Exhaustedwife

Old 09-09-2008, 07:08 PM
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Exhaustedwife

Just wanted to say hello. I'm new to this and hope someone can shed some light on my situation. My husband is a crack addict and was clean 8 yrs. before we were married. We've been together 3 years now and to my surprise he relapsed Nov. last year. He did go into a program and stopped for maybe 2 months if, I don't even know now. But, he's using again. Still goes to his meetings yet still using and I'm ready to leave. What not because he's still using because I was and am willing to stick by him but because he's starting to be mean and treating me bad. I feel as though I'm going crazy just trying to deal with this now. Please any advice

Last edited by exhaustedwife; 09-09-2008 at 07:11 PM. Reason: didn't use spell check
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Old 09-09-2008, 07:16 PM
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jnj
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I'm sooo sorry for what you're going through...I'm not sure I even know what to say....except...have you talked to him and is he admitting it or denying? Is he open to check himself in somewhere? You have to take care of yourself as well...maybe he needs something drastic ( you leaving) to get himself help...I have alot of friends who I was in rehab with last year and they are still drinking or worse...but I try to encourage them but they're not ready to stop....he has to be ready....or have an ultimatum or get arrested/ go to the hospital/ lose his job/ you...etc..you know what I mean....I don't know....but maybe you need to leave and be there after he gets help...but you can't lose yourself and get hurt along the way....good luck...hopefully someone has better insight...
Hugs!
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Old 09-09-2008, 07:39 PM
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Sending my prayers to you in this hard situation. Addicts normally don't treat others very well because the disease has them focused on their drug of choice. I agree with jnj - it is important that you take care of yourself.

A good way to start is to find a Nar Anon family group. That support (and posting here) can help you sort things out.

It's easy to say "just leave", and hard to do. And we always hold out hope. I've found it is just plain difficult to know what to do to help the addict - and in the meantime we forget about helping ourselves.

Prayers that you find a way to care for yourself no matter which decision you make - and prayers for clarity in making your decision.
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Old 09-10-2008, 06:21 AM
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Hi! Sorry to hear you're going throuth all this crap. I just left my CHH 2 months ago and it was the best thing in my life. They travel down a road of misery and pain and unless you want to go along for that ride, WALK AWAY NOW! I've been with mine for 17 years and you have to get out or you'll go down with him. I know it's hard but you can love him from afar if that's what's best for you.
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Old 09-10-2008, 07:23 AM
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It's always so sad to hear when someone has put together so much time resorts to using again. I will never understand the addictive mind. My exhusband is also a crack addict. It still kills me to know that he still walks down that road.

Whether you stay or go...start by taking care of you and focusing on your needs....do the things that you need to do rather than focusing on his addiction....I know how crazy it sounds...I mean how can you not focus on his addiction when it smacks you in the face everyday but it is possible when you put effort into it. After a while it becomes more effortless and your mind becomes clearer for you to make the decisions you need to make. Define some boundaries that you can hold yourself to.
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Old 09-10-2008, 08:32 AM
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Welcome to SR! All of us here love an addict, therefore, you are not alone. You will find support here. The addicts life is a very selfish life. You need to be good to yourself & take care of yourself, whether it means leaving or not, is your descision. I would certainly suggest keep posting here, read the other threads & naranon family group meetings (for you), you will find hope, understanding, experience and strength.

Hugs,
Chris
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