and it drove me crazy..... We both went to bed angry and fighting but after a little while I gave in. I hate going to bed on bad terms with her. All through the night she was apologizing and telling me she is sorry. I know this is some petty cr@p but i needed to get it off my chest!
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