Not his DOC.......
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Not his DOC.......
Last night my guy came home extremely tired and not wanting to talk. I felt like something was up...... and I did what I do best..... INTERROGATE! He didn't want to talk- but I kept pushing it.
I found (2) 2mg xanax ladders last night (saying he was going to tell me about them today) and caught him with N20. First found the whipped cream canister telling me it was in his van and that my son had asked about it- he told him it was a tire pressure gauge (?) - and that he put it in his back pack to get it out of his van. Yet- a half hour later - found him in the guest room with it still........ AND with a box of blue n20 cannisters under the bed. We had a pretty big argument about it - I thought I was going out of my mind. ALTHOUGH - he isn't doing oxy. He is still getting adderall and Xanax from his doctor - and I'm sure he'll be up the mountain in the next week to get the refill. He's back to doing it "his" way..... I don't know how I got sucked back into all of this again. Last night - I completely lost it..... when he did a big screw you to me and did N20 right in front of me. (He was mad because I took his xanax). So- I gave it back to him...... and then he was wanting to leave - but not wanting to leave. The codie in me was scared for him to leave - cause I was scared he would just get oxy if he did. (i'm regretting that now.) ....... I literally was going out of my mind- out of my body - just being told lie after lie. He said "screw you" ..... when I asked for the N20 ..... and he just did not cave...... no apologies.... nothing..... he was mad at me for "stealing" his personal property (xanax) - calling me a rat and a thief. I told him that I would call 911..... and he said that would just result in my kids going to CPS. So - I went off the deep end..... and said **** IT......... I want some N20! Just let ME escape and numb myself. He thought I was trapping him and I told him that I just wanted to not hurt and feel so crazy. So we did it together (no laughing - not fun - just just to kill the pain)...... and he passed out. I KNOW that was not the right thing to do - I just wanted to STOP all of the frustration - agony - pain.... basically escape! WARPED - I KNOW! Also - I figured if I did it too - then I wouldn't be so angry with him for doing it. He didn't have much left - so that was good. I've done it with him once before about a year ago.... and then yearsssssssssss ago once at a Grateful Dead concert.
I went to sleep last night finding compassion in me that he has a problem and he needs help. I'll be honest though..... when he came home last night- I had a feeling something wasn't right..... and then all the lying and the verbal abuse makes me physically want to check out....... just to numb my pain! I HATE THIS!!!!!!!!!! I hate that it's 50/50...... where he is perfect prince charming..... father figure...... and then BAM ---- he is back to being addict guy. I hate that I get sucked in to believing that things are going to be different *this time*.
He KNOWS that I will not allow him to be high here on the oxy or detox here; however- these other drugs are popping up. All last week - he was on adderall and xanax. My thing is that I know what it is that he is doing..... he is self- medicating. I'd almost be okay with dosing him the adderall - as prescribed - same with the xanax............ but he won't let me. He doesn't think I'll do that - so he hides it from me. EVEN though I have told him I would! He really needs HELP..... is what he needs. But he is not doing it the right way. IMO. He is an addict and he goes pedal to the metal - and then runs out and gets into a depression. Do I think he has ADD? idk.... maybe? God - I wish he would just get real with himself..... and just quit all the secrets and the lies. He's really proud of himself that out of 100 days ---- 80 of them have been clean off of oxy..... which I can see his point.... but is that really good? Is that really a foundation to be going from? NO. He probably hasn't yet reached his bottom - which is why he is still self-medicating and not addressing his main issues. His argument is that the adds and xanax are Rx'd..... so it must be okay!
We talked today. More like I talked... he didn't say much. Didn't have much to say. I told him that the real issue with "me" ...... lies with me and my codependence. Looking for all that he is not doing right and not concentrating on myself - cause if I was concentrating only on me then I wouldn't have time to give a care to what he is doing....... ya know? THEN - he ALONE is forced to deal with his own issues...... and he will come to whatever he needs to on his own. He told me that I cause him to do drugs last night..... cause I get him so wound up..... and he may as well use if I think he is using. To which my reply was....... "you are not in recovery if you have that kind of attitude!" SO....... I'm just not going to ask..... not going to look for it...... just focus on myself. Sounds reasonable - but doing it IS the hard part. My thing is that being gone these past 2 weekends - it's been really chaotic for me.... so I'm getting back in the swing of things......... going back to al-anon meetings and getting myself back together again. I don't want to play a role in his toxicity and darkness. He even asked me if I would regret doing the N20 last night..... I knew I would - but I did it anyway. I just wanted it to be gone - (he wouldn't hand it over) .... and damn it.... I wanted to just "check out". I can't explain to you just how crazy of a night it was.
He apologized just a little bit ago .... saying that it hurts him to see that he hurts me so much. I feel numb.
He's gone now to help my brother with some networking computer issues - in the back of his mind- he is wondering if it's some sort of trap..... isn't that sad?
We have a trip back east together the end of this month to visit his family. Probably not the best idea to plan something so far out - considering the situation. But it was planned when I didn't know he was using the adderall / xanax. (again - it's rx'd...... but his doc doesn't know he is an addict) In fact.... he still lied about even using it... saying he only took half a pill... yet they are all gone. (says he flushed them). However, the drug test showed positive for the add and the xanax...... but since it wasn't oxy - I let it go.
Enough about him.... literally. My moving forward with him - it's like I have to accept that there are lies - believe nothing he "says".... and not count on him...... and "let him go"...... keep working my program........ and just keep the hope that he does come to terms with this. NOT let things like hiding other things from me that aren't oxy bother me........ or even care. He is the only one to figure this out. I'm in deep...... I know.
PS.... the xanax is now in plain site for us both to see...... which I am comfortable with. He said he "found it" from his storage unit - which I don't believe. I'm sure he got it from someone. - considering he told me that he had thrown out the stash he had - which clearly is a lie too.
BTW - *This is exactly what I mean from earlier replies to other threads about being with an addict....... expect the unexpected. 6 days ago - I didn't even think for a second that this was going to go down........ we were so happy! When we are happy - that is "my" high..... and I think it's going to last forever. I let my guard down - and then BOOM ...... it all just manifests into something else. At LEAST- it's not opiates.
I found (2) 2mg xanax ladders last night (saying he was going to tell me about them today) and caught him with N20. First found the whipped cream canister telling me it was in his van and that my son had asked about it- he told him it was a tire pressure gauge (?) - and that he put it in his back pack to get it out of his van. Yet- a half hour later - found him in the guest room with it still........ AND with a box of blue n20 cannisters under the bed. We had a pretty big argument about it - I thought I was going out of my mind. ALTHOUGH - he isn't doing oxy. He is still getting adderall and Xanax from his doctor - and I'm sure he'll be up the mountain in the next week to get the refill. He's back to doing it "his" way..... I don't know how I got sucked back into all of this again. Last night - I completely lost it..... when he did a big screw you to me and did N20 right in front of me. (He was mad because I took his xanax). So- I gave it back to him...... and then he was wanting to leave - but not wanting to leave. The codie in me was scared for him to leave - cause I was scared he would just get oxy if he did. (i'm regretting that now.) ....... I literally was going out of my mind- out of my body - just being told lie after lie. He said "screw you" ..... when I asked for the N20 ..... and he just did not cave...... no apologies.... nothing..... he was mad at me for "stealing" his personal property (xanax) - calling me a rat and a thief. I told him that I would call 911..... and he said that would just result in my kids going to CPS. So - I went off the deep end..... and said **** IT......... I want some N20! Just let ME escape and numb myself. He thought I was trapping him and I told him that I just wanted to not hurt and feel so crazy. So we did it together (no laughing - not fun - just just to kill the pain)...... and he passed out. I KNOW that was not the right thing to do - I just wanted to STOP all of the frustration - agony - pain.... basically escape! WARPED - I KNOW! Also - I figured if I did it too - then I wouldn't be so angry with him for doing it. He didn't have much left - so that was good. I've done it with him once before about a year ago.... and then yearsssssssssss ago once at a Grateful Dead concert.
I went to sleep last night finding compassion in me that he has a problem and he needs help. I'll be honest though..... when he came home last night- I had a feeling something wasn't right..... and then all the lying and the verbal abuse makes me physically want to check out....... just to numb my pain! I HATE THIS!!!!!!!!!! I hate that it's 50/50...... where he is perfect prince charming..... father figure...... and then BAM ---- he is back to being addict guy. I hate that I get sucked in to believing that things are going to be different *this time*.
He KNOWS that I will not allow him to be high here on the oxy or detox here; however- these other drugs are popping up. All last week - he was on adderall and xanax. My thing is that I know what it is that he is doing..... he is self- medicating. I'd almost be okay with dosing him the adderall - as prescribed - same with the xanax............ but he won't let me. He doesn't think I'll do that - so he hides it from me. EVEN though I have told him I would! He really needs HELP..... is what he needs. But he is not doing it the right way. IMO. He is an addict and he goes pedal to the metal - and then runs out and gets into a depression. Do I think he has ADD? idk.... maybe? God - I wish he would just get real with himself..... and just quit all the secrets and the lies. He's really proud of himself that out of 100 days ---- 80 of them have been clean off of oxy..... which I can see his point.... but is that really good? Is that really a foundation to be going from? NO. He probably hasn't yet reached his bottom - which is why he is still self-medicating and not addressing his main issues. His argument is that the adds and xanax are Rx'd..... so it must be okay!
We talked today. More like I talked... he didn't say much. Didn't have much to say. I told him that the real issue with "me" ...... lies with me and my codependence. Looking for all that he is not doing right and not concentrating on myself - cause if I was concentrating only on me then I wouldn't have time to give a care to what he is doing....... ya know? THEN - he ALONE is forced to deal with his own issues...... and he will come to whatever he needs to on his own. He told me that I cause him to do drugs last night..... cause I get him so wound up..... and he may as well use if I think he is using. To which my reply was....... "you are not in recovery if you have that kind of attitude!" SO....... I'm just not going to ask..... not going to look for it...... just focus on myself. Sounds reasonable - but doing it IS the hard part. My thing is that being gone these past 2 weekends - it's been really chaotic for me.... so I'm getting back in the swing of things......... going back to al-anon meetings and getting myself back together again. I don't want to play a role in his toxicity and darkness. He even asked me if I would regret doing the N20 last night..... I knew I would - but I did it anyway. I just wanted it to be gone - (he wouldn't hand it over) .... and damn it.... I wanted to just "check out". I can't explain to you just how crazy of a night it was.
He apologized just a little bit ago .... saying that it hurts him to see that he hurts me so much. I feel numb.
He's gone now to help my brother with some networking computer issues - in the back of his mind- he is wondering if it's some sort of trap..... isn't that sad?
We have a trip back east together the end of this month to visit his family. Probably not the best idea to plan something so far out - considering the situation. But it was planned when I didn't know he was using the adderall / xanax. (again - it's rx'd...... but his doc doesn't know he is an addict) In fact.... he still lied about even using it... saying he only took half a pill... yet they are all gone. (says he flushed them). However, the drug test showed positive for the add and the xanax...... but since it wasn't oxy - I let it go.
Enough about him.... literally. My moving forward with him - it's like I have to accept that there are lies - believe nothing he "says".... and not count on him...... and "let him go"...... keep working my program........ and just keep the hope that he does come to terms with this. NOT let things like hiding other things from me that aren't oxy bother me........ or even care. He is the only one to figure this out. I'm in deep...... I know.
PS.... the xanax is now in plain site for us both to see...... which I am comfortable with. He said he "found it" from his storage unit - which I don't believe. I'm sure he got it from someone. - considering he told me that he had thrown out the stash he had - which clearly is a lie too.
BTW - *This is exactly what I mean from earlier replies to other threads about being with an addict....... expect the unexpected. 6 days ago - I didn't even think for a second that this was going to go down........ we were so happy! When we are happy - that is "my" high..... and I think it's going to last forever. I let my guard down - and then BOOM ...... it all just manifests into something else. At LEAST- it's not opiates.
Last edited by Abundance; 09-11-2008 at 05:16 PM.
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(((Abundance)))
This is MY experience, only, but I started abusing substances in order to deal with the A's in my life. Now, that doesn't mean YOU will turn into an addict, but I can clearly see that my descent into addiction he!! began with being a codie. I was totally in love with him, scared to death he would leave me, put up with all kinds of crap, and it hurt....really, really bad.
You're walking a dangerous road, sweetie, and you need to get the focus back on you.
It doesn't sound, to me, like he is wanting to recover. He's still lying, he's still blaming you, and he's still abusing something. If he were truly wanting recovery, he would be going to a doctor, being totally honest and following the doctors recommendations.
I'm sorry you're going through this, but it honestly sounds like it's getting worse instead of better. I know the majority of codies don't turn into addicts, and I'm sure I was predisposed to it anyway, but it's a scary thing when we turn to any substance to deal with the pain someone else is causing us.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
This is MY experience, only, but I started abusing substances in order to deal with the A's in my life. Now, that doesn't mean YOU will turn into an addict, but I can clearly see that my descent into addiction he!! began with being a codie. I was totally in love with him, scared to death he would leave me, put up with all kinds of crap, and it hurt....really, really bad.
You're walking a dangerous road, sweetie, and you need to get the focus back on you.
It doesn't sound, to me, like he is wanting to recover. He's still lying, he's still blaming you, and he's still abusing something. If he were truly wanting recovery, he would be going to a doctor, being totally honest and following the doctors recommendations.
I'm sorry you're going through this, but it honestly sounds like it's getting worse instead of better. I know the majority of codies don't turn into addicts, and I'm sure I was predisposed to it anyway, but it's a scary thing when we turn to any substance to deal with the pain someone else is causing us.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Ok. First off what's " a ladder" and what's with the whip cream cannisters?
I am ignorant of prescription drug abuse.
You always have a choice and you know the consequences of addiction and life with an addict. If you " check-out" whose going to be there, for your kids? Can you flush the Xanax away and be done with it?
I am ignorant of prescription drug abuse.
You always have a choice and you know the consequences of addiction and life with an addict. If you " check-out" whose going to be there, for your kids? Can you flush the Xanax away and be done with it?
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Amy - I know.... 
It concerns me - not so much of me becoming addicted to n20.... cause that is not the problem. The problem is how I handled it last night..... cross the board. Totally panicked..... freaked out... 911 threats..... just became a lunatic. Totally became unglued and frantic. Quite honestly - what scares me the most is that is how I react.
What I should have done is said... hello/goodnight all in the same 5 minutes.... and acted today in calm conversation. But actually...... he slept until about noon.... and has been lying around until about an hour ago. Not wanting to talk and feeling completely freaked out by my freak out last night. So- had I of waited until HE was ready...... when would that be? When is it a good time to say ....... HEY..... I KNOW THE TRUTH via evidence?!
It concerns me - not so much of me becoming addicted to n20.... cause that is not the problem. The problem is how I handled it last night..... cross the board. Totally panicked..... freaked out... 911 threats..... just became a lunatic. Totally became unglued and frantic. Quite honestly - what scares me the most is that is how I react.
What I should have done is said... hello/goodnight all in the same 5 minutes.... and acted today in calm conversation. But actually...... he slept until about noon.... and has been lying around until about an hour ago. Not wanting to talk and feeling completely freaked out by my freak out last night. So- had I of waited until HE was ready...... when would that be? When is it a good time to say ....... HEY..... I KNOW THE TRUTH via evidence?!
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Maybe it's time to stop talking and start acting?
You KNOW he's going to lie....he's proven that time and time again. The point is, what are you going to do about it?
I totally remember freaking out in total desperation. I once begged XABF #1 to hit me, because the bruises would heal faster than the pain in my heart....how sick is that? The thing is, I stayed with him for 20 years! Then picked 2 more addicts. Now, I'm almost 47 and have never had a relationship with a man who wasn't an addict?
I don't want to see you make the same mistakes I did.
I just feel like you've both talked this to death, and he's not showing any improvement by his actions. Yeah, maybe he's not doing the oxy's but he's still avoiding life by abusing other stuff. He's just trying to find something else to take the place of oxy's. Most of the time, when we A's do that, we eventually find our way back to our DOC.
I will never say "give up hope" because as long as the A is breathing there is hope. But you deserve more than beating your head against a wall for someone who isn't serious about recovery.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
You KNOW he's going to lie....he's proven that time and time again. The point is, what are you going to do about it?
I totally remember freaking out in total desperation. I once begged XABF #1 to hit me, because the bruises would heal faster than the pain in my heart....how sick is that? The thing is, I stayed with him for 20 years! Then picked 2 more addicts. Now, I'm almost 47 and have never had a relationship with a man who wasn't an addict?
I don't want to see you make the same mistakes I did.
I just feel like you've both talked this to death, and he's not showing any improvement by his actions. Yeah, maybe he's not doing the oxy's but he's still avoiding life by abusing other stuff. He's just trying to find something else to take the place of oxy's. Most of the time, when we A's do that, we eventually find our way back to our DOC.
I will never say "give up hope" because as long as the A is breathing there is hope. But you deserve more than beating your head against a wall for someone who isn't serious about recovery.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Originally Posted by outtolunch 
Ok. First off what's " a ladder" and what's with the whip cream cannisters?
I am ignorant of prescription drug abuse.
You always have a choice and you know the consequences of addiction and life with an addict. If you " check-out" whose going to be there, for your kids? Can you flush the Xanax away and be done with it?
I am ignorant of prescription drug abuse.
You always have a choice and you know the consequences of addiction and life with an addict. If you " check-out" whose going to be there, for your kids? Can you flush the Xanax away and be done with it?
Whip cream canister is the device used to put the n20 in. I researched it later - and n20 has direct interaction with the endogenous opiod system. *Which totally explains his draw to it - right? SO - that is another drug off the list now. Although - it does not rank high on the addiction scale.
It is getting SO much worse in how I'm dealing with it! I know. We are going to have to have a serious talk .... I need to figure out what it is that I am willing to tolerate.... and what is my bottom line. I feel as though - if I don't ask.... that might help? I'm totally roped back in - I've lost my footing..... I see action half the time....... and then I see it all collapse - with having to pick up the pieces. I told him that I will not "hear" his... "I'm going to do this or that....." ...... I'm just counting on action. Thing is.... is he knows that I'm at my witts end.... which then just makes him more depressed.... and want to self medicate - which it really is true then - that I am causing it.
Last edited by greeteachday; 09-11-2008 at 08:39 PM.
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Amy - Your post brought tears to my eyes. I told him the same thing today..... that this pain .... it makes me want to hurt myself.... just so that he can see ... and KNOW ... just how horrible it is. IT IS CRAZY. I realize that. Sometimes I just want to die because it is so painful. That scares me! It scares him .... but then also probably makes him feel like I'm the one with the problem.
It's when it's THIS bad that I just wish I was done with it..... but then when it's good.... I'm so grateful I hung on.
I have only attracted addicts as well. But with *him*...... I have SO much hope...... enough hope obviously to put myself in hell half the time.
It's when it's THIS bad that I just wish I was done with it..... but then when it's good.... I'm so grateful I hung on.
I have only attracted addicts as well. But with *him*...... I have SO much hope...... enough hope obviously to put myself in hell half the time.
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When we only attract the addicts, it's time to look at US and figure out why. This is why I haven't been in a relationship since XABF #3.
As far as thinking you're causing him to self-medicate, or use, or whatever, that's BS. I can tell you, right now, that there is not a person or situation that could make me use. Yes, I have some recovery under my belt, but that doesn't change the situation. When I relapsed, I went through pure he!! for several months after. I had every reason to say "f it" and go back to using.
But I didn't. I was done. I had hit bottom.
Go back to the 3 c's...you didn't CAUSE it, you can't CURE it, and you can't CHANGE it.
An A will always blame someone else for their actions. "you made me do it" is straight out of our addict manual
Funny thing...no one ever held a gun to my head and made me smoke crack.
I know, that for me, no matter what anyone told me, I had to find MY bottom with the A's in my life. I'm just hoping you find yours soon.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
As far as thinking you're causing him to self-medicate, or use, or whatever, that's BS. I can tell you, right now, that there is not a person or situation that could make me use. Yes, I have some recovery under my belt, but that doesn't change the situation. When I relapsed, I went through pure he!! for several months after. I had every reason to say "f it" and go back to using.
But I didn't. I was done. I had hit bottom.
Go back to the 3 c's...you didn't CAUSE it, you can't CURE it, and you can't CHANGE it.
An A will always blame someone else for their actions. "you made me do it" is straight out of our addict manual
Funny thing...no one ever held a gun to my head and made me smoke crack.I know, that for me, no matter what anyone told me, I had to find MY bottom with the A's in my life. I'm just hoping you find yours soon.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Originally Posted by Done-With-It
Whip cream is also kind of like a whip it. I don't know if it's harmful,
but it's not addictive.
but it's not addictive.
Last edited by greeteachday; 09-11-2008 at 08:39 PM. Reason: unneccessary info to put on a recovery site
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Well.... this relationship without a doubt is making me - forcing me to look at my own issues. I should have done it when I was 25 - after divorcing the addict husband. But I didn't. NOW.... I am. I really believe we can do it together... and face our issues together.... but clearly... that is not happening.... which means I have not hit my bottom - nor has he. I feel like I have and then .... down further I go.
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Hi sweetie. Boy, a lot has happened in the last week or so. Last time I talked to you, you were getting ready to go to Berkely for the weekend. Boy are you ever so right about the BAM!!
I know exactly what you are going through. Friday night my BF and I laid there, held each other, laughed, talked, it was amazing. And over and over we told each other how it felt so right to be with one another. If only I could have savored that moment for another few days. Yesterday was my BAM. He had a few oxy and a few vic. and now, there is a new drug!!
A homemade "legal" recipe. And it's cheap, go figure. It's called poppyseed tea. I'm afraid he's going to overdose and kill himself cuz it says right on the directions that it is potent and lots of people have died from o.d. I just want to scream!!
I can relate to you doing what you did to get rid of the pain. Oh how badly I would have loved to pop a couple of his oxy's just to make this go away for a while - so I wouldn't care or worry so much. Look at what THEIR illness is doing to US!
And it's true, we are as addicted to them as they are the drugs. I started my therapy today and am really looking forward to going weekly.
I can't really offer you much advice considering I wouldn't do it myself because I am a major codie but hang in there sweetie. I am praying for you.
Hugs and Prayers
I know exactly what you are going through. Friday night my BF and I laid there, held each other, laughed, talked, it was amazing. And over and over we told each other how it felt so right to be with one another. If only I could have savored that moment for another few days.
Yesterday was my BAM. He had a few oxy and a few vic. and now, there is a new drug!!A homemade "legal" recipe. And it's cheap, go figure. It's called poppyseed tea. I'm afraid he's going to overdose and kill himself cuz it says right on the directions that it is potent and lots of people have died from o.d. I just want to scream!!
I can relate to you doing what you did to get rid of the pain. Oh how badly I would have loved to pop a couple of his oxy's just to make this go away for a while - so I wouldn't care or worry so much. Look at what THEIR illness is doing to US!
And it's true, we are as addicted to them as they are the drugs. I started my therapy today and am really looking forward to going weekly.
I can't really offer you much advice considering I wouldn't do it myself because I am a major codie but hang in there sweetie. I am praying for you.
Hugs and Prayers
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[QUOTE=Abundance;1906151]N20 is called "hippycrack"...... it *can* be addictive though. There are stories of it... but I've never known personally someone who has been.
We just called them whip its. Never heard of anyone being addicted to it.
That just seems bizarre to me, but I guess anything is possible.
I've seen them plenty of them.
We started them in jr. high
We just called them whip its. Never heard of anyone being addicted to it.
That just seems bizarre to me, but I guess anything is possible.
I've seen them plenty of them.
We started them in jr. high
Last edited by greeteachday; 09-11-2008 at 08:40 PM.
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FS.... geeeeeeeeeezus. I can just picture my guy now doing something of the same as your guy. Opiates are NOT okay in anyway shape or form.... so he just needs to go do THAT.... and yeah.... I'm done. FOR REAL. I mean that. At least I sure as heck better.... my family will do an intervention on ME if I didn't. Heck... if they see things not get better - they will.
The thing is ... is that my guy needs some sort of medication. He is on prozac now.... but he has to get on something else and do therapy. Is he waiting for me to make his appointments? I have no idea what in the heck is going on in his brain! Now that I'm home and things are getting back to normal.... and his friend is done visiting... it's going to get interesting.... with what he does and does not do. I can see it in his eyes just how terrified he is.
As for me..... I have to get to an al-anon meeting FAST! He is so sick of all this recovery stuff... and talking about it.... where I am not. I need it to survive. So that's pretty telling isn't it?
I told him on Monday... that if he is not doing his recovery and I am...... there is not a chance for us to survive as a couple.
Hugs and prayers to you too. I'm so happy for you that you are doing the therapy and educating yourself about this. At least if not for this relationship.... you and I both - will be healthy for the next ones. Although- I will be clear from another one for blinking ages.... just to mend from this one. But I'm not there - yet - .... and can't even think about being apart - let alone with someone else.
The thing is ... is that my guy needs some sort of medication. He is on prozac now.... but he has to get on something else and do therapy. Is he waiting for me to make his appointments? I have no idea what in the heck is going on in his brain! Now that I'm home and things are getting back to normal.... and his friend is done visiting... it's going to get interesting.... with what he does and does not do. I can see it in his eyes just how terrified he is.
As for me..... I have to get to an al-anon meeting FAST! He is so sick of all this recovery stuff... and talking about it.... where I am not. I need it to survive. So that's pretty telling isn't it?
I told him on Monday... that if he is not doing his recovery and I am...... there is not a chance for us to survive as a couple.
Hugs and prayers to you too. I'm so happy for you that you are doing the therapy and educating yourself about this. At least if not for this relationship.... you and I both - will be healthy for the next ones. Although- I will be clear from another one for blinking ages.... just to mend from this one. But I'm not there - yet - .... and can't even think about being apart - let alone with someone else.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by Abundance
Well.... this relationship without a doubt is making me - forcing me to look at my own issues. I should have done it when I was 25 - after divorcing the addict husband. But I didn't. NOW.... I am. I really believe we can do it together... and face our issues together.... but clearly... that is not happening.... which means I have not hit my bottom - nor has he. I feel like I have and then .... down further I go.
Most people can go through life with the fantasy that they have some sort of control over what other people do. Those of us who love an addict are put in the position of realizing that we have no control over anyone other than ourselves and man oh man, that can be frustrating.
What might be the outcome, if you substituted "I" for the "we" part and faced your own demons, head-on, instead of remaining dependent upon someone else's participation?
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,307
Originally Posted by Done-With-It
We just called them whip its. Never heard of anyone being addicted to it.
That just seems bizarre to me, but I guess anything is possible.
I've seen them plenty of them. We started them in jr. high
That just seems bizarre to me, but I guess anything is possible.
I've seen them plenty of them.
We started them in jr. highMember
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,307
Originally Posted by outtolunch
It seems that the source of your frustration and crazies is that he is not participating in the we part. Know what I mean?
Most people can go through life with the fantasy that they have some sort of control over what other people do. Those of us who love an addict are put in the position of realizing that we have no control over anyone other than ourselves and man oh man, that can be frustrating.
What might be the outcome, if you substituted "I" for the "we" part and faced your own demons, head-on, instead of remaining dependent upon someone else's participation?
Most people can go through life with the fantasy that they have some sort of control over what other people do. Those of us who love an addict are put in the position of realizing that we have no control over anyone other than ourselves and man oh man, that can be frustrating.
What might be the outcome, if you substituted "I" for the "we" part and faced your own demons, head-on, instead of remaining dependent upon someone else's participation?
That is great advice. And whatever the turn out is with "us"... then it is. That is what I kept telling myself today.... "it is what it is"..... asking myself about my part and role in all of this. Just clean my act up.... focus on me...... quit it with him and his issues.
I am less obsessive now than before- UNTIL I am faced with the evidence of lies. Then I totally lose it. I just boil inside and then re-act. So - I figure if I don't ask... don't look... just BE in MY reality..... work MY recovery .... then all is good in the hood with me.
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Join Date: Dec 2007
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Originally Posted by outtolunch
I am nominating this as perhaps the goofiest question ever posed to this forum.....and it clearly shows my ignorance:
What becomes of the good part, the whip cream?
What becomes of the good part, the whip cream?
(thank you for that!) there is no whip cream in the canister....... just the n20.... the air that comes out of the nozzle. Basically it's laughing gas that the dentists give.
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