Popping back in to read and say hello
Can't make sense out of crazy.
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: In the Bluegrass, Baby!
Posts: 211
Popping back in to read and say hello
Hello!
I havent been posting, but have been reading here some, I dont have regular access to a computer at the moment, so that makes it difficult (says the dummy who signed up for a fulltime class load, all of them online course!) I will have a computer once my student loan money comes in a week or so.
Anyhow. AH went about a month not drinking. In 6 weeks he'd only gone to three of his AA meetings (which were church sponsored and on Friday nights), and I could see as the weeks went on that he was fizzling out with becoming/staying sober.
Last weekend I went over to his apt and I noticed he was keeping his distance physically from me, which is so not him. I got close and smelled alcohol on him. I waited a while to figure out how to approach it and he came and sat next to me. I looked at him and asked"so, what are you drinking?" He says "nothing!" I give him that "come on, I'm not stupid, I can smell it on you" look and then he adds, "nothing - right now."Plus prior to this, I had found out that he had been talking to and visiting with his main drinking buddy. And he wasnt following through with anything he said he would do.
Which doesn't surprise me in the least but I gave him his chance and he didn't run with it. So, time to move on.
So, I said, "well, I've got to get going" and got up and left. And for a few days didnt talk to him at all. Then the other morning after my getting my kids off to school, I locked the doors and went back to bed for a while.
I wake up to someone touching me to wake me up which scared the living daylights out of me, since I knew the doors were locked!
He had climbed into a window on my back porch to get in.
So, he was all "I miss you sooooo much, you cant imagine how much I miss you." and all "I love you, I may be crazy and f'ed up mentally, but I love you like I've never known anyone else in my life" "I've been loving you for 1/2 my lifetime" and on and on. "Just let me hold you, let me hug you."
And I was mad at him for coming in unannounced through my window and mad at him for screwing up his last chance with our marriage, ect...just not feeling the love at all and he could tell.
Now he cant stop doing enough for me. Bought me a cell phone, fixed my car, gives me money, whatever I need/want.
And he wants to still act like we are an old married couple. But I'm done.
And he knows it. He's taken off his wedding ring again. And when he's hugging on me, I just cant bring on the loving feelings and sincerely hug back. He tells me he loves me and I have nothing to say in response.
I will always love him, always. But it's clear that he can not make me happy and in fact all he does is bring me down & keep me from making any positive forward progress with my life.
The last time he told me he loved me, I said "Well, you know I love you, but one of us has to end this roller coaster, merry-go-round ride cycle. I can not live like this anymore."
And that was that.
I'm feeling more and more like my feelings towards him are dead and gone for the most part. I'm remembering more of the bad now than of the good.
I'm sad and defeated feeling, but at the same time I guess I've come to accept that this is the way it is. He's not going to be changing anytime soon, his choice.
I'm feeling like I need to move to my own house/apt with my girls and leave this house we shared behind. I'm feeling like cleaning up all the clutter in my life and moving on. I'm sorry my husband gets left behind, but he's only dragging me down, keeping me in the cycle that gives me hope for a short while then shatters me all over again. Over and over.
I can not live that way any longer, its just crazy-making.
I'm in week three of the four week hiring process at the hospital I interviewed at, I am praying by the end of the month I'll be a nurse there, which will help greatly in the dependency on AH dept.
I can't wait to work and earn my own money & pay my own bills and not have to be dependent on AH. I know that will help my moving on process a whole bunch.
Meanwhile I'm doing my school work (going on to get my RN degree) and just trying to get to the end of the day without the world falling apart!
I havent been posting, but have been reading here some, I dont have regular access to a computer at the moment, so that makes it difficult (says the dummy who signed up for a fulltime class load, all of them online course!) I will have a computer once my student loan money comes in a week or so.
Anyhow. AH went about a month not drinking. In 6 weeks he'd only gone to three of his AA meetings (which were church sponsored and on Friday nights), and I could see as the weeks went on that he was fizzling out with becoming/staying sober.
Last weekend I went over to his apt and I noticed he was keeping his distance physically from me, which is so not him. I got close and smelled alcohol on him. I waited a while to figure out how to approach it and he came and sat next to me. I looked at him and asked"so, what are you drinking?" He says "nothing!" I give him that "come on, I'm not stupid, I can smell it on you" look and then he adds, "nothing - right now."Plus prior to this, I had found out that he had been talking to and visiting with his main drinking buddy. And he wasnt following through with anything he said he would do.
Which doesn't surprise me in the least but I gave him his chance and he didn't run with it. So, time to move on.
So, I said, "well, I've got to get going" and got up and left. And for a few days didnt talk to him at all. Then the other morning after my getting my kids off to school, I locked the doors and went back to bed for a while.
I wake up to someone touching me to wake me up which scared the living daylights out of me, since I knew the doors were locked!
He had climbed into a window on my back porch to get in.
So, he was all "I miss you sooooo much, you cant imagine how much I miss you." and all "I love you, I may be crazy and f'ed up mentally, but I love you like I've never known anyone else in my life" "I've been loving you for 1/2 my lifetime" and on and on. "Just let me hold you, let me hug you."
And I was mad at him for coming in unannounced through my window and mad at him for screwing up his last chance with our marriage, ect...just not feeling the love at all and he could tell.
Now he cant stop doing enough for me. Bought me a cell phone, fixed my car, gives me money, whatever I need/want.
And he wants to still act like we are an old married couple. But I'm done.
And he knows it. He's taken off his wedding ring again. And when he's hugging on me, I just cant bring on the loving feelings and sincerely hug back. He tells me he loves me and I have nothing to say in response.
I will always love him, always. But it's clear that he can not make me happy and in fact all he does is bring me down & keep me from making any positive forward progress with my life.
The last time he told me he loved me, I said "Well, you know I love you, but one of us has to end this roller coaster, merry-go-round ride cycle. I can not live like this anymore."
And that was that.
I'm feeling more and more like my feelings towards him are dead and gone for the most part. I'm remembering more of the bad now than of the good.
I'm sad and defeated feeling, but at the same time I guess I've come to accept that this is the way it is. He's not going to be changing anytime soon, his choice.
I'm feeling like I need to move to my own house/apt with my girls and leave this house we shared behind. I'm feeling like cleaning up all the clutter in my life and moving on. I'm sorry my husband gets left behind, but he's only dragging me down, keeping me in the cycle that gives me hope for a short while then shatters me all over again. Over and over.
I can not live that way any longer, its just crazy-making.
I'm in week three of the four week hiring process at the hospital I interviewed at, I am praying by the end of the month I'll be a nurse there, which will help greatly in the dependency on AH dept.
I can't wait to work and earn my own money & pay my own bills and not have to be dependent on AH. I know that will help my moving on process a whole bunch.
Meanwhile I'm doing my school work (going on to get my RN degree) and just trying to get to the end of the day without the world falling apart!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
Its good to hear from you and that you are doing well.
Please do call the cops next time he commits a felony. Yes, that is what breaking and entering is. He needs to understand he doesn't live there anymore and that he doesn't have the right to break into your home. This is at least twice when he has done this to you.
Please do call the cops next time he commits a felony. Yes, that is what breaking and entering is. He needs to understand he doesn't live there anymore and that he doesn't have the right to break into your home. This is at least twice when he has done this to you.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 444
Thanks for the update - I have been wondering how you were doing. Sorry to hear things did not go as you had hoped, but sounds like you have accepted that this is how things are and know that you did everything you could. That is a good place to be for you to be able to move forward.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: The beautiful Midwest
Posts: 202
Stephanie, if I were you I would have my locks changed and make sure all windows are locked as well. I agree with Barb that next time, call the police.
Glad that you are still reading and posting here. I have been wondering how things were going for you. Keep your chin up. Sounds like you know what you need to do.
Glad that you are still reading and posting here. I have been wondering how things were going for you. Keep your chin up. Sounds like you know what you need to do.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in the present moment
Posts: 2,060
Originally Posted by strongerwoman 
And he wants to still act like we are an old married couple.
But I'm done.
And he knows it. He's taken off his wedding ring again.
And when he's hugging on me,.................!
But I'm done.
And he knows it. He's taken off his wedding ring again.
And when he's hugging on me,.................!
I, too, am so happy you are back sharing how its going. In time, you will find it clearer and less confusing. Good luck and Good job on your positive changes!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
I wake up to someone touching me to wake me up which scared the living daylights out of me, since I knew the doors were locked!
He had climbed into a window on my back porch to get in.
Both these things would scare the living cr** out of me!!!!!!!!!!!!
:praying Sending you a big prayer that you get that job!!!
Peace,
B.
He had climbed into a window on my back porch to get in.
Both these things would scare the living cr** out of me!!!!!!!!!!!!
:praying Sending you a big prayer that you get that job!!!
Peace,
B.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
It IS very scary. I had it happen more than once, I did not call the cops because I knew little would be done about it and he would get his revenge. I HAD to move. I moved far enough away that I would never ever have to run into him or anyone who knew him. Then I was free.
I agree that there are mixed messages and he could turn angry, you know your situation best, I simply advise caution.
I agree that there are mixed messages and he could turn angry, you know your situation best, I simply advise caution.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: looking for the sun in cold MN
Posts: 775
Good to hear from you Stephanie. I hope everything goes well with your job hunt and school- you sound busy like me. And take care- he's given you a lot to deal with- but I know you are up for it.
Recovering Codependant
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Liverpool, Great Britain
Posts: 1,335
Steph, great to here from you, you sound as though you are making lots of progress for you!
Your AH is acting very scary - breaking and entering into your home, molesting you, very very scary. Completely crossing all boundaries I should think.
Keep your communication clear to him - allowing him to hug on you, accepting gifts of money phones etc, this is all clouding your stance of ''it is over''.
Protect yourself
Good luck with the job!
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Your AH is acting very scary - breaking and entering into your home, molesting you, very very scary. Completely crossing all boundaries I should think.
Keep your communication clear to him - allowing him to hug on you, accepting gifts of money phones etc, this is all clouding your stance of ''it is over''.
Protect yourself
Good luck with the job!
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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