My 14yo has been smoking pot.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Union Mo
Posts: 655
My 14yo has been smoking pot.
Well youd think that my girls would be smarter than this. After all the fighting Ive done to get thru my owm addiction and all the legal trouble Ive had to do, Im just speachless. She doesnt even know that I know yet. It came from one of her friends that she hangs out with and is concerned. She wants me to say nothing to see if she can straighten her out 1st. Not sure what to do or even how to proceed. I want to kill her. I cant even imagine what her dad will do to her when he finds out. I want to go buy a home drug test lit that you can ge from walgreens but they arent that accurate. Ive known them to fail and show negative for someone who just smoked pot the day b4. Im just boiling. My oldest will just deny it all until I force her to test. And to think how much trust I put in her and how proud I was of her.
Im just sick.
Im just sick.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 471
Gwen - so sorry to hear about this!
My sister went through this with her boys - both pot and alcohol. One of them had to spend some time in jail before he figured it out. The other was a minor and they took him to a therapist. Both are clean at this time.
My sister did a great job of not showing how incredibly angry she was. She did confront them and tell them how concerned she was about it, and that it was illegal. In the case of the minor (who did not ever go to jail), she told him that it was unacceptable to smoke pot and he had the choice of therapy or treatment. He chose some therapy.
She also told both boys that she was doing random searches of their things and that all trust was on hold. Then she said if she found anything she would turn them in to the police. After this, they never found anything in the house. She also took the locks off their bedroom doors.
So - there are a lot of options. My sister also talked to her church youth minister and the therapist before doing these things. So- it may be helpful to get some outside advice.
Prayers that you find the right approach to get her to understand the gravity of what she is toying with.
My sister went through this with her boys - both pot and alcohol. One of them had to spend some time in jail before he figured it out. The other was a minor and they took him to a therapist. Both are clean at this time.
My sister did a great job of not showing how incredibly angry she was. She did confront them and tell them how concerned she was about it, and that it was illegal. In the case of the minor (who did not ever go to jail), she told him that it was unacceptable to smoke pot and he had the choice of therapy or treatment. He chose some therapy.
She also told both boys that she was doing random searches of their things and that all trust was on hold. Then she said if she found anything she would turn them in to the police. After this, they never found anything in the house. She also took the locks off their bedroom doors.
So - there are a lot of options. My sister also talked to her church youth minister and the therapist before doing these things. So- it may be helpful to get some outside advice.
Prayers that you find the right approach to get her to understand the gravity of what she is toying with.
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
Originally Posted by GwenMarie30 
Well youd think that my girls would be smarter than this. After all the fighting Ive done to get thru my owm addiction and all the legal trouble Ive had to do, Im just speachless. She doesnt even know that I know yet. It came from one of her friends that she hangs out with and is concerned. She wants me to say nothing to see if she can straighten her out 1st. Not sure what to do or even how to proceed. I want to kill her. I cant even imagine what her dad will do to her when he finds out. I want to go buy a home drug test lit that you can ge from walgreens but they arent that accurate. Ive known them to fail and show negative for someone who just smoked pot the day b4. Im just boiling. My oldest will just deny it all until I force her to test. And to think how much trust I put in her and how proud I was of her.
Im just sick.
Im just sick.
Gwen,
I'm sorry, that sucks... I can't even imagine what that must feel like.
On the flip side you said,
After all the fighting Ive done to get thru my owm addiction and all the legal trouble Ive had to do,
There is a great rule I try and live by, esp. when I'm mad, angry or upset,
and that is seek first to understand and then be understood....
Have you looked at this through her eyes, instead of your own?
I want to kill her.
At 14 there is usually a reason.
and if all else fails, then kill her and lock her in her room till she's 18.
I just heard about a great book called, Mom I hate my Life, sounded really good.
Amazon.com: "Mom, I Hate My Life!": Becoming Your Daughter's Ally Through the Emotional Ups and Downs of Adolescence (A Hand-in-Hand Book): Sharon Hersh: Books
Hang in there girl!!! :ghug
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Oh Gwen how heartbreaking -
I too wonder why my girls make the choices they make after seeing their Dad & I suffer from our choices - but each has their own path to walk - darnit - I sure would like to drag them a different way.
I just listened to a set of cd's from Beverly from Lewisville, TX that talks about her 2 sons being drug addicts & alcoholics around the age of your daughter - her husband was early in his sobriety and she was early in al-anon.
Her sponsor suggested she inform her sons that this was now a sober home and for everyone to live in harmony and peace; it needed to remain a sober home. It was a boundary she set for them to know what was acceptable behavior for their home.
Prayerfully it will just be one of those adolesent experiements and nothing serious with her -
I'll continue to keep you, her and the rest of your family in my thoughts & prayers,
Rita
I too wonder why my girls make the choices they make after seeing their Dad & I suffer from our choices - but each has their own path to walk - darnit - I sure would like to drag them a different way.
I just listened to a set of cd's from Beverly from Lewisville, TX that talks about her 2 sons being drug addicts & alcoholics around the age of your daughter - her husband was early in his sobriety and she was early in al-anon.
Her sponsor suggested she inform her sons that this was now a sober home and for everyone to live in harmony and peace; it needed to remain a sober home. It was a boundary she set for them to know what was acceptable behavior for their home.
Prayerfully it will just be one of those adolesent experiements and nothing serious with her -
I'll continue to keep you, her and the rest of your family in my thoughts & prayers,
Rita
Get Caught Reading
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Not in the boonies, thank God
Posts: 1,410
(((((((Gwen)))))))))
Thank God you found out now, though. Taking steps now may help prevent
further use and experimentation in her future. Arm yourself, sweetie, and prepare
for battle. It's not too late for her. If I knew then what I know now, I would have done so much more about my son's drug use. "It's just pot, mom".
Sending you prayers, support, and love.
Linda
Thank God you found out now, though. Taking steps now may help prevent
further use and experimentation in her future. Arm yourself, sweetie, and prepare
for battle. It's not too late for her. If I knew then what I know now, I would have done so much more about my son's drug use. "It's just pot, mom".
Sending you prayers, support, and love.
Linda
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: forest city
Posts: 28
well sorry to say this but the likelihood that ur child would use drugs was very high if u used them. children of addicts do one of two things, hate it and would never touch it b/c the resent it so much or they use, they think well she/he did it so they can't tell me not to. they also feel like they are getting back at u possibly for the pain u put them thru...
Black and Yellow
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,359
I can relate. My sister-in-law called me just today about how she heard thru her son's friend that my 13 yr old daughter is labeled a 'stoner' at school. It's not solid proof so I don't know how to approach this.
The screwed part is, my husband smokes pot! I do not, but what grounds do I have to scold her if he is smoking it? (other than the fact that he is an adult and she is not, I don't know what to do...)
I hope this works out ok for you, lemme know what approach you take.
The screwed part is, my husband smokes pot! I do not, but what grounds do I have to scold her if he is smoking it? (other than the fact that he is an adult and she is not, I don't know what to do...)
I hope this works out ok for you, lemme know what approach you take.
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
Honestly its kind of hard to blame kids these days with shows like Weeds being
one of the number one shows. I don't know what I would do if I had kids.
They get such mixed messages, it boggles my mind..... I truly feel bad for our
kids these days...
Sorry about your daughter also Mag.
****{Gwen & Mag}}}}
one of the number one shows. I don't know what I would do if I had kids.
They get such mixed messages, it boggles my mind..... I truly feel bad for our
kids these days...
Sorry about your daughter also Mag.
****{Gwen & Mag}}}}
Rest peacefully Sonny Boy
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Florida, Tennessee
Posts: 840
Gwen - take this with a grain of salt, only you know what to do. It is just my personal opinion though that if you blow up on this, you will be talking (or yelling) at a brick wall, she will shut you out, along with everything you say. She will appear to listen and be sorry then just figure out where she slipped up that you found out, and will work a way to not get caught again.
She doesn't have the mentality of an adult, so even trying to just reason with her probably want work either.
You need professional advice here, now, before you confront her. How you handle this may set the tone for her future. I would recommend that you contact a child drug therapist if that is at all possible, a counselor even. Get all the professional advice that you can, before you do anything. Sometimes, we as parents need help dealing with problems with our kids, I think this is one of those times.
Hugs and Prayers
B
She doesn't have the mentality of an adult, so even trying to just reason with her probably want work either.
You need professional advice here, now, before you confront her. How you handle this may set the tone for her future. I would recommend that you contact a child drug therapist if that is at all possible, a counselor even. Get all the professional advice that you can, before you do anything. Sometimes, we as parents need help dealing with problems with our kids, I think this is one of those times.
Hugs and Prayers
B
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Union Mo
Posts: 655
In as so far I havent even said a word to her that I know about it yet. I talk o her like I dont know. She lives with her dad and step mom but he is out of town till later tonight. I will discuss this with him and see where we go from here. I have no intention of yelling and screaming at her. Its gotten me no where with just about everything else in my life. Im going to sit back and arm myself with knowledge and gain some more patience and understanding and then talk to her- with her dad present.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 328
I'm a great believer of not putting my head in the sand - and getting professional help - from someone that specializes in addiction and families.
They'll point out things like:
the genetic component to addiction
Pot is illegal
what it does to the body medically
etc, etc, etc
and look at the "why" of the use.
If she won't go, at least you go and get some education and some options. And find out if this is a phase - or addiction. There are some pretty specific markers for addictive behavior - it is not rocket science!
I have two ASs that got clean at 14 and 15 yrs old (one is now 40 years old and is sober through AA 25 years, the other is 41 and finally has a year - again!) - they come from a long genetic line of addiction. If you shake my family tree, the addicts and alcoholics fall out.
Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler
They'll point out things like:
the genetic component to addiction
Pot is illegal
what it does to the body medically
etc, etc, etc
and look at the "why" of the use.
If she won't go, at least you go and get some education and some options. And find out if this is a phase - or addiction. There are some pretty specific markers for addictive behavior - it is not rocket science!
I have two ASs that got clean at 14 and 15 yrs old (one is now 40 years old and is sober through AA 25 years, the other is 41 and finally has a year - again!) - they come from a long genetic line of addiction. If you shake my family tree, the addicts and alcoholics fall out.
Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Drugs are an epidemic. I am now an advocate of random drug testing in the home and at work.
Too bad if the kid resents it. Better this than learning in 5 years that he is addicted to crack, crystal meth, heroin or any number of prescription drugs.
Too bad if the kid resents it. Better this than learning in 5 years that he is addicted to crack, crystal meth, heroin or any number of prescription drugs.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
