Horselover

Jersey posted in another thread and so not to hijack that thread I thought I would ask under a separate one as I found this VERY interesting -

Alcoholics, in general, are inclined to be overly sensitive...very thin-skinned. I, personally, used to be hyper-sensitive...then, super-sensitive...now, just sensitive (often depending on how bad a day I'm having). So, at least I'm showing signs of improvement...and, that's progress.

I have been told all my life I am too thin skinned and over sensitive and believe me its not said as any type of compliment. A therapist said to me one time that its like the person is dismissing your feelings and saying you shouldn't feel that way. Kind of insulting. Any ways, does a person that is described as overly sensitive have tendencies towards alcoholism or does the alcoholism bring on the over sensitivity?

Ananda

well....I don't know about the which came first question...but....food for thought

I was told I wear my heart on my sleeve and its a GOOD thing!

I wouldn't trade my sensitivity for the world.

And i always try to remember

speak softly so others can hear you and be heard.

Works best for me!

Anna

Oh, absolutely, definitely.

I think for me, I was sensitive to people saying things to me, and so I tried to be what they wanted me to be. I was also sensitive to other people being hurt, and so tried to fix everything for them. My boundaries were blurred and really non-existent. I think that made me a prime candidate for addiction.

least

As to which came first, that's a 'chicken-and-egg' question. I have always been sensitive, not just in my own feelings, but in feelings about humanity in general. That in no way means I'm never cruel or hateful to others, as I've sunk to that level many times, and will sink to that level again I'm sure. But I do know I drank primarily to hide or cover up my feelings. I sometimes wish I weren't so sensitive but I wouldn't be 'me' if I weren't.

No, being supersensitive is not usually seen as a good thing, tho being able to have empathy for others is a good character trait, I think. I agree with Anna's position about wanting to "fix" things for others and 'boundaries' often being blurred. I'm getting better at knowing what's in my control and what's not, but still have moments when my sensitivity is a negative thing.

Progress, not perfection - it's hard to remember that sometimes.

Astro

One of my sponsors fired me for being too sensitive and emotional I didn't argue with him, that description fits me perfectly.

I found another sponsor that had exactly what I wanted. Caring, love, and tolerance. He's still my sponsor.

Horselover

I was attempting to write a blog, but then deleted it. While writing I noticed that I have for the longest time asked to have my feelings of empathy taken away from me or at least that I not feel so strongly and deeply all the time. I have had my husband tell me I could not be a nurse because I would bring it home every night. I worked as a legal secretary for a criminal defense attorney and that's when I really started drinking the heaviest in my adult years. I didn't want to feel for the victims as much as I did. I finally quit that law firm, but the drinking pattern had been started and it felt so good to not feel other people's pain so I continued.

I know my drinking started earlier then this, but I found a really good adult reason for it now or at least, I thought I had. I had prayed to become more hardened and when I drank I did. It became more like the opposite end of the spectrum and I didn't feel anything for anybody. I would say this wasn't really a good solution either, but at the time. . .

Its interesting to hear I am not alone on this. I knew some drank to overcome shyness, but never really thought about the sensitivity part until today. Its an "Ah-Ha" moment as Oprah would say.

IO Storm

Intriguing, HL.

Chicken...egg?

Supersensitivity ...empathy...sympathy..common traits.

It made me an excellent social worker....and hopeless alcoholic, addict, and

codependent (without recovery)

I'll bet Morning Glory could find us a paper on this subject...

Jersey Nonny

My daughter once told me the thing she admired most about me was my compassion. I thought that was the nicest compliment she could have given me. Perhaps being sensitive myself makes me that much more sensitive to the feelings of others...that can't be a bad thing.

Horselover

Well I think sensitivity isn't a bad thing, but I can be on SR and I can look at my thread and notice well so and so didn't put their name under my post and so they must not agree or most likely they think I'm a jerk. I mean I am probably not just over sensitive but a little on the mental side. I can get so put off if I don't hear what I WANT to hear. I am sounding very self centered and I knew I was, but I didn't think it was as bad as I now realize it is. I am quite a bit off center.

Ananda

yeah HL....I get that ... i absolutely do the same thing and you know...it is good taht we can recognise that we do this. It does seem to me that when I am most into checking who thanked me ...or most likely to take comments personally or decide people are "shunning" me is when I am in pain and fear and so so so afraid to say whats going on for fear that others will jump my but!

I am learning to force myself to find appropriete people to share with one on one. Then I become much less concerned with what others think of me and more concerned with others.

Just think of these sensitive times as opportunities for growth!

least

You're not the only one 'off center'. I'm pretty much unbalanced myself, but ya know what? I've got a really unique perspective because of it! Good, bad - who can say, just decidedly different!

:ghug3

SelfSeeking

You'll notice I just thanked both of you... I'm laughing because I do the same d@mn thing! I am always quick to assume everyone dislikes me as much as I dislike myself most of the time. Sure makes life "interesting", doesn't it?

Ananda

lets have a thank you fest!!!!!

:bounce:ghug

sct

I can relate to the oversensitive thing (although I try to hide it as much as possible) the result of that is that I get the opposite reaction from people- they assume that I don't feel anything at all because I keep a thick front up. In active addiction that earned me the name 'Tin Man.'

The best thing about recovery is you start feeling again... the worst thing about recovery is you start feeling again.

SelfSeeking

I love you guys!

Horselover

I am sitting here bawling, but there good tears not sad. Thanks once again SR! I have A LOT to work on.

Ananda

Here HL

Rella927

Horse a lot of good stuff above....

Now from a "codie" .....I too have and still a work in progress on the being "over sensitive" recovery is teaching me that I need to let go of what others think and how they feel...they are allowed to feel how they want too! Just like I 'am allowed to feel what I want and no one else has to like it!

I also found that journaling has helped me quite a bit along with reading to become less sensitive towards how I react to things. I know there are a lot of people on this site that do yoga which is also a great source to learn to become less sensitve and more in tune with ourselves i.e. meditation.

In answer to your question- IMHO having lived with A's all my life-I would have to say that a person that is over sensitive could have tendencies towards alcoholism just as I had tendencies to spend money-it made me feel better! Just like alcohol made my family members feel better....however on I also feel that IMHO alcohol can bring on sensitivity...(I know not much help there) LOL ...but in all honesty the sensitivity can lead one to do destructive things to one self- drinking, addiction (not just drugs) or anything such as something like overspending!

I wanted to fix, control and have everyone like me! I did anything that I could to make them like me...over and over with the same result! NADDA! I became so sensitive and hurt when I was rejected (Especially at home) that I had to find something that made me feel good and feel the way I wanted too..instead of just being me!

Recovery is amazing and it amazes me how much we still learn years later! It is awesome!!

Horse sorry that you are struggling with this-Glad that you shared!

Horselover

Rella - "I had to find something that made me feel good and feel the way I wanted too..instead of just being me!"

What was it you found?

Jersey Nonny

Oooooh...this really gave me a chuckle, because it hit so close to home!

Quote:

I can look at my thread and notice well so and so didn't put their name under my post and so they must not agree or most likely they think I'm a jerk.

In addition to being overly-sensitive, I think we can all agree we're also people pleasers...constantly looking for approval. I try to be tactful and diplomatic in the things I say on here; but, there will always be that one in maybe a hundred people who will take something I've said in the wrong way. That's the one danger of the written, rather than the spoken, word...you can't see the faces or hear the inflections.

Recently, someone IM'd me because he took offense at something I said...and, I don't think anything I could have said to explain my intentions would have changed his mind...so, I stopped trying. Instead, I have honored his "request" that we ignore one another's posts. So sad, because there was a time I considered him one of my SR friends...ah, well.

Do I look for the positive posts and affirmations? Do I appreciate them more than the negative responses? Well, of course I do! But, I think that's just human nature, and not necessarily exclusive to alcoholics...at least I'd like to think so. Remember Sally Fields' academy award acceptance speech, "You like me...you really like me!!!"

Quote:

I am probably not just over sensitive but a little on the mental side.

Wish I had a dollar for everytime I've said, "We're here because we're not all there." Join the club, Horselover...you're in good company!