Summer2008

Recap - I finally reached my limit with abf Saturday night and left him at the bar. After that I went to his house and got my things (mainly - laptop, some clothes).

Sunday - Anger at him for his behavior, his lack of keeping promises, angry that he is an alcoholic, angry that I fell in love with him then finally the sadness kicked in. I think I was better off when I was angry at him. I don't like the crying.

Monday Night - Horrible night last night, lots of crying and researching alcoholism on the internet. Everything I read says "RUN", while I haven't run, I have managed to distance myself even though it's tearing me up.

Tuesday - Doing what I have (need) to in order to get by. I'm sure I was the most miserable person to look at while at work today. It's almost like the life has been sucked out of me and I'm just surviving.

Tears are streaming down my cheeks as I type this. I'm trying not to focus on him yet I can't help but miss him. He is my best friend, my love, and the man I thought I would one day marry.

Still no phone call and or email from him except for the one time he tried to call me Saturday night right after I left him at the bar. I did not hear the phone so never answered and no voice mail was left.

I'm not close to anyone at work, so I have no one there to talk to, there are to many other issues going on with my sons for me to talk to them, and it's taking every bit of willpower I have not to pick up the phone and call him. Yet I know if I do, it will ultimately destroy me as long as he continues to drink.

I know in the long run I will be fine and hopefully better off so I have to go through this grieving process so please forgive me for having this "pity" party here but it was either post here and ask for your continued thoughts and prayers or call him.

TooMuch4TooLong

You'll get through this hon, the beginning is the hardest part, at least so far it is for me. Try not to obsess too much, I know it's hard but as long as you are still googleing "alcoholism" the disease has just as much control over you as it does him. Stay strong, I'll be praying for you.

rkymtncowboy

Moving on will be less pain than staying. Both financially and mentally. You need to keep strong for the right person!
You are doing good, grieving is no fun.

jnj

I know it's hard but don't call him...you'd only be enabling him a little by giving in.. you know? I'm not one to judge.. I don't know but I know ..I hurt my boyfriend sooo bad while drinking in our relationship.....but him staying ( threatening) but putting up with me....didn't help me get sober any quicker...I finally got sober when we were apart...not because he wasn't living with me but because there was no one to babysit me....come looking for me at the bars...make sure I was breathing... check me into the hospital when I was sooo drunk I was suicidal...when he wasn't living with me...I drank myself even deeper and finally to a rehab...

We now talk about him not being here probably saved my life.
No one was here to look for my hiding places and throw it out...
I know you love him.,.....it can still work out....but sometimes even if it's unconditional love..you have to step back......let him figure it out...
My boyfriend would come to me with tears down his face asking me why I couldn't chose him over the bottle....and I couldn't not until last year...I chose the bottle over everyone and everything. I was ready to die before I wanted to stop...but now I look back and I'm so sorry for all I hurt..... and I'm a different person ...in just one year I'm totally new....so hang in there..but not too much!!!! Give him space...it might take him going to jail/ being in hospital/drinking himself to oblivion alone to wake up.....
I know it's hard..you want to help.....but we have to help ourselves too!!!!!